(My parents live in an area of Pennsylvania that has a large Amish population. My daughter and I visit them from Finland. My daughter is curious about the Amish way of life, and I explain.)

Me: “They don’t use a lot of the technology that we do, like electricity, telephones, and TVs.”

(My daughter seems satisfied. Later, we return from our trip and are visiting friends back in Finland.)

Daughter: “Mom, they don’t have a TV in their living room!”

Me: “Some people don’t watch TV.”

Daughter: *whispering* “They might be Amish!”

(My sister has come down with the flu, and is acting pretty sad and childlike.)

Sister: “I wanna hang out with you, but I don’t wanna get you sick!”

Me: “[Sister], again, by this point, I would have already gotten sick. Just don’t cough on me.”

Sister: “Well, I was planning to cough on EVERYTHING YOU LOVE, but okay.”

(I’m spending the summer with my grandmother in a small southern town, but I’m from Connecticut.)

Me: “Hello, I’m [name]. I’ll be your server today. Can I start you off with something to drink?”

Customer: *in a thick southern drawl* “What an unusual accent! Where are you from?”

Me: “I’m from New England.”

Customer: “How lovely! I’ve always wanted to go to Europe!”

(I work at a retailer where we frequently sell and install car batteries. I am currently installing one with the customer constantly looking over my shoulder.)

Me: “Sir, one of these bolts is stripped; I will have to replace it or the car will not start.”

Customer: “I’m sure it will be fine.”

Me: “But, sir—”

Customer: “JUST LEAVE IT!”

(I finish hooking up the battery and the car does not start just as I told him.)

Customer: “Oh you really f****** up! You just ruined my wife’s $60,000 truck! I need to get an emissions test done; now it’s going to fail. Do you even know what the f*** you’re doing?”

Me: “Sir, there is nothing wrong with the truck. Like I told you earlier, the bolt needs to be replaced. I’ll be more than happy to do it free of charge.”

(I begin replacing the bolt silently, all while he is screaming and questioning my intelligence. I finish and the car starts up immediately.)

Customer: “YOU KNOW WHAT!? You don’t know what you’re doing; I don’t want your battery anymore! Put my old one back in; I’m going to the dealer!”

(At this point I’ve heard enough, and politely oblige and quickly go back in to help another customer who has been patiently waiting. 30 seconds later, my original customer rushes back into the store.)

Customer: “YOU DUMB-A**! My car won’t start! I knew you had no idea what you’re doing! And now my $60,000 truck is ruined because of your stupidity!”

Me: “Sir, your car isn’t starting because you told me to put your dead battery back in, after I had it running with the new one. Now this customer has been waiting patiently; I will gladly help you after I help this gentleman.”

(The original continues to have a fit in front of all the other customers, insulting me and my intelligence. I turn to the next customer.)

Next Customer: *in a very cheery voice* “Hi, how are you today!?”

Me: “Oh, I’m just wonderful. What can I do for you today?”

(The next customer looks at the angry original customer, then back at me with a huge grin on his face.)

Next Customer: “Yes! I have truck outside that needs a battery. Would you mind installing it for me?”

Original Customer: *lets out a moan of disgust, and storms out*

(It’s near the end of the school year, and I’m about to go on a three-week hiatus for surgery to replace torn ligaments in my knee. It’s the kind of surgery that keeps you down for a good while and unable to walk. I take an extra week off before surgery so I can spend time doing things I wouldn’t be able to do for a while and to get things in order before my surgery. My managers know this, as I told them when my last day was as soon as I found out when my surgery was scheduled.)

(Two months out:)

Manager: “When’s your last day?”

Me: “May 2nd, because my surgery’s May 9th.”

Manager: “Okay, cool.”

(One month out:)

Manager: “When’s your last day?”

Me: “My surgery’s May 9th, but my last day’s May 2nd.”

Manager: “Right. Gotcha.”

(Two weeks out:)

Manager: “When’s your last day?”

Me: “May 2nd. Surgery’s May 9th. I’ll write it down for you.”

Manager: “Alright, cool. Thanks!”

(The week of May 2nd arrives. I’m at home, and it’s May 3rd. I get a text from my other manager.)

Manager #2: “When’s your surgery?”

Me: “May 9th. Yesterday was my last day, but I’ll be there for the screening tonight.”

Manager #2: “Okay. Thanks.”

(Later that night, I am at the theater before the screening.)

Coworker: “Yeah, poor [Manager #2] spent the entire day fixing the schedule, because [Manager] completely screwed it up.”

Me: “Wow, really? How so?”

Coworker: “Well, first of all, he had you working this coming week.”

Me: “Seriously?!”

Coworker: “Yep. Scheduled you to work Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Wednesday.”

Me: “Wednesday’s the day of my surgery…”