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Allergic To Common Sense

| Citrus Heights, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

Me: “‘Strawberries Wild’ for [name]! ‘Strawberries Wild’ for [name]!” *customer comes up* “Hey, here’s your ‘Strawberries Wild’.”

Customer: “This doesn’t have strawberries in it, does it? I’m deathly allergic to strawberries.”

Me: *blink* “…Let me make you a new smoothie…”

Graded A For Audacity

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Top

Customer: “Why won’t anyone help me?!”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I didn’t see you. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “I’m a student, and I have an essay due in two days.”

Me: “Okay, well what can I do for you? Do you need some research material?”

Customer: “Research material?”

Me: “Yes, like books, or websites, maybe news paper articles?”

Customer: “No, I need you to type up my essay.”

Me: “We don’t actually offer that service, but I can certainly find you a computer to use to type it up.”

Customer: “Fine.”

(I set the customer up on our word processing computer and give her some extra time to make sure she can get the essay finished. I then move away to continue working.)

Customer: *at the top of her voice again* “Excuse me! What are you doing?”

Me: “Did you need some help?”

Customer: “You haven’t even started my essay and you’ve walked away!”

Me: “Wait… are you asking me to actually write your essay for you?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “No, I can’t do that. You have to do your own essay, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “This library is horrible!” *storms out*

(Things didn’t end there; after leaving the library, the customer spent half an hour outside in the car park, screaming at people not to go inside!)

How Artists Draw Blank Faces

| London, England, UK | Bizarre

(I am waitressing at a wedding party being held above a bar in an art gallery. I have popped down to the bar to use their dishwasher. There are lots of contemporary art displays around the bar.)

Customer: “Hi, could I get a pint of Carling?”

Me: “Oh sorry, I don’t actually work here. You’ll have to ask someone else.”

Customer: “But you’re wearing uniform?”

(My uniform is not even slightly similar to the bar staff’s.)

Me: “Oh, that’s because I’m a waitress; I’m from upstairs.”

Customer: “Oh right, I thought you might be another art display. Okay, bye…”

Fresh Bread, Stale Attitude

| Seattle, WA, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I work at a piroshky bakery and have just started my morning shift. A customer comes in with a very obnoxious, self-important attitude.)

Me: “Good morning, sir! What can I get for you today?”

Self-important Customer: “What’s your freshest thing?”

Me: “Well, we just opened so everything is fresh out of the oven. I could warm one up if it’s not warm enough for you.”

Self-important Customer: *shakes his head* “No, I don’t want it warmed up.”

(He looks behind me to our rack where we put our piroshkies until we need to set them out.)

Self-important Customer: *points to rack* “What’s that there on the top?”

Me: “Those are our potato mushrooms, sir, although they’ve been out of the oven about the same time as our others so it’d be easier if I just got you one from—”

Self-important Customer: “No, I want one from back there.”

(I mentally sigh but go ahead and do as he asks since it’s a slow morning and there’s only a couple people in line. I turn to grab his order but he stops me.)

Self-important Customer: “Wait!” *points at rack again* “What are those?”

(There are at least 7 different types of piroshkies on the rack.)

Me: “Um, which ones, sir?”

Self-important Customer: “Those ones!”

(I look at him quizzically.)

Self-important Customer: “The ones on the second row!”

Me: “Oh, those are our Moscows. They’ve got Bavarian cream and Cream of Wheat in it which gives it—”

Self-important Customer: “I’ll take one of those.”

(We haven’t set one out yet, so my supervisor has to take out the whole pan and sprinkle powdered sugar on it. I grab everything for him and bag it up.)

Me: “All right, sir. Is there anything else I can get for you?”

Self-important Customer: “No, that’ll be all.”

(He pays and leaves. I run through a couple more customers until I get to a young guy.)

Young Guy: *saunters up to the counter* “Hey so, uh, what’s the freshest thing you got here?”

Me: “Pretty much everything just came out the oven.”

Young Guy: “Yeah, but I want really fresh, and like, potato mushroom.”

(I sort of stare at him then move to grab a potato mushroom. He starts laughing.)

Young Guy: “I’m just kidding with you, man. Did you see that guy?” *begins to imitate him* “I want the freshest thing you got!” *goes back to normal* “You’re in a bakery in the morning, man, everything’s fresh!”

(At this point everyone in the bakery is laughing. I get his order, still chuckling, and bag everything up for him.)

Me: “That’s going to be [price], please.”

(He pays and my supervisor steps up.)

Supervisor: “Wait, give him one for free. That was too funny!”

They Call Me Names

| NB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(I overhear a phone call another agent is having with a customer for technical support.)

Agent: “Hi, my name is [name]. Can I get your name and your TID please?”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “Your name.”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “Your N… A… M… E.”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “NAME. N… A… M… E…”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “No, your name.”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “Okay, what do people call you when they want your attention?”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “What did your mother call you when you were born?”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “Forget that, what’s your station number?”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “What’s the phone number at your site?”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “This isn’t working, how about we just end the call now? Get someone that speaks English since the rest of the questions I will have for you are just going to get harder.” *hangs up*

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