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    Archive for 2013

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    Complaining Won’t Change Things

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    Your Price Is Wrong

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    Caring About The Carers

    | Derbyshire, England, UK | Bigotry, Top

    (A regular customer with a mental disability is currently in the restaurant with his carer. The man comes in every week and is one of the nicest customers we have.)

    Carer: “Hey! Can I have a word please? Do you guys mind that we come in here to eat?”

    Me: “Of course we don’t mind! You’re more than welcome here; don’t be silly! Why do you ask such a thing?”

    Carer: “Oh, thanks! It’s just that that couple over there said that they’d spoken to you, and that you were thinking of the best thing to say to kick us out!”

    Me: “They really said that?! Right, stay here for a moment, please. I’ll be right back.”

    (Although I’m furious, I sweetly approach the couple in question.)

    Me: “Hey guys, I understand you’re having a bit of a problem today. Anything I can do to help?”

    Customer:Finally! Yes, you certainly can help! I want those people over there gone! It’s plain rude that they’d dare be here!”

    Me: “May I enquire as to why you wish for them to be removed from the store?”

    Customer: “People like that shouldn’t be allowed in normal restaurants! I shouldn’t have to put up with it!”

    Me: “Oh, you’re absolutely right, sir! You shouldn’t have to put up with it at all!”

    Customer: “I knew you’d understand!”

    Me: “Yes, completely! That’s why I’m giving you a total of 30 seconds to remove yourself from my store before I ban you completely! And if you dare to say such a disgustingly prejudiced thing about one of my most valued customers again, you’ll have more than just some harsh words to deal with!”

    Customer: “You can’t talk to me like that! How dare you?!”

    Me: “Well, it looks like I just did. Don’t ever bother my customers again. Get out.”

    Customer: “Why should I get out? I have every right to be here!”

    Me: “As does everyone, regardless of how different they may be. You, however, no longer have a right to be here. If I have to ask you to leave again, I will have the police come to remove you.”

    (The couple left, cursing my name and threatening to call to have me fired. When they did ring, I’d already received a pay rise for what I did following a call from my regulars!)

    He’ll Be In The Afterlife After The Birth

    | CA, USA | Health & Body, Holidays, Spouses & Partners, Top

    (It is Halloween. The hospital staff have put up decorations, but they’re minimal. I’m trying to wheel a patient who is in labor, to the room she was assigned, along with her husband.)

    Patient’s Husband: “We should put her in the room with the witch hanging over the door.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. That room’s actually a different size. I’m supposed to take you to room 79.”

    Patient’s Husband: “But that room has a ghost. She wants a witch.”

    Me: “The only room we have with that decoration is half the size of this one, and doesn’t have all the same equipment in it. This is the room you paid for.”

    Patient’s Husband: “It has to be a witch. She’s been real nasty all week.”

    (As she hears her husband say this, the wife is looking less and less pleased. She is a week overdue, and has been in for false labor pains the past two weeks.)

    Me: “That’s interesting, but there aren’t any decorations inside the room anyway. What is inside this room is a much wider space for the doctor and nurses to provide her with better care.”

    Patient’s Husband: “She wants a witch, so put her in the room with the witch.”

    (Finally, the patient has had enough and speaks up.)

    Patient: “Shut up. I want to get this kid out in whatever room the people who know what they’re doing think is best, you dumb troll!”

    Worst Superhero Name Ever

    | Orlando, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I work at the meat/seafood counter of my store. I greet my first customer of the day.)

    Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a six lb. rib roast, please.”

    Me: “Certainly. Let me go and pass your order on to the butcher.”

    (I go back into the cutting room. The butcher says it will take about ten minutes because of the other order he has to fill first. I go back to the counter.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, he can have your order ready in ten minutes. If you want, you can do some more shopping and come back later. We’ll set your order up here on the counter when it’s ready for you.”

    Customer: “Are you being a smart-a**?!”

    Me: “Um… excuse me?”

    Customer: “Are. You. Being. A. Smart-a**!?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what the problem is.”

    Customer: *in a mocking tone* “Oh, look at me! I’m Mr. Big Shot Meat Guy! I’ll put your order right up here on the counter! Right here, all nice and neat, because I’m Mr. Big Shot Meat Guy!”

    Me: “Uh… that’s just what we do, ma’am. If someone places an order we set it on the counter for them to come and pick up when it’s ready.”

    (She gives me the dirtiest look I’ve ever seen, and stomps away.)

    Co-worker: “Welcome to work, Mr. Big Shot Meat Guy!”

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