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    Caught On Con-did Camera

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Liars & Scammers, Wild & Unruly

    (I am working as a ride attendant for a theme park roller coaster.)

    Me: *over the intercom* “Once the gates have opened completely, you may make your way to the farthest available seat. Please make sure to secure all personal belongings and fasten your seat belt securely.”

    (Two men approach me from the loading gates, one of whom is in a wheelchair.)

    Disabled Guest: “Hey, buddy. You think you could help my friend get me into the seat there?”

    Me: “Uh, sure, I could do that.”

    (His friend wheels him over to the end of a row of seats and puts the brake on his chair.)

    Me: “What do you need me to do?”

    Friend: “You get his feet; I’ll get him from the back.”

    Disabled Guest: “Thanks again.”

    (The disabled guest raises his arms and his friend grabs him around the chest while I lift his feet off the ground and we sidle over to the train car. Suddenly the disabled guest twists his upper body violently and his friend drops him on his rear end.)

    Disabled Guest: “OH, GOD!”

    Friend: “What the f*** did you just do?!””

    Me: *terrified* “What?”

    Disabled Guest: “F***, s***, f***! I think my back is busted!”

    Friend: *pointing at me, looking all around* “You all saw him! He dropped my buddy on purpose! That’s first-degree assault!”

    Me: “But I didn’t do anything!”

    Disabled Guest: *still pretending to be in pain* “Somebody call an ambulance! Somebody call a lawyer! Call the cops!”

    Friend: *stomping over to stand one inch from me* “You think just ’cause my buddy’s in a wheelchair you can do whatever you f****** want to him? We’re gonna sue the s*** out of your f****** a**!”

    (He shoves me with both hands, but then the guy in the end seat in the row behind the one we were trying to sit the disabled man in yells at them and points his camera phone at them.)

    Camera Guy: “Hey! You leave him alone! I saw what you did! You tried to set him up! He didn’t drop your friend! You did!”

    (The disabled guest, still lying on the ground, abruptly stops yelling in pain.)

    Friend: “F*** you, f**! You can’t prove anything!”

    Camera Guy: “Oh, yeah? I got the whole thing on video!” *he waves his phone at them*

    Friend: “Give me that f****** phone!”

    (The disabled guest’s friend lunges for the phone but the other man quickly hands it to his wife two seats over. The friend hits his head on the side of the train car and his extended hand scratches the camera man’s neck.)

    Disabled Guest: “[Friend], get the f****** phone, you r****d!”

    (The charade begins to fall apart as his friend staggers and clutches his head, which is now bleeding.)

    Friend: *staggering and clutching his head, which is now bleeding* “F*** you!”

    Camera Guy: “Somebody call security! These guys are con artists! I got it all on tape!”

    (I dash around the disabled guest, having to jump as he tries to grab me by the legs, and run back to the intercom.)

    Me: “Security to [roller coaster] loading platform. Emergency!”

    (Three security guards armed with night sticks and mace show up only a few seconds later and have to drag the disabled man’s friend away as he was trading kicks with the camera guy and the camera guy’s wife. The camera couple and the two men are both taken to the nearest emergency station, and security makes me go with them. A park official shows up about half an hour later to take statements from everyone involved separately. After I give my statement, I wait alone in a waiting room for some time before a park doctor comes in and tells me the camera couple wants to talk to me. I’m led into their room.)

    Camera Guy: “Hey, I wanted you to know I saw everything that happened. If that guy tries any legal s*** against you, I’ll be a witness.”

    Me: “That would be great of you. I just… I don’t know what’s going on.”

    Camera Guy’s Wife: “This place is full of cheaters and liars; that’s what’s going on.”

    Camera Guy: “D*** right, honey.”

    (The park official walks in again.)

    Camera Guy: “You don’t believe that jacka**’s story, do you?” *points to me* “This guy didn’t do anything wrong. I caught it all on video with my phone if you need proof.”

    Park Official: “That won’t be necessary, sir. We have security cameras all over the park. We saw what those men did.”

    (The two men were banned from the park and the able-bodied one was charged with assault on the camera guy and his wife, who were given a refund on their admission, four additional one-day tickets, vouchers for free meals at any restaurant in the park, and two huge stuffed animals for their kids, all free.)

    Age Before Lewdy

    | UK | Rude & Risque

    (A coworker and I are talking about birthdays. A woman, around 70, is in the shop, and decides to add to our conversation in a very unique way.)

    Me: “Everyone in my family says I’m really hard to buy for, so I’m pretty much guaranteed to get pyjamas from everyone I know.”

    Coworker: “I’m the same. I probably have more pyjamas than actual clothes.”

    70-year-old Customer: “Oh, I’m the same, but with night dresses. I prefer them because they’re easier access.” *winks*

    Long Shifts Can Make You Crackers

    | Louisville, KY, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I am fairly new at running the fitting room, which consists of answering the phone and unlocking the fitting room doors so people can try on clothes. Today has been particularly stressful as all five lines are ringing, and I have a crowd waiting to try things on. Finally, I get the phones answered and people into the rooms. One woman is waiting for her husband to try on pants.)

    Wife: “Long day?”

    Me: “Yeah, this is the first time I’ve been alone on the phones at a busy time.”

    Wife: “You look a little pale and shaky. Are you feeling okay?”

    Me: “I forgot to eat before I came in. When my coworker gets back I get to go on break, though.”

    Wife: “Want me to buy you a pack of crackers or something?”

    Me: *stunned* “Oh, it’s fine! Thank you so much, but I’m okay!”

    (She continues to offer while I decline. Her husband makes the same offer when he comes out, having heard the conversation. I decline again as my coworker comes back. I bought myself something to eat, but I was so touched by their generosity!)

    It’s Going To Be A Tough Quarter

    | Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Crazy Requests, Money

    Customer: “Can you help me put packing tape on this box so I can ship it?”

    Me: “Of course.”

    (I help her seal the box, which is full of nice clothes. Then I put the box’s measurements in and show her the prices.)

    Me: “Looks like your cheapest bet will be through USPS at [price].”

    Customer: “What about this option?”

    (She points at a USPS option that is about 25 cents cheaper than what I offered.)

    Me: “That’s the Media Mail rate. It only applies if you’re shipping books or CDs.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m shipping books.”

    Me: “No, I saw the contents of your package when I sealed it. You’re not shipping books or CDs, so I can’t give you the media rate.”

    Customer: “But I want the cheaper price.”

    Me: “It’s only a difference of 25 cents. It isn’t that big a difference, is it?”

    Customer: “Can’t you, like, just say that I’m shipping books?”

    Me: “You’re asking me to lie and put my job at risk just to save you a quarter?”

    Customer: “Yes! God! Is that too much to ask to save me some money?”

    Takes One To Serve One

    | CA, USA | Uncategorized

    Worker: “Thank you for calling [insurance company]. My name is [name]. How may I help you today?”

    Me: “Hi, my name is [full name]. I went online to get a quote from your company yesterday, and I would like to get my car insurance through you guys. My confirmation number is [number].”

    Worker: “Great! I can help set that up for you. Could I have your name and the last four numbers of your social security number?”

    (I repeat my name, not even thinking about it, and my social.)

    Worker: “Oh, wow, now I feel stupid. You already gave me your name! Wait… you didn’t get upset or anything; you just went along with the program.”

    Me: *laughs* “Yeah, I guess I didn’t even think anything of it.”

    Worker: “Well, I appreciate it. Most customers would have been upset, claiming I didn’t listen or whatever. Okay, next question: what is your area of employment?”

    Me: “I’m a customer service representative.”

    Worker: “Ah, no wonder.”

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