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    Archive for 2013

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    Common Sense Has Checked Out

    | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I finish a customer’s order, and they ask for a pen so they can write a check.)

    Me: “Oh, sure. But you don’t need to fill it out.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (The customer continues to write the check.)

    Me: “You can just fill out the information you need, but you don’t need to fill out the check. You can leave it blank if you’d like to.”

    Customer: “What’s the date today?”

    Me: “It’s the 30th, but you don’t need to write it down, unless you need to.”

    (The customer completely fills out the check. I run the check, and when the transaction’s complete, I give the customer her receipt and check back.)

    Me: “There you are. Have a great night!”

    Customer: *looking at the check in her hand* “Oh, you didn’t need this?”

    Me: “Nope, it’s run electronically.”

    Customer: “Why didn’t you say anything!?”

    Refund Isn’t In The (Memory) Cards

    | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Top

    (A customer comes in trying to return a camera with no receipt. After I tell her I will not be doing the refund, she demands a manager.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Your store ruined my daughter’s graduation! This camera that your employees sold me wouldn’t work! I couldn’t take any pictures!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, but without a receipt we can’t refund this.”

    Customer: “You are going to refund this! And the memory card too!”

    Me: “Okay, tell you what: why don’t I just try to fix your camera for you? Then we’ll go from there.”

    (The customer scoffs and shoves her camera at me.)

    Customer: “Yeah, sure, go ahead and try. I’m telling you, you sold me a defective camera.”

    (I turn the camera on. It works fine. I try to take a picture; it says it doesn’t have enough memory. I open the battery compartment to inspect the card and immediately see the problem.)

    Me: “This isn’t a memory card.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?! Your employees picked this card and sold it to me!”

    Me: “This is an adapter, which is fine. The memory card needs to be inside of the adapter as well. Do you have something that looks like it would fit in this?”

    Customer: “Oh, that little thing? I threw that away.”

    (She grabs her camera and slinks away.)

    They Are Tea Total, Part 2

    | CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    Customer: “I’d like an iced coffee with milk, with no coffee in it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Did you want a decaffeinated iced coffee?”

    Customer: “No, I just hate the taste of coffee. I want an iced coffee with milk, but hold the coffee.”

    Me: “So, would you like milk and ice?”

    Customer: “No, I want it without coffee. I have it all the time. It’s brown, and kind of sweet.”

    Me: “Tea?”

    Customer: “Yes! How did you not understand that?”

    Related:
    He Is Tea Total

    Been To Hell(‘s Angels) And Back

    | WA, USA | Awesome Customers, History, Top

    (Our theatre has a lecture series where authors give presentations. One presenter is a Holocaust survivor. I am very surprised to see a large and stereotypical ‘biker’ come in. He has a leather vest, sleeveless shirt, tattoos, and a beard. As the holocaust survivor is presenting, two teenage boys are being very rowdy and whispering to each other.)

    Boy #1: “God! When the f*** is this going to be over?”

    Boy #2: “I don’t know. Can we just go now?”

    (They stand up, and attempt to leave. The biker stands up, removes his sunglasses, and addresses the teens.)

    Biker: “Listen here you little s***. This sweet little old lady has gone through more s*** then you ever will in your life. I advise you to sit your little punk-a** down, and pay her the respect she deserves.”

    (The boys sit down, intimidated. The biker receives a round of applause and a hug from the lecturer. I refund his ticket, and offer him free entrance to all our lectures. He’s been to each and every one since.)

    A Hollow Victory

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geeks Rule, Technology, Top

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a certain kind of video game. Could you help me?”

    Me: “Sure, what were you looking for?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a game called Hollow.”

    Me: “I’ve never heard of that one before. Let me look it up in the computer for you.”

    (I type in ‘Hollow’ on the computer. It’s giving me very few results. The closest thing we have is a DS game called ‘Time Hollow’.)

    Me: “Here. Is this the correct game?”

    Customer: “No, that’s the wrong game. The game I’m looking for is for the Xbox 360.”

    (I attempt the search again.)

    Me: “I really don’t know how to break this to you, but there is no such thing as a game called Hollow for the Xbox 360.”

    Customer: “Bull-s*** there isn’t! The game isn’t even that old! You’re probably not even spelling it right. It’s only four letters long; how do you screw that up? H-A-L-O, it’s not that hard!”

    Me: “Oh, you mean Halo! Oh, yes, we definitely have that in stock!”

    Customer: “Then, why were you jerking me around like that?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I thought you said Hollow, as in H-O-L-L-O-W. I didn’t realize you meant ‘Halo’.”

    Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know how it’s pronounced? I’m not much of a game person!”

    Me: “With all due respect, ma’am, ‘Halo’ is a real word. It can be found in the English dictionary.”

    (The customer glares at me.)

    Customer: “Smart-a**.”


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