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    He Has His Wires Crossed

    | Lismore, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid, Wild & Unruly

    Me: “Welcome to [company], this is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want instructions to wire up my phone socket to the mains to boost the signal.”

    (Our phone lines use a 12 V signal while main power is 240v V Connecting the two would be a very bad idea.)

    Me: *shocked* “Are you a trained electrician?”

    Customer: “No. Why would I want to be one?”

    Me: “You do know that the phone systems uses a 12 V system while the mains is 240 V?”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “Only authorized and trained people can work on a phone line. You are neither.”

    Customer: *sighs*That is why I am wanting the instructions to wire the phone socket to the mains!”

    Me: “Sir, if by some miracle you do not kill yourself wiring the two together you would be personally responsible for the cost of replacing a multimillion dollar telephone exchange that you would blow up by doing that wiring. Do you understand?”

    (A moment of silence as the customer thinks this through.)

    Customer: “I don’t like your attitude. Transfer me to someone more sympathetic to my needs.”

    Me: “How about I transfer you to faults. They know about wiring, and we both know you will be there sooner or later.”

    Customer: “They can tell me how to wire it up?”

    Me: “I will get them to tell you themselves.”

    (I put the customer on hold while I contact Faults department.)

    Faults: “Hello this is [name] in Faults.”

    Me: “I am so sorry to give this to you, but I have a customer demanding how to wire the phone socket into the mains.”

    Faults: “What?”

    Me: “I have explained to him if he did not manage to kill himself wiring it up, then he would be liable for the replacement cost of the exchange but he insists on being transferred to someone more sympathetic.”

    Faults: “It’s going to be one of those days, isn’t it?”

    Reaching The Tipping Point

    | Princeton, NJ, USA | Awesome Customers, Money

    (It’s our delivery day at the store, and most of the employees are unloading onto the shelves. The store is very busy with customers. I’m stocking shelves when an older gentleman walks into my aisle.)

    Me: “Good evening. Can I help you find anything?”

    Customer: “Oh, no thank you, I’m doing alright. I appreciate you asking, though.”

    (I go back to stacking when the customer comes down to my end of the aisle.)

    Customer: “Thank you very much!”

    (As he says this, he reaches for my hand, and I think that I’m holding what it was he was looking for. When I look down, however, I see he’s placed a five dollar bill in my hand instead.)

    Me: “Oh, uh…”

    Customer: *with a smile* “Every little bit helps!”

    (Before I can say anything, he walks away. A little while later, I get called up to the registers. While there, I see the same gentleman has just finished his purchase. A coworker of mine walks up to join me.)

    Coworker: “Hey, see that guy over there? I was in the aisles just now and he came up to shake my hand and thank me for helping him. In his hand was five bucks!”

    Me: “Wow, that’s really nice!”

    Coworker: “The thing is, I helped him last time he was here, but I didn’t do anything this time. I wonder if he’s been going up to all of us like that.”

    Me: “Sounds like it.”

    (Just then, we notice two carts full of shopping bags sitting alone, near where the gentleman had been standing a moment ago.)

    Coworker: “I think those must be his carts.”

    Me: “That’ll take him a couple trips. Why don’t we take these out to him?”

    (My coworker and I wheel the carts out to the parking lot, where we see the customer loading his car on the far side. We bring them over to him.)

    Customer: “Oh, thank you! I don’t normally shop like this, but I had a lot of stuff to get this time. I can take care of it from here.”

    Me: “All right, sir. You have a good night!”

    (Later on, we checked with some of the other employees; as we suspected, he had gone around and tipped all the employees!)

    No Shame In The Blame Game

    | Boston, MA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Wild & Unruly

    (We sell candles and during sales usually make a mountain out of our left over stock on a display table. A young girl around age 10 has picked up one of the candles from the group, sniffed it and put it back down and began to walk away. Suddenly a loud crash sounds and several candles on the other side of the table fall to the floor. A woman had just picked up a candle and is standing in front of the fallen candles.)

    Woman: “I didn’t do it! It was that kid’s fault!”

    Kid: “What? The candles fell on your side of the table.”

    Woman: “Shut up you little brat! I saw you knock over those candles! You should be ashamed of yourself! This is why kids should not be allowed in public. Where is your mother!?”

    (Having witnessed the ordeal, I walk over and chime in.)

