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    No Pleasing Some Customers

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    Some Kids Are All Work And No Play

    | Huntsville, TX, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I work as a hostess. A family of four walk in, and I seat them. The nine-year-old son leaves the table and comes up to the host stand.)

    Nine-Year-Old Son: “Do you like your job?”

    Me: “Sometimes it gets a little crazy, but it’s all good! Do you need some extra crayons or something?”

    Nine-Year-Old Son: “No. Are you tired of your job yet?”

    Me: “No, I’m doing all right.”

    Nine-Year-Old Son: “Because if you’re tired, I’ll take over for you. Just come tell me at my table.”

    (I laugh.)

    Me: “Thank you very much, but I have to stay up here and work until the end of my shift!”

    (His older sister comes over.)

    Nine-Year-Old Son: “I’m serious! If you’re tired, I can take over!”

    Older Sister: “Come on, let’s go!”

    Disabling The Able Disabled

    | Wichita, KS, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

    (I have been in a wheelchair since age three. Despite this, I can push my own cart just fine while wheeling myself around. A customer in the store notices me.)

    Customer: “Ma’am, do you need help? One of my kids can help you push your cart.”

    Me: “No, thank you; I am doing just fine.”

    Customer: “But you’re disabled! You can’t do anything on your own!”

    (The customer tries to grab the cart. I hold onto it.)

    Me: “I can do it just fine on my own, thank you!”

    Customer: “See, that’s the problem these days! You people not accepting help!”

    Two Is The Moan-iest Number

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Bizarre, Movies & TV

    (I am a cashier working at a large department store. A customer comes up to my register holding a jersey with a large ‘2’ on it.)

    Customer: “Hey, I want one of these jerseys, but I want one with a ‘1’ on it.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, you got this out of clearance, right? We don’t carry back stock for anything in clearance. If you didn’t see a ‘1’ jersey while you were there, we probably don’t have one, sorry.”

    Customer: “Okay, but I want one with a ‘1’ on it.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, sir; we don’t have one right now.”

    Customer: “I want a ‘1’ jersey! It’s my birthday; I want to be number one, not two!”

    Me: “One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever know. Two, can be as bad as one. It’s the loneliest number since the number one.”

    Customer: “…okay.”

    (Surprisingly, after hearing this the customer buys the ‘2’ jersey.)

    Manager: “Did that just happen?”

    Emerging Non Emergencies Reaching Emergency Levels

    | AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I work at the check-in counter for the ER. A patient comes in, dragging her very embarrassed teenage daughter behind her.)

    Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

    Patient: “Yeah, I’m bringing in my daughter.”

    Me: “And what brings you to the emergency room today, ma’am?”

    Patient: “My daughter.”

    Me: “I see. What is wrong with your daughter that brings you in tonight?”

    Patient: “Her monthly is irregular.”

    Me: “So, you want to bring her to the emergency room for irregular periods?”

    Patient: “Duh!”

    Me: “Have you taken her to her family doctor?”

    Patient: “No!”

    (As we’re not legally allowed to turn away any patient, I begin the registration.)

    Patient: “And me, too.”

    Me: “You want to check yourself in, too, for irregular periods?”

    Patient: “No! God!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. What are we checking you in for?”

    Patient: “Can’t you see it?!”

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Patient: “My face!”

    (She shoves her face up close to mine.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but you’ll need to be a little more specific.”

    Patient: “I got ‘the zits’!”

    (Her face looks fine. I see one blemish that doesn’t even look like a zit.)

    Me: “So, you came to the… emergency room… for adult acne?”

    Patient: “YES! God, what are you, stupid?”

    Me: “And have you seen your doctor about this?”

    Patient: “No! This is my doctor!”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is the emergency room. We treat emergencies. We are not your regular doctor.”

    Patient: “Yes, you are. FIX IT!”

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