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    Crying Over No Spilt Milk

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work in a convenience store, and am calling to make a dairy order.)

    Me: “Hi, this is [store] calling. I’d like to place my order.”

    Rep: “Sure! Whenever you’re ready.”

    Me: “I’ll take 15 ’2%’, 5 whole, 2 skim—”

    Rep: “I’m very sorry; can you hold on just one moment?”

    Me: “Sure, take your time.”

    (The rep puts me on hold for a few moments before returning.)

    Rep: “I’m very sorry about that. I had this guy on another line screaming at me about how he didn’t get his Pepsi order. It took me a few minutes to finally get a word in and to let him know that he had called the dairy company.”

    Me: *laughing* “Are you serious?”

    Rep: “Yes! I’ve never had that happen to me! Haha! Okay, I can take the rest of your order now!”

    Harping On

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working at a high school orchestra concert when the fire alarms go off. As we evacuate the building, I come across a gentleman in the hall trying to get the harp onto a harp-tow.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but you need to leave the hall. We’re evacuating the building.”

    Gentleman: “I need to get my daughter’s harp out first.”

    Me: “Sir, you need to evacuate.”

    Gentleman: “I don’t expect you to understand, but this harp is important and expensive, so why don’t you worry about your pretty little self, while I worry about more important things?”

    Me: “Sir, you have a choice: you can either leave on your own, or you can leave in handcuffs. I will have you arrested.”

    Gentleman: “I said I’m not leaving with out the harp; get it through your stupid head!”

    (A police officer has entered the hall to let me know that the fire department is on their way and that the building is clear except me and this gentleman.)

    Police officer: “Problem, [my name]?”

    Gentleman: “Yeah, I’m trying to get this harp out of here, and she’s in my way!”

    Police Officer: “Aw, that’s too bad. Guess you have to leave with out it. You can leave with me, if you’d like. I’ve got some nice handcuffs.”

    (His eyes widen and he bolts from the hall.)

    Police Officer: “Well, that’s a shame. Anyways, no fire. Fire department will reset the alarm as soon as they get here.”

    (The gentleman’s wife ends up coming in for the harp about 25 minutes later. Surprisingly, she sides with us.)

    Gentleman’s Wife: “My husband was an idiot. Thanks to you and your coworkers for a job well done… you should have had him arrested anyway!”

    Some Customers Are Beyond Belief

    | VA, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    (A harried young woman enters our hotel and approaches the front desk. She’s holding a voucher that I know we don’t accept.)

    Me: “Hi. I’m sorry, but we don’t accept that voucher.”

    Young Woman: *in dismay* “Really? This one?”

    Me: “Yes. Plenty of others before you have tried to use that, and my manager says no. The other hotel on [other street] uses it.”

    Young Woman: “What?!”

    Me: “We don’t accept that voucher.”

    Young Woman: “I must make sure. Can you give me their phone number? Can I use your phone?”

    Me: “Um… okay. But like I said, this has happened many times before and they’re the only ones who take those.”

    Young Woman: *calls anyway* “…That’s what the hotel I was just at said about you!”

    (She calls and they confirm they take it. I give her the address and call her a cab.)

    Young Woman: “Thank you so much for your help!”

    Me: “No problem.”

    Young Woman: “I didn’t mean to disbelieve you earlier, but I just had a bad day and had to make sure!”

    Me: “That’s okay!”

    (She smiles and wishes me a good night I do the same. Too bad more people can’t make an effort to be pleasant even after a long day like her!)

    No Kidding About The Kid

    | MD, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (A customer is loudly talking on her phone while ignoring her young son. He’s already thrown his jacket to the floor and has run around the store several times, bumping into other customers. Suddenly the boy grabs a cake server off the shelf and begins waving it around in the air making light-saber noises.)

    Me: “Honey, be careful with that. I wouldn’t want to see you get hurt.”

    Customer #1: “Brian!”

    (The little boy drops the cake server then begins stomping around the store once again.)

    Customer #1: *to the phone* “So yeah, these ones have butterflies on them.”

    (The little boy seizes this opportunity to run behind the counter and begin messing with the engraving machines. I immediately pick him up and place him next to his mother.)

    Me: “Here, honey. Stay with your mom.”

    Customer #1: “DON’T TOUCH MY BABY! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, he could have seriously hurt himself. We work with dangerous equipment.”

    Customer #1: “I can’t believe you would touch my son! How dare you!”

    (At this point, I’m biting my tongue to keep from telling her off when another customer interjects.)

    Customer #2: “Lady, if you would get off the d*** phone and watch your brat this nice woman wouldn’t have to save his life!”

    Customer #1: “I’ll never shop here again!” *to me* “There has to be a law against molesting children like that! I’ll make sure you lose your job for this!” *storms out*

    Holding The Line Against Bad Customers

    | TX, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (There are usually four to six employees behind the counter at the cell phone store, but today there is only one. She appears to be new and flustered, but is doing very well getting to everyone. I have been waiting for about 20 minutes before a woman in her late 20s and dressed in aerobics gear comes in. She immediately turns to a phone sales rep.)

    Aerobics Woman: “Do I really needed to wait in the line?”

    Employee: “I only really sell new phones, so I am afraid you will have to.”

    Aerobics Woman: “OH. MY. GOD.”

    (Five minutes go by, and the next customer is up. I’m about 4th in line now, and Aerobics Woman is 6th. She is grumbling and muttering things under her breath.)

    Aerobics Woman: *shouting* “What is taking so long?! I don’t understand why I have to wait in this line.”

    (Finally, it’s my turn. I’m up at the counter, and give the poor overwhelmed employee a warm smile.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry you have to put up with this.”

    (Relieved, the employee lets out a big sigh and her shoulders relax.)

    Employee: “No, I’m sorry that it has been taking so long.”

    Me: “No, it’s okay, I understa—”

    Aerobics Woman: “Why does it have to take so long!”

    (I decide I’ve been patient enough with Aerobics Woman and snap back.)

    Me: “Are you five f***ing years old?!”

    (As soon as I say this, everything in the store grinds to a halt. Aerobics Woman is looking at me wide-eyed, as I in turn am now giving her the ugliest glare I’ve ever managed.)

    Me: “Are you seriously under the impression that your constant moaning is going to make anything you’re trying to do happen any faster? Do you have any idea how f***ing ridiculous you look right now? What the h*** is so d*** important that you feel that you have to b**** every 5 minutes for all to hear?”

    Aerobics Woman: “I was on the phone to customer service, and they told me that in order to change my account password I needed to come into a store and show proof of ID!I got a new phone because I dropped the old one, and they told me I couldn’t switch it without my password, and I forgot it!”

    Me: “Well, of course you’d have to bloody come in! I bet you have credit card info, address info, social security info and all the rest on your bloody account. What if I called Customer Service, put on a lovely voice, and said I was you? What if I stole your phone, called the phone company, and said to them, ‘could you tell me what social security number you have for me, I want to make sure it’s the right one’? You should be thanking this poor woman here, all alone, having to put up with your childish whining, and trying to keep you from getting robbed. Now, shut up, and just wait your turn.”

    (I turn back to the employee, and wink. On the way out of the store, another employee intercepts me on the way out.)

    Other Employee: “I was wondering if I could talk to you. Customer Service is our number one priority here, and policy prevents us from being able to defend ourselves in a situation like that. On behalf of everyone here, I wanted to see if I could have your name, and give you next month’s service for free.”

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