October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

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Mini Golf Vs Beer Pong

| Regina, SK, Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Underaged

(Two ten-year-old boys come up to the counter.)

Boy #1: “Hey, would you give us some beer?”

Me: “No, you guys aren’t old enough.”

Boy #1: “Oh, man, they don’t even have any Captain Morgan beer. That’s the best.”

Boy #2: “Whoa, you know so much about beer!”

Who Does She Sink She Is

| USA | Bad Behavior, Love/Romance

(I’m a lifeguard at a local pool. My girlfriend stops by on my lunch break. We’re standing near the concession stand when a middle aged woman approaches, dragging a teenage boy behind her.)

Woman: “You! Young man! Front and center!”

Me: “How may I help you, ma’am?”

Woman: “While you were standing around flirting with this… this harlot, my baby almost drowned!”

(My girlfriend bursts out laughing, and the woman’s 15-year-old “baby” turns bright red.)

Me: “So sorry, ma’am. I’m not on duty right now, but several other lifeguards are. I’d appreciate it if you refrained from calling other guests vulgar names, though.”

Woman: “I’m just calling them as I see them! Look at how she’s dressed! Those shorts barely cover her butt!”

Girlfriend: *trying to hold in her laughter* “I think I’m going to run, babe. Love you.”

Woman:Love!? You two are not in love! You’ve known each other for thirty seconds and almost caused my baby to drown!”

Me: *sighing* “Okay, ma’am. I will be back on duty in five minutes.”

Woman: “Okay! By the way, dear, you could do much better than that harlot!”

Needs To Learn Copy-Right And Wrong

| Seattle, WA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top

(We get reports from various companies for copyright infringement. When we do, the customer gets a note on their account. We call them, letting them know they’ve been caught and request that they stop. I had called this customer a week before and they informed me that they had an unprotected wireless point that they would secure. They have another notification, so I call them back.)

Me: “Hello, this is [company name] again. We spoke last week.”

Customer: “I remember; we’ve replaced the router and added a password to our wifi as of last weekend. It should be fixed.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but we got another infringement notice yesterday.”

Customer: “How is that possible?”

Me: “I’m not sure; maybe you’re downloading something you don’t—”

Customer: “We don’t download anything here!”

Me: “I understand sir, but maybe we should check out the notice and see what is being downloaded?”

Customer: “Okay, sure. But I’m telling you, I’m not downloading anything illegal.”

Me: *pulls up the notice* “Umm… sir. It says here the content in question is rather… adult in nature.”

Customer: “What?”

(I read off the long, clearly niche pornographic title. I earn some looks from my co-workers.)

Customer: “I am a good Christian father! I would never risk my marriage or my faith for pornography, especially not that perverted stuff. I can’t believe you’d accuse me of being a freak like that!”

Me: “Sir, you said ‘father’. You wouldn’t by chance happen to have a son, would you?”

Customer: “…yes.”

Me: “He… wouldn’t by chance happen to have his own computer in his room, would he?”

Customer: “Not anymore, thank you.”

About To Get A Slice Of Life

| ON, Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to get this cake, please.” *points at one*

Me: “Sure, would you like anything written on it?”

Customer: “Yeah, can you put ‘Happy Birthday Daddy’?”

Me: “Daddy?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

Me: “Sure, just one second.”

(I get my icing bags.)

Me: “Okay, so that was ‘Happy Birthday Daddy’?”

Customer: “Actually… could you just put ‘Happy Birthday Tom’?”

Me: “‘Tom’?”

Customer: “Yeah…” *pauses* “…I’ll tell him eventually.”

(My heart melts. I don’t know how to react, so I just write on her cake and send her on her way. I never did find out how things turned out for that woman, but I wish her all the best.)

Radiating A Feeling Of Thanksgiving

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Awesome Workers, Family & Kids, Top, Transportation

(I am a married father of three and money is tight. A few days before Thanksgiving, my truck develops a radiator leak. I really need my truck fixed on this particular Saturday. I find a local shop that is willing to take a look even though they are usually closed Saturdays.)

Mechanic: “Okay, I found a pinhole leak in one of the side tanks on the radiator and should be able to fix it no problem. It will be about $45.”

(I grimace at the cost, but have no choice.)

Me: “Okay, do what you need to. I just need it fixed.”

(After another 20 minutes…)

Mechanic: “Well, I have good news and bad news. The hole is fixed but it turns out that the seal on the other side is leaking badly as well.”

Me: “How much more will that cost to fix?”

(He leans into the manager’s office and asks how much.)

Manager: “That would bring it up to $65.00… maybe more, depending on how we have to repair it.”

Me: “Well, go ahead and fix it. I really need the truck running today.”

(The mechanic goes back to fix it. My phone rings and it’s a friend. )

Friend: *on the phone* “How bad is the truck? How much will it cost?”

(I proceed to tell him the truck’s condition and cost, and add…)

Me: “…this really hurts because it’s coming out of our grocery money for the week.”

(After my truck is fixed, the mechanic comes in to speak with the boss.)

Mechanic: “Alright, it’s all fixed and ready to go. Boss? How much do I charge him?”

Manager: *to me* “Where is your car parked? Front or back?”

Me: “Out front.”

Manager: *to the mechanic* “Take it out front and put it in his trunk for him. No charge.”

Me: “What? Are you serious?”

Manager: “As a heart attack. You go enjoy your Thanksgiving with your family, and Happy Holidays!”

(In shock and disbelief, I leave the shop with the mechanic, load up with my son, and leave. It dawns on me five minutes into the drive I forgot to even say thank you! I went back the following Monday and thanked him profusely and took a stack of business cards with me. I now recommend them to anyone who has car troubles. And they say kindness is dead in our modern age.)

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