    Me: “Ma’am, she wasn’t touching the candles when they fell, and you are holding the same scent of candle that is on the floor.”

    Woman: “This is what is wrong with kids today! They are so sheltered! They have no idea how to take responsibility for their actions! How will they function in the real world?” *looks to the little girl* “You are in for a nasty shock when mommy and daddy are no longer around, brat!”

    (The whole store is watching in silence. My manager walks over.)

    Manager: “Ma’am I am going to have to ask you to pay for the items you smashed or leave the store.”

    Woman: *dumbfounded* “I am a loyal, paying customer. You can’t treat me this way! You are only making me pay because this brat doesn’t have any money. I will never shop here again!”

    Manager: “Good. Now leave. We’re a family-friendly establishment.”

    Woman: “Children are ruining society!” *storms out*

    (The little girl seemed a little upset but was not crying and said she was okay. Another customer bought her a nice perfume and body lotion set and our manager gave her one of our rubber ducks!)

    Stop Trucking Swearing

    | North Las Vegas, NV, USA | Bad Behavior, Wild & Unruly

    (I am working as a desk worker for a vehicle impound company. I have a male coworker who stays in the office to keep me safe and to actually go and get the cars, so that I stay safely behind the wall.)

    Me: “Hi there. Can I help you?”

    Customer: *angrily* “Yeah, I’m here to get my truck you stole.”

    Me: “Alright, I just need the vehicle information. VIN number, make, model, and color.”

    Customer: “Yeah, it’s [VIN number].”

    Me: “Alright, here it is.”

    (I print out the statement of charges and take them to the window.)

    Me: “So, here’s a breakdown of your charges: your total is [price], and I’ll need to see proof of ownership and a photo ID.”

    Customer: “WHAT?! I’m not paying that! This is bulls***! You guys f***ing stole my truck, and you expect me to pay to get it back?!”

    Me: “Sir, I must ask you to refrain from swearing at me. It says here your car was towed because your registration expired over a year ago. I’m sorry, but I can’t release your vehicle to you without this fee.”

    Customer: “F*** you! How the f*** do you expect people to afford this s***?!”

    Me: “Sir, please calm down. If you can’t afford it today, I have to inform you that it’ll continue to go up by [cost] every day until you can.”

    (At this point, he lunges through the iron bars and grabs my wrist. My male coworker jumps up, but I manage to pull away. The man takes off out of the office. My coworker watches him out of the window.)

    Coworker: “If he comes back, stand back a little. He does that again, just duck.”

    (Sure enough, the customer comes back about an hour later. He seems calmer, but my coworker still stands up and grabs one of the many baseball bats he keeps throughout the office building. He stands off to the left of the window, out of sight of the man.)

    Customer: “Alright, how f***ing much is it again?”

    Me: “Sir, please refrain from swearing. Here’s your price breakdown.”

    (I hand him the statement and he looks over it, getting more agitated.)

    Customer: “What the f*** does all this s*** mean? You motherf***ers are trying to rob me blind! No one could afford this! You’re all a bunch of f***ing* thieves!”

    (At this point, he reaches through the bars again, almost touching his face to the bars. I jump back, and my coworker swings the titanium bat, smacking against the bars and making a horrendous ringing sound.)

    Coworker: “You get out—now! Or next time, it’ll be your head!”

    Customer: *reeling* “Oh yeah, tough guy?! Come on out here and say that!”

    (My coworker heads for the door separating the office from the customer area. As he opens it, the customer sees my coworker, all 6’1″, 250 lbs of pure muscle that he is, and takes off out the door, into the car with whoever was driving him, and they peel out of the parking lot. As far as I know, he never came back for his truck.)

    Weekly Roundup: Video Game Stores!

    | Not Always Right | Geeks Rule, Roundups

    Weekly Roundup: Video Game Stores! This week, we feature five stories of stupid customers in video game stores that’ll have you wii-shing for a reset button!

    1. And Just Think, You’ll Meet Them In Multiplayer (2,529 thumbs up)
    2. How A DS RPG Killed The ESRB (3,271 thumbs up)
    3. Ask And Ye Shall Receive (5,892 thumbs up)
    4. No Good Deed Goes Unpunished (5,331 thumbs up)
    5. Bribery (Adjusted For Inflation) (2,637 thumbs up)

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!


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