(I work on the parking lot at a well known retailer. My head cashier has been pushing on me hard, trying to get me to snap. A customer approaches me as I’m pushing carts.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I need your help. I can’t find anyone else.”

Me: “Of course. What do you need help with?”

Customer: “I need to get an item off the shelf, but it’s too high and too far back.”

Me: “Of course, sir. Show me where it is, and I’ll get a ladder for you and retrieve it.”

(I go and get the ladder, and start getting the item down from the shelf. The head cashier comes up.)

Head Cashier: *very rudely in front of the customer* “You can’t be in here. Get back out on the lot; I need you to push carts.”

(Instead of listening to the head cashier, I decide to take care of my customer first. I finish fishing out the item, climb down, and then speak to the customer.)

Me: “Thank you for waiting, sir. I apologize for the lack of help and I’m glad I was able to help.”

Head Cashier: *to me* “Did you hear me?”

Customer: *also to me* “Oh, it’s no problem.”

Me: *to the customer* “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Head Cashier: *to me* “Answer me!”

Customer: *still to me* “Oh no. You’ve done enough.”

Me: *to the customer* “Thank you for shopping with us today, sir. Have a nice day.”

(I turn and go to put the ladder away. The head cashier is obviously not happy.)

Head Cashier: “You should not have done that. Now I’m going to have to write you up.”

Me: “I was helping a customer. You should not have acted in such a way in front of him. You’re so worried about what I’m doing, that you fail to notice that [coworker] is still inside the store as well, and has been for the last 45 minutes. And trust me; I’ve only been in here for two minutes. If you want to be a good head cashier, stop playing favorites, back off and let me do my job! Are we clear?”

Head Cashier: “Y-you can’t talk to me that way!”

(Suddenly, the manager walks over from around the corner.)

Manager: “Actually, they can. They have valid reasons for saying it, and did what they were supposed to. Putting customers first is our motto. Telling them otherwise is like telling you not to manage your cashiers, or telling me not to manage the store. Even telling one employee not to help customers is like telling all our employees not to help customers. He went to great risks, even out of his work zone, to give a customer much needed help when there was no one else to help. So [my name] come with me up to the service desk and we’ll write up an incident report. [Head cashier], I’ll see you in my office in 10 minutes.”

(I go up with the manager who writes up the entire incident.)

Manager: “In the future, be careful about what you say. Don’t rely too much on a manager nearby and them hearing everything. I’m sure [head cashier] will stay out of your way from now on.”

(I work at a gas station. A construction company has accidentally knocked out our power. After getting the store closed up and the closed signs are posted to the doors, we wait for the power to be restored. A customer parks her car at the gas pumps, walks to the entrance, and pounds on the door.)

Me: “I’m sorry; we’ve experienced a power outage and we’re closed for a few more hours.”

Customer: “I need to get gas.”

Me: I’m sorry, but as I said, we’re closed at the moment. I hate to do it, but I have to send you to the gas station across the street.

Customer: “Don’t you have a key to the register? Why can’t you take my money and let me get my gas? Everybody else does it manually.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you don’t seem to understand. Without electricity, the gas pump won’t work. I wish we could help you, but we can’t right now.”

Customer: “Well, I know the owner of this store personally. And you can tell him I am very dissatisfied with the service from his employees. He won’t like this at all.”

Me: *smiling* “Ma’am, he’s actually right here, and you can speak with him yourself.”

(I step aside, and the owner of the store, who has been listening, walks to the front door.)

Owner: “I’m sorry, but who are you? The power is out right now and we’re closed!”

(The owner pulls the door closed, locks it, and walks away from the very embarrassed customer.)

(It’s my first day in a small drive through coffee shop; another employee is also working. A customer drives up and orders two drinks, which are promptly made. When I give her the total, she tries to hand me a card. We only take cash, and have three signs placed on and around the window saying so.)

Me: “I’m sorry; we only take cash.”

Customer: “You didn’t tell me that! I don’t have any cash!”

(My coworker steps in.)

Coworker: “There is an ATM located behind you at the liquor store, and one at the gas station two buildings down. We will be happy to keep your drinks warm, until you return.”

(The customer glares at us and zooms away. I’m pretty sure that she’s not going to be coming back. About 20 minutes later though, she zooms back up at my coworkers window.)

Customer: “Can I have my drinks now?”

Coworker: “That will be $8.25.”

Customer: “You know, you should tell people that you only take cash!”

Coworker: “Actually, we have three signs around the window, if you’ll notice.”

Customer: “Well, people won’t notice a sign; you need to tell them!”

Coworker: “Here is your change; thank you.”

Customer: “What is your manager’s phone number? I’m going to tell them about this!”

Coworker: “It’s right here on this sign.”

(My coworker points a sign next to the big ‘Only Cash’ sign. I’ve been finishing an order right next to my coworker, and the customer turns to me.)

Customer: “You wipe that smile off your face! You think this is so funny, don’t you!? Well, I’m going to tell your manager!”

(Later, the owner calls to have us listen to the lady’s voicemail. She basically blows the entire situation up, saying that we had been really rude, and that I had been… laughing manically. Yes, “manically.”)

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(I am babysitting my eight-year-old neighbor. They have just recently bought a guinea pig, and I am holding him.)

Girl: “My friend Chloe has a pet bunny.”

Me: “Oh really? What’s its name?”

Girl: “Humper.”

Me: “What?!”

Girl: “Yeah, her bunny’s name is Humper!”

(I am a bit confused, but then it dawns on me.)

Me: “Um, I think you meant to say Thumper.”

Girl: “Oh! Yeah, that’s what I meant. The bunny’s name is Thumper!”

(By this point, I am cracking up.)

Girl: “What’s so funny?”

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(I am the customer at one register checking out. There is another customer at the other register, who is accompanied by her four-year-old daughter. The daughter is bouncing all over the place, looking at toys and candy while her mother’s purchases are being bagged.)

Little Girl: “Mommy! Mommy! Can we get this for the new house?”

(The little girl holds up a miniature basketball hoop and ball.)

Mother: “No, sweetie. We don’t need it.”

Little Girl: “Okay!”

(The little girl continues rummaging through the nearby racks avidly. The cashier hands the mother her receipt.)

Mother: “Come on, [name]; time to go!”

(The little girl half turns to look at her mother, clearly still engrossed in the toys.)

Little Girl: “I need a count of four.”

Mother: “One… two…”

Little Girl: “Okay! Coming!”