(I have recently introduced my husband to the game ‘Pikmin,’ and he’s become pretty addicted to it. I’m upstairs in the bath, and he’s in the living room playing. All I can hear are the sounds of the whistle used in the game to call your Pikmin.)

Me: *shouting* “Honey?”

(My husband does not respond.)

Me: *shouting louder* “Baby?!”

Husband: “Just a sec!”

(There is a pause, and then I hear him come to the bottom of the stairs.)

Husband: “Yes my love?”

Me: “Peep peep!” *I start whistling, like the whistle in the game*

Husband: “I’m not a Pikmin!”

Me: “Can you come up?”

(He comes upstairs, where I coerce him into a back scrub. We chat a bit, and he goes back down stairs. I wait until I hear him get to the bottom of the stairs.)

Me: “Peep peep!”

Husband: *running back* “Yes my love?!”

Me: “Nothing, I just wanted to see if that would work!”

(I have my learner’s permit, and am driving with my mom.)

Mom: “All right, you’re coming up to a stop sign. Take a left.”

Me: “Okay, left it is.”

(I pull up to the left turn lane, put on my left turn signal, and take the left.)

Mom: “Why the heck did you take a left?”

Me: “Because you said to!”

Mom: “WELL, THEN YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE LISTENED TO ME!”

Me: “Besides, I put on my left signal and went into the left turn lane! You didn’t notice any of that?”

Mom: “Whatever. Take a right up ahead.”

(I very purposefully take a left.)

Mom: “WHY DID YOU DO THAT?”

Me: “Because you said I shouldn’t listen to you.”

Mom: “WELL, YOU SHOULD!”

(My mother and I are taking my four- and three-year-old cousins to get some dinner.)

Mother: “Okay, what do we want to eat for dinner? You can have chicken or hamburgers.”

Four-Year-Old Cousin: “Burger.”

Me: *to the three-year-old cousin* “What about you? Chicken or Burger? What do you want to eat?”

Three-Year-Old Cousin: *long pause, then in a low whisper* “People…”

Tourists & Travelers Themed Giveaway Roundup! Here’s a final roundup of stories from last month’s themed giveaway!

1. Canada: America’s Hat, Part 7 (1,245 thumbs up)
2. Yukon Freeze It, Part 3 (1,115 thumbs up)
3. No Vocation For Location, Part 7 (1,029 thumbs up)
4. Having A Light Bulb Moment, Part 3 (843 thumbs up)
5. Dumb By Any Metric, Part 2 (1,150 thumbs up)
6. Ye Olde Fool (1,498 thumbs up)
7. Waiting For That Light Bulb Moment That Never Comes (1,174 thumbs up)
8. No ID, No Idea, Part 12 (1,000 thumbs up)
9. A Large Intelligence Gulf (Of Mexico) (1,170 thumbs up)
10. Loonie Over A Toonie, Part 3 (802 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

(I own a small cookie bakery on a busy main street on Cape Cod. A customer and his wife have purchased a cookie and some coffee and sat outside to enjoy it. I am having a conversation with my son, when the customer walks back in after they’ve finished.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Just a little constructive criticism.”

Me: “Okay. Sure!”

Customer: “The cookie we had was too salty.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. Which cookie did you purchase?”

Customer: “The lace cookie.”

Me: “You mean the one topped with sea salt?”

Customer: “I’m not sure why it tasted so salty!”

My Son: “But it’s… it’s topped with sea salt.”

Customer: “You know, you REALLY need to be careful about stuff like that when there are people like us who are watching our salt intake!”

Me: “Well then, sir, I’m not certain you made the best decision. Out of our 14 or so varieties, you chose to purchase a salted cookie.”

Customer: “But it was—” *reads description* “—OH! I see. Um, okay, have a great day!”