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    Crazy Golf

    | WA, Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (To pay for university costs, I work for a small, government run golf course as a cashier. A customer in his forties enters the store.)

    Me: “Hi. Welcome to [Golf Course]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah. I’d like to play nine holes on the course with buggy hire. Thanks.”

    Me: “Alright. Your total comes to $30. Will you be paying in cash or by card?”

    Customer: “Actually, I was hoping I could give you this instead?”

    (The customer slides a bottle of unmarked, white liquid across the table and looks at me grinning.)

    Me: “Uh… sir. I don’t know what that is.”

    Customer: “Oh, I make my own perfume in my bathtub! How about this bottle for my course fees?”

    Me: “Sir, I must insist that you pay with currency. Perfume is not legal tender and I not be able to balance my till otherwise.”

    (The customer takes the bottle back hastily, looking as if I’d just insulted his mother.)

    Customer: “You don’t want my perfume? What kind of golf course is this!?”

    Retail Politics

    retail-politics--21814

    A Walk-In That Runs Out

    Retired & Extremely Dangerous, Part 2

    | Birmingham, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Money, Top

    (My dad and I have just checked out at the supermarket. There are two elderly ladies pushing shopping carts in front of us. They are walking slowly towards the exit. Another customer is walking behind them with her son, who looks about 20. The son is obviously annoyed at the fact that he cannot get past the ladies walking so slowly. He speaks loud enough so that the whole shop can hear him.)

    Son: “God, these old people! Always getting in the way. They are useless. They should be locked up so they can’t get in normal people’s way.”

    (The son’s mum doesn’t say anything to him, but I can see that my dad is getting angry.)

    Son: “They don’t deserve pensions. Let them work until they drop! They probably retired when they were 45 and are leeching off the government.”

    (My dad taps the son on the shoulder.)

    Dad: “You’re making a scene and upsetting those ladies. Calm it down, would you?”

    Son: “They probably can’t even hear me. They’re all deaf anyway. Coffin dodgers! Why do you care if they even hear me?”

    Dad: “First, I’m 67 and have worked since I was 16 years old up until my retirement two weeks ago. Second, my parents taught me to respect my elders; something your mother obviously didn’t bother to do, considering I’m giving you the verbal battering she should be. And it’s not those women who should be locked up; it’s misinformed, loud idiots like you.”

    (By now the whole supermarket has stopped and is looking over at my dad.)

    Dad: “As for leeching off the government: I get a pension, the same as those ladies and thousands of other elderly people do and it’s just over the minimum wage. Sometimes I have to decide between heating my house and eating food! You wait until you get older and retire and see how it feels then to be treated like a second class citizen by obnoxious, mouthy trash!”

    (Throughout this whole thing the son has looked shocked. Finally his mother speaks up.)

    Mum: “You’re right, totally right. It shouldn’t take a stranger to tell my son his behaviour is terrible.” *to her son* “I am completely ashamed of you. You know nothing about hardship considering you are claiming unemployment money and living rent free in my house. Now apologise to those ladies and to this gentleman.”

    (The son says sorry, grudgingly, to all three.)

    Mum: “And you see all this food and those DVDs that you wanted and I paid for just now? Well, you won’t get one piece of it.”

    (The mum unloads all the food into the old ladies carts and gives the DVDs and a large piece of meat to my dad.)

    Mum: “I hope this goes some way to making you feel valued and appreciated.”

    (They walk out and the supermarket is silent for a moment. Then one of the old ladies starts to applaud and so does the rest of the customers and staff. The next time my dad went in to get his shopping they gave him £100 worth of coupons, and now all the staff know him.)

    Related:
    Retired & Extremely Dangerous

    Making A Display Of Themselves

    | NM, USA | Bizarre, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a department store selling shoes, where we keep the smallest size on display. We are often only sent one pair in each size, so it’s not uncommon for small-footed customers to ask for discounts on display shoes.)

    Customer: “This shoe fits me perfectly, but it’s the display.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but that is our only size six.”

    Customer: “Well, can I get a discount?”

    Me: “We only offer discounts on shoes with obvious defects or damage. These look fine to me, but if you don’t want to take the display I can order you a new pair.”

    Customer: “So, there’s nothing you can do?”

    Me: “I can treat them with leather lotion, which will solve any dryness or minor scuffs from being on display.”

    (The customer narrows her eyes at me. She puts the toe of the shoe in her mouth and bites down, leaving obvious teeth marks in the leather.)

    Customer: “How about now?”

    (My manager, who has seen the whole thing, has walked up behind me.)

    Manager: “Now you have to buy them. Full price.”

    Customer: “But they’re damaged!”

    Manager: “And I’m sure the police would love to hear how you purposefully gnawed on our merchandise. Shall we call them?”

    (The customer hung her head, but quietly paid for the shoes. She hasn’t been in since.)

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