Me: “Welcome to [name of ISP] support. This is [my name]; how can I help?”

Customer: “I have a new dangler!”

Me: *stifling a laugh* “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear you. Could you repeat that?”

Customer: “I. HAVE. A. DANGLER!”

Me: “I see, and what help might I offer you today?”

Customer: “My dangler isn’t working! Fix my dangler!”

(I realize she is talking about a mobile broadband ‘dongle’. I run through some basic troubleshooting, and fix the problem.)

Customer: “Thank you for your help! I do hate danglers, they never work the way you want them to!”

(I’m working as a cashier during the Black Friday sale. We’ve just had new registers installed a few months prior. It is extremely busy because of the sale. I’ve finished scanning everything for a customer.)

Me: “Okay, your total is $1458.97.”

Customer: “Okay, credit.”

(She scans her card, and my entire register crashes. My screen is totally black.)

Me: “Uh… I need to call a supervisor over. My register just crashed.”

(My supervisor comes over, and I explain the situation.)

Customer: “Oh, no! Did I break it?”

Supervisor: “No, it’s possible that all the transactions have just overloaded the system. I’ll take you to the service desk, and we’ll fix this.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

(She follows my supervisor. The other supervisors move the rest of my line to the service desk. I go outside to take my break, when another customer approaches me.)

Customer #2: “Were you the one whose register broke down?”

Me: “Yeah, that was me.”

Customer #2: “That must have been a bit nerve wracking.”

Me: “Yeah, but at least that lady was calm about it. It could have been a lot worse!”

Customer #2: “Are you guys allowed drinks while you’re working?”

Me: “Not normally, but they are allowing it tonight because of the sale. I should go back in and get back to work. Have a nice night.”

(I return, and my register is working properly. About an hour later, Customers #1 and #2 come back though my line. They set one of every drink we sell by the checkout lines on my counter.)

Customer #1: “Pick one.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer #1: *points to Customer #2* “My husband told me that he talked to you on your break. You were very calm, and didn’t have anything bad to say. So pick a drink; it’s on me!”

(One of my supervisors comes over and assures me it’s okay.)

Me: “Okay, thank you. I’ll take this one.”

(It turns out they were from the corporate office, and they gave my manager a great letter of commendation! I never volunteered for Black Friday after that though!)

(I am the only female in the electronics department of a large retail store. A young male customer comes in.)

Me: “Hello, sir. Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “Er, um, actually if you don’t mind, could I perhaps speak to someone a bit more… male?”

Me: “Why of course, sir. Give me one moment.”

(I find my direct supervisor. I let him know that the customer wants to speak to someone more ‘male’.)

Supervisor: “Hello, sir. I understand you have a question for me?”

Customer: “Yes. I was wondering if you sold any televisions that didn’t need a converter box.”

(My supervisor looks at me.)

Me: “If you purchase a television that was manufactured after 2004, a digital tuner is more likely to have been included in the design specifications. We can check for an Advanced Television Systems Committee input if you’d like.”

Customer: “Uh… so?”

Me: “An ATSC is often referred to as a ‘digital input’, which negates the need for an external antennae to capture an analog signal. When the conversion happens, it will be essential that the TV you wish to continue using have the ability to receive and translate digital signals.”

Customer: “Um…”

Me: “Furthermore, should you decide to utilize a Video Cassette Recorder, you would most likely find it beneficial to connect a converter box to translate the digital signal to an analog recording outlet.”

Customer: *blank look*

Me: “Any TV we sell has a built in digital tuner, so you don’t need a converter box. If you want to use a VCR with a new TV, you will need a converter box.”

Customer: *speaking quickly* “Um, thanks. Have a nice day. Sorry.”

(The customer proceeds to bow his head, tuck his hands in his pockets, and walk rapidly towards the front door.)

Supervisor: “Nice.”

(Seeing the line for the deli stretch halfway through the produce section, I stand in line while my fiancé goes for the rest of the stuff. Every single person in line ahead of me goes through the same process.)

Customer: “Let me get some ham.”

Deli Worker: “What kind of ham?”

Customer: “Um… [brand].”

Deli Worker: “Okay… What kind? Honey glazed, regular, salt free?”

Customer: “Oh… uh… [type].”

Deli Worker: “How much?”

Customer: “Um…”

(This continues on, not just for each customer, but even when one customer has multiple items! I finally step up to the counter just as my fiancé arrives.)

Me: “Let me get 1/4 pound [brand] low-sodium roast reef, 1/4 pound [brand] low-sodium turkey, and 1/2 pound [store brand] American yellow, please.”

Deli Worker: “Ooh honey, you’re my favorite customer of the day!”

Fiancé: “What was that about?”

Me: “Apparently, I’m the only person here that thinks ahead!”

Customer After Me: “Let me get some… salami.”

Deli Worker: “Here we go again!”