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    The Signal Is Strong With This One

    | UK | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Technology, Top

    Customer: “I’m looking for a Motorola Android phone.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t sell Motorola in this store. We do, however, have several different Android handsets you could take a look at.”

    (The customer dutifully looks over several Android phones, before turning to the me. He looks serious.)

    Customer: “These are not the ‘droids I’m looking for.”

    Wanted A Refund, But Scratch That

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (A familiar looking lady approaches the front counter, but I can’t remember where I’ve seen her before. She speaks briefly to a colleague that is manning the front counter, who comes over to me.)

    Colleague: “This lady wants to return this DVD because she claims it doesn’t work. Take a look at the disc.”

    (I take a look at the disc, and it is severely scratched.)

    Me: “Well, that’s clearly why it’s not working. Did she say she bought it like that?”

    Colleague: “Yeah. She said she opened it and the disc was already like that.”

    (All of our DVDs come with security seals which are unlocked when purchased, so I know this isn’t the case. I look at the DVD title in our system, and notice we have not sold any in the last four weeks. I remember this same customer has tried to return DVDs in the same condition before.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. How are you today? Now, were you the customer that was after a refund for this DVD?”

    Customer: “Yes, it doesn’t work.”

    Me: “Okay. Now did you have a receipt for it? That way I can clear up a few things.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t have a receipt! I didn’t think I’d need one!”

    Me: “Okay, that’s fine. Now when did you purchase this DVD?”

    Customer: “Last week! Why is this even an issue?”

    Me: “Well, I have just checked our records. It shows that we haven’t sold a copy of this DVD is over a month. So, either you’re lying to me, or you’ve stolen it. In either case, you are definitely not getting a refund, and I suggest you leave this store immediately. I’ll be sure to ring all neighbouring stores, informing them that you’re attempting to get a refund on a product that you may not have even bought. Is that all for today?”

    (The customer snatches the DVD, and runs out of the store. I ring the store closest to us. Two hours later, I receive a phone call saying they caught her, and she is wanted for 12 other charges!)

    Dim And Dimmer

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid

    (I notice a customer seems particularly interested in a light.)

    Me: “Can I answer any questions for you?”

    Customer: “Nope, I think I’ve found the light I’m looking for! Can you ring me up?”

    Me: “I’d be glad to! But because of the type of fixture, I should ask you. Are you going to be using it with a dimmer?”

    Customer: “Of course.”

    Me: “Do you happen to know if that dimmer is compatible with these kinds of fixtures? Sometimes there can be issues, and I’d want your light to work properly for you.”

    Customer: “I don’t know what kind of dimmer we have. It was there when we bought the house. Is the compatible dimmer more expensive?”

    Me: “Yes, which is why I wanted to warn you before you bought a fixture that might need it. You may even have a compatible dimmer already. Many homes do. But you may want to check first.”

    Customer: “You’re just trying to sell me something useless to get a bigger commission!”

    Me: “Well, we don’t work on commission. I just didn’t want you to run into a nasty surprise. If you like, I can write down the code for the light if you want to go home and check before you buy. Then you could purchase at a later date. Or, if you wanted to buy the light and then go home to check, you can return the light for a full refund if you don’t want to replace the dimmer.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you call this customer service! I just want to buy this light! Why is that so difficult? I don’t believe for a second that you don’t work commission! I don’t think you know what you’re talking about at all! I want to talk to your manager!”

    Me: “Of course, I’ll see if he’s available.”

    (I go and find my boss.)

    Manager: “Hi, I’m the manager. Can I help you?”

    (The customer is now completely calm and pleasant.)

    Customer: “Yes, I understand that this type of fixture might work better with a certain type of dimmer.”

    Manager: “Yes, that’s correct.”

    Customer: “And the dimmer we might need is more expensive?”

    Manager: “Yes.”

    (He begins to explain technical details I went through before.)

    Customer: “Oh, yes. We know all about that. If we purchase this, take it home, and our dimmer isn’t compatible, could we return it?”

    Manager: “Absolutely.”

    Customer: “Thank you so much, you’ve been so helpful! Could you ring us through?”

    (My manager rings them through, and they leave.)

    Manager: “They seemed very nice. Why did you call me out here? I was busy!”

    Sparked A (Necklace) Chain Reaction

    | Robeline, LA, USA | Awesome Customers

    (It’s a slow night, so I take out some of my craft supplies. As I’m piecing together an earring, a regular customer walks into the store. I smile as I tuck away my supplies.)

    Me: “Hello! How’re you this evening?”

    Regular: “Good! What were you doing just now?”

    (I pull out the earring.)

    Me: “Oh. I was making a pair of earrings to pass the time.”

    Regular: “You make earrings?”

    Me: “Yeah, I’ve made a few necklaces too.”

    (I pull my necklace out of my shirt to show him.)

    Regular: “That’s really nice. Hey, I’ve got some beads and stuff that my wife bought. We were going to make jewelry to sell, but we never got around to it. When I get home tonight, I’ll get her to help me dig out some of the beads. I’ll bring them in, or send them with Mom, okay?”

    Me: “Okay, thanks!”

    (A week later, his mother comes into the store. She hands me a package containing dozens of hand-blown glass beads, along with a note.)

    Mother’s Note: “These are just some of the beads. Hope you can use these in your jewelry making. We’re still trying to dig the rest of them out. It may take a few more trips, but we’ll get them all to you.”

    (It’s the nice people like that who make my job worthwhile!)

    Handling Change Well

    | Cork, Ireland | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (A well-dressed, middle-aged man comes up to me with a friendly smile.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I’m sorry to be a bother. Could I possibly get change from you?”

    Me: “Okay, come up to the till. I’ll help you out.”

    Customer: “Thank you so much.”

    (He hands me three €20 note.)

    Customer: “If I could get a €50 note and a €10 note out of this, it’d be really helpful.”

    (I take the three €20 notes, and hand him back the change.)

    Customer: “Thanks. Sorry, but could I ask one more favor? Could I just get two €1 coins for this?”

    (He hands me a €2 coin. I am feeling slightly suspicious now. I turn back to the till, take out the two one-euro coins, and hand them to the man. He doesn’t move.)

    Me: “Is there something else?”

    Customer: “You never gave me the €50 note.”

    Me: “I’m pretty sure I did.”

    Customer: “No, you definitely didn’t.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not giving you any more money. If you would like, you can come back during closing. If we’re €50 over the end of day report, I will be happy to rectify my mistake. However, I’m absolutely positive I did not make one.”

    Customer: “Are you, really? This is ridiculous. You did not give me the money!”

    Me: “I think I did.”

    Customer: “You couldn’t have made a mistake? How are you so sure?”

    Me: “Because the corner of the €50 note I gave you is sticking out of your sleeve.”

    (Turns out he had done it to all the other shops on the street, and successfully conned two.)

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