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    Archive for 2013

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    That Makes Two Of Us

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA |

    Caller: “Hi, I’m returning a call here?”

    Me: “Yes? Are you looking for health insurance?”

    Caller: “Well, yes.”

    Me: “Great! Do you have the name of who called you? If not, I can just transfer you to an available agent.”

    Caller: “Well, that’s the thing. I have a note and it says Linda.”

    Me: “Okay, well—”

    Caller: “Do you have a Linda? Because my name is Linda, and I’m worried I just wrote my own name down.”

    Me: “We have a Linda. I’ll transfer you.”

    Caller: “Oh, thank goodness!”

    Having A Light Bulb Moment

    | AB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    Me: “Thanks for calling [company name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m calling because my bill is too high!”

    Me: “Alright, I can pull up your account and see what could have caused the increase in—”

    Customer: “It’s always been too high, and I think it’s this distribution charge.”

    Me: “Ah, well that comes from the regulated electricity distributors, the ones that own and maintain the lines in the area. They send that information to us; we don’t have any control over that, unfortunately.”

    Customer: “It’s a bulls*** charge! I don’t need no distribution!”

    Me: “Well… the charge is for maintaining the electrical lines that transmit the electricity—”

    Customer: “Transmitting the electricity?”

    Me: “Yeah… you know, sending it out there.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about? They don’t have to send it anywhere!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “When I turn on the lights, they just come on. I don’t have to wait for the electricity to get there, it’s already there.”

    Me: “That’s not how electricity works, sir.”

    Customer: “Of course it is! It turns on right away because the electricity is there. It doesn’t move!”

    Me: “Sir… do you have a microwave?”

    Customer: “Of course I do.”

    Me: “And when you use your microwave, it works immediately, correct?”

    Customer: “Right, because the electricity is already in there.”

    Me: “So, why do you have to plug it in if the electricity is already there?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “If you unplug your microwave it doesn’t work anymore, right?”

    Customer: “Well, yes! What does that have to do with—”

    Me: “That’s because the electricity has to travel through the cable to get to the microwave to make it work.”

    (He mutters as he’s grasping for something to argue.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Customer: *click*

    Closing Down But Lifting Up

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (The company I work for is going out of business, and it is my final day working. I’ve been chatting with a customer about how hard finding a new job is as I ring her up.)

    Customer: “Well, thank you. We’re off to Starbucks now.”

    Me: “Oh, I love Starbucks.”

    Customer: “Really? Would you like me to bring you something?”

    Me: “I… what?”

    Customer: “Yeah, what would you like? I have a gift card so it’s not a problem.”

    Me: “The closest one is fifteen minutes away.”

    Customer: “I know. What would you like?”

    Me: “Um… a caramel mocha?”

    Customer: “Grande or venti?”

    Me: “A… grande is good. Thank you.”

    Customer: “It’s not a problem. Caramel mocha. I’ll be back with it soon.”

    (True to her word, she was back later with the coffee. I’ve not had any luck in the job search yet, but her bringing me a free coffee on my last day really made me smile.)

    The Dirty Dozen

    | MA, USA | At The Checkout, Top

    (I’m standing in line at the ’12 items or less’ self-checkout behind a nice yet flustered older lady. My hands are full of stuff for my lunch—can of soup, loaf of bread, etc. A second woman comes up behind me with an over-flowing carriage; she’s way beyond 12 items.)

    Older Woman: *reading from the screen* “Swipe card.”

    (The older woman looks around, but misses the card reader in front of her.)

    Me: “It’s right in front of you.”

    Older Woman: “Where?” *continues to look all around*

    Woman Behind Me: “Tsk.”

    Me: “Just extend your arm straight ahead…”

    (The older woman turns to face me and extends her hand, with credit card in hand, to me. I put my items down and point out the swipe area on the card reader in front of her. She’s finally able to finish her transaction; all this time, the woman behind me has been tapping her toes, shaking her head, etc. The older woman starts to leave with her purse still sitting on the counter.)

    Me: “Ma’am, your purse.”

    Older Woman: “Oh! Thank you. I wouldn’t have gotten far without that.” *takes her three items and leaves*

    Woman Behind Me: “Some people just can’t follow directions.”

    Me: “Like 12 items or less’?”

    Woman Behind Me: *turns bright red*

    A Weebly Weird Conversation

    , , | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Musical Mayhem

    (I am waiting in line at a fast food restaurant. The couple behind me, who looks to be in their late twenties, are discussing their orders.)

    Guy: “Have you tried the bacon, mushroom and Swiss cheese burger?”

    Girl: “Yeah, it wasn’t bad, but I’m not a huge fan of mushrooms.”

    Guy: *starts singing super quietly* “Mushroom! Mushroom!”

    Girl: *also super quietly* “It’s a snake! A snaaaaaake! A snaaaaake!”

    Both: “Badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger!”

    (They then go back to their conversation about various menu items, completely normal.)

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