(A young mom with a five- or six-year-old girl approach my register.)

Me: “How are you today?”

Mom: “I’m fine, thanks.”

Girl: “I’m scared!”

Me: *to girl* “What are you scared of?”

Girl: “You!”

Me: “Me?”

(Her mom and I look at each other, giggling a bit.)

Me: “Would I be less scary if I gave you a sticker?”

Girl: “No.”

Me: “Would you like a sticker anyway?”

Girl: “Okay.”

(I finish up the transaction, and they walk towards the exit.)

Me: “Thanks! Bye, scaredy-cat!”

Girl: “Bye, strange lady!”

(She was so cute; I’m still giggling.)

(I work in a gift shop in a zoo. We have a drive-around area, and all guests are given a map on the way in.)

Guest: “Hi, I was wondering if you could help.”

Me: “Sure, what’s up?”

Guest: *pointing to the map* “Is this bit all in your car?”

Me: “Yup, you have to drive round that bit and stay in your vehicle.”

Guest: “So this bit is on foot?”

Me: “Yes.”

Guest: “Do you have to stick to the path or can you walk anywhere in this bit?”

Me: “I would advise sticking to the path, as the polar bears have access to all this area, and the tigers have access to all that area.”

Guest: “Oh… that was a really stupid question, wasn’t it?”

This story is part of our Polar Bear roundup!

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(I’m picking up my daughter from nursery, and overhear a conversation with one of the other parents and a member of staff.)

Parent: “Tell her what mommy is going to do tonight.”

Two-Year-Old: “Mummy is going to the bar and getting pissed!”

Staff: “Err…”

Parent: “Isn’t it funny?!”

This story is part of our Kindergarten roundup!

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(I’m working at a popular coffee store, and it is my second week on the job. A regular comes in during the morning rush.)

Me: “Hey, good to see you! What can I get for you?”

(The customer gives me a very dirty look.)

Me: “Um… can I get a drink started for you?”

Customer: “You don’t remember my drink?”

Me: “…what?”

Customer: “You don’t remember my drink? I come in here everyday! You should remember my drink!”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry that I forgot. Silly me! It’s just that I get an awful lot of customers in here, and I’ve been working since 4 am, so I’m just so forgetful. But if you can just remind me, I’ll have that drink right out for you.”

(The customer turns bright red, orders his drink, pays, and leaves the register. The next day I’m working again, and he comes in right on schedule.)

Me: “Ah, hello! The caramel latte with light foam, yes? I’ve written it up, and they’ll make it for you soon. That’ll be [price].”

(The customer silently pays for his drink, and puts a $5 bill in the tip jar.)

(I am the customer at one register checking out. There is another customer at the other register, who is accompanied by her four-year-old daughter. The daughter is bouncing all over the place, looking at toys and candy while her mother’s purchases are being bagged.)

Little Girl: “Mommy! Mommy! Can we get this for the new house?”

(The little girl holds up a miniature basketball hoop and ball.)

Mother: “No, sweetie. We don’t need it.”

Little Girl: “Okay!”

(The little girl continues rummaging through the nearby racks avidly. The cashier hands the mother her receipt.)

Mother: “Come on, [name]; time to go!”

(The little girl half turns to look at her mother, clearly still engrossed in the toys.)

Little Girl: “I need a count of four.”

Mother: “One… two…”

Little Girl: “Okay! Coming!”