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    A Perfectly Natural Request

    | Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

    (I’m an off duty, live-in receptionist who has been called back to work because of a guest complaint that no one seems to know how to deal with. I phone up to the guest’s room.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, I understand you have a complaint about your room. What seems to be the problem?”

    Guest: “Yes, it’s raining too loudly outside, and I can’t fall asleep!”

    Black Friday In America

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    Should Have Stolen Some Military Intelligence

    | Albany, NY, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Military, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working at the service desk of a large retailer when I’m called into the security office by the asset control associate while he detains and questions a female who was caught shoplifting. I walk in and the girl is obviously in her early 20s. She’s sitting there trying to force out the most fake sobbing I’ve ever seen. Her boyfriend has come in to support her, but at the moment he has to wait outside the room.)

    Coworker: “Alright, well, the police are on the way and the Store Manager is on her way up—”

    Shoplifter: “No! Please! You can’t do this! I can pay for the stuff!”

    Coworker: “Miss, you tried stealing $300 worth of electronics.”

    Shoplifter: “No, you don’t get it! I can pay for it! I was just… I wasn’t thinking! I’ve been really stressed!”

    Coworker: “Stressed enough to try and walk out the front door with groceries covering a blu-ray player?”

    Shoplifter: “Please! I can pay!”

    Coworker: “You had a chance to pay for it when you went through the cash register to pay for your groceries, and you had a chance to pay for it when you walked through the store again, picked it up and walked right by MORE registers to leave with it.”

    Shoplifter: “I just… you’re wearing dog tags, right?! What military branch?”

    Coworker: “Marines.”

    Shoplifter: “Please! My boyfriend is a marine too! He just got back from Afghanistan!”

    Coworker: “Really?”

    (My coworker stands up, opens the door, and looks to her boyfriend who is still standing there waiting.)

    Coworker: “Hey, what military branch were you in?”

    Boyfriend: “Huh? I just finished boot camp for Air Force.”

    Coworker: “Thanks.”

    (My coworker shuts the door, and stares at the shoplifter accusingly.)

    Coworker: “Air Force boot camp? Really? That’s cheap, miss.”

    Shoplifter: “SAME THING!”

    Coworker & Me: “It really isn’t.”

    Shoplifter: “You guys suck! This is so stupid! Let me pay for it! Don’t call the cops! Please!”

    Coworker: “Too late. Speaking of the police, your chariot awaits.”

    (The Store Manager decided to press charges as it turned out she’d stolen from other stores in the area.)

    Ah, Grandmothers, Part 3

    | Piscataway, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

    (My aunt works at a popular doughnut shop chain near my grandmother’s house. One evening, my older sister and her boyfriend, my little brother, and I decide to head there after an afternoon at a fair, while waiting for my mom to pick us up. A short while afterward, a couple of tough-guy type young men walk in, making rude comments, being loud, and generally making a nuisance of themselves. The leader of the group approaches the counter where my aunt is working.)

    Customer #1: “Yo, b****, gimme your number.”

    Aunt: “I don’t think so. Is there anything you’d like to order?”

    Customer #1: “How ’bout a piece of that a**?”

    Aunt: “Sorry, not on the menu. Now order something or please leave.You’re holding up the line.”

    Customer #2: “B****, we’ll leave when we wanna leave.”

    Customer #3: “Yeah, who’s gonna stop us, little old you?”

    Aunt: “No, little old [Manager]. Now, please, place your order or get out.”

    (The customer orders two cases of donuts, and throws his money to the ground.)

    Customer #1: “See what you did? Pick it up and hand it back to me!”

    Aunt: “Um, it’s on your side of the counter.”

    (The customer picks up his money and walks over behind the counter and throws it down again.)

    Customer #1: “Now pick it up, b****!”

    Aunt: “No. As a matter of fact, leave. I’m refusing service.”

    Customer #1: “Why, because I’m black?!”

    Aunt: “No, because you’re acting like an imperious a**hole, and you have been since you walked in. Now leave, or I’m calling the police.”

    (As luck would have it, a police officer stops inside the shop.)

    Me: “Wow, that was fast.”

    Customer #1: “Officer, this racist b**** was trying to kick me and my homies out. We ain’t even done nothin’!”

    Officer: “Really? Because what I saw was you throwing your money at this woman twice, in addition to walking behind the counter, which isn’t allowed for non-employees.”

    (The customer and his buddies start throwing a fit, yelling expletives, flipping everybody off, and generally acting unruly. Then they head outside and start throwing boxes around; the leader even takes off his shirt and tries goading everyone into a fight.)

    Customer #1: “COME ON, I’LL SHOW Y’ALL! I’LL BEAT Y’ALLS A**ES SO HARD! COME ON!”

    (He has another argument with the officer, but thankfully leaves with his buddies. However, he comes back a few minutes later accompanied not by his friends, but his grandmother.)

    Customer’s Grandmother: “So I understand y’all have a problem servin’ my grandbaby?”

    Customer: “Yeah, yeah, they were callin’ me all kinds of s***, and the girl over there was saying we were on food stamps!”

    Customer’s Grandmother: “…[Customer's Name], stand outside and wait while I talk to the officer here.”

    (The customer steps outside and my aunt explains everything that happened. After hearing it, the grandmother is incensed and walks outside.)

    Customer’s Grandmother: “YOU LITTLE PUNK-A**! GET YO’ A** IN THE CAR NOW! You dragged me outta my home for THIS?!”

    (As they drive off, my mom finally pulls in.)

    Mom: “So, what’d I miss?”

    Related:
    Ah, Grandmothers, Part 2
    Ah, Grandmothers
    Ah, Mothers
    Ah, Fathers
    Ah, Fathers, Part 2

    Laptop Flop, Part 4

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