(I’m showing a customer our selection of mp3 players. He is looking for two things: small and cheap. I show him an mp3 player that costs only $9.99 and is about two inches long.)

Customer: “I don’t know about this one; it might not be right for me.”

Me: “Is it because it’s only two gigabytes? I know that kind of capacity is a little on the smaller side, but it can still hold more than enough songs to get you through the day.”

Customer: “No, it’s not that. It’s just that there is no screen. I can’t see if a song that I don’t like is going to come up or not.”

Me: “Well, if this mp3 player is for your own personal use, then chances are you’re only going to put on songs that you like, right? So, I don’t think the lack of a screen will be a big deal.”

Customer: “Wow… that is very true, actually. You just totally blew my mind, dude. Whoa, I can’t believe I didn’t think of that!”

(I’m off the clock at the fast food restaurant I work at. I’m waiting for my manager to get off, because I’m his ride home. My manager is the cashier, and there’s only one other employee besides me there. A customer walks up to the counter.)

Manager: “Hi, what can I get you?”

Customer: “I’ll have a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea, please.”

Manager: “Okay, that’ll be [total].”

(The customer pays, and his receipt is printed off.)

Manager: “Your order number is 544, and it’ll be up shortly.”

Customer: “Can I have my drink?”

(My manager hands him a cup, since our drink station is self serve.)

Customer: “There’s no tea in this.”

Manager: “Yes, because our tea is self serve.”

Customer: “I don’t do self serve. I don’t work here.”

Manager: “So, let me get this straight, you want me to go out there and fill your cup up at our self-serve drink station?”

Customer: “Yes, like I said, I don’t work here. I shouldn’t have to get my own drink.”

(My manager turns to the other employee, who’s been listening to the entire conversation.)

Manager: “Would you fill up his drink for him?”

Employee: “No.”

Manager: “Good answer.”

(My manager turns back to the customer.)

Manager: “Sorry, sir, but I can not fill your drink for you.”

Customer: “Then give me my d*** money back.”

Manager: “Okay, here is your money, sir. Have a good night.”

Customer: “F*** you!” *walks away*

Me: “In nearly four years of being here, I’ve never seen a customer not want to fill up their own drink.”

Manager: “Same here.”

Me: “Makes me wonder though; how does he get gas? There aren’t any full service gas stations off the interstate.”

Manager: “Good point. Want a double cheese?”

Me: “Sure!”

Me: “Welcome to [name of ISP] support. This is [my name]; how can I help?”

Customer: “I have a new dangler!”

Me: *stifling a laugh* “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear you. Could you repeat that?”

Customer: “I. HAVE. A. DANGLER!”

Me: “I see, and what help might I offer you today?”

Customer: “My dangler isn’t working! Fix my dangler!”

(I realize she is talking about a mobile broadband ‘dongle’. I run through some basic troubleshooting, and fix the problem.)

Customer: “Thank you for your help! I do hate danglers, they never work the way you want them to!”

(I’m working as a cashier during the Black Friday sale. We’ve just had new registers installed a few months prior. It is extremely busy because of the sale. I’ve finished scanning everything for a customer.)

Me: “Okay, your total is $1458.97.”

Customer: “Okay, credit.”

(She scans her card, and my entire register crashes. My screen is totally black.)

Me: “Uh… I need to call a supervisor over. My register just crashed.”

(My supervisor comes over, and I explain the situation.)

Customer: “Oh, no! Did I break it?”

Supervisor: “No, it’s possible that all the transactions have just overloaded the system. I’ll take you to the service desk, and we’ll fix this.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

(She follows my supervisor. The other supervisors move the rest of my line to the service desk. I go outside to take my break, when another customer approaches me.)

Customer #2: “Were you the one whose register broke down?”

Me: “Yeah, that was me.”

Customer #2: “That must have been a bit nerve wracking.”

Me: “Yeah, but at least that lady was calm about it. It could have been a lot worse!”

Customer #2: “Are you guys allowed drinks while you’re working?”

Me: “Not normally, but they are allowing it tonight because of the sale. I should go back in and get back to work. Have a nice night.”

(I return, and my register is working properly. About an hour later, Customers #1 and #2 come back though my line. They set one of every drink we sell by the checkout lines on my counter.)

Customer #1: “Pick one.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer #1: *points to Customer #2* “My husband told me that he talked to you on your break. You were very calm, and didn’t have anything bad to say. So pick a drink; it’s on me!”

(One of my supervisors comes over and assures me it’s okay.)

Me: “Okay, thank you. I’ll take this one.”

(It turns out they were from the corporate office, and they gave my manager a great letter of commendation! I never volunteered for Black Friday after that though!)