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    Rise Above It

    | OH, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I am a cashier at a buffet. I am very short and am standing next to another cashier over six feet. Our buffet guests have been standing in line for about two hours for a very popular weekend dinner. I invite the next two guests in line to come pay at my register.)

    Guest: “Well, aren’t you lucky! You get to sit down while we had to stand in that line for over two hours.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Guest: “I said, you’re very lucky to get to sit down while we had to stand in that line for a very long time.”

    (I glance at my co-worker, who is grinning widely at the comment.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sitting down. This is as tall as I get!”

    (The guest turns bright red and starts apologizing. I can’t resist taking off my shoes, which shorten me by another two inches.)

    Me: “Ma’am, without my shoes I’m only this tall.”

    Guest: “Please! You’d better keep your shoes on!”

    Terrified Of Baggage

    | Pueblo, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “I need help in choosing a vacuum cleaner.”

    Me: “Okay, sure! Let me start by getting an idea of what kind of area you want it for. Do you have hardwood floors, carpets, or both? And do you have pets?”

    Customer: “Well. I’ve already got one picked out, actually. I just have a question about it.”

    (The customer leads me over to one of the floor models, a bag-less cyclone vacuum.)

    Customer: “Does this vacuum need bags?”

    Me: “Nope. It’s a bag-less cyclonic, meaning it collects what the vacuum sucks up into a reusable plastic bin.”

    Customer: “Yes, but does it need bags?”

    Me: “No, it doesn’t.”

    Customer: “But can it take bags?”

    Me: “No. It’s a bag-less. But if you want one with bags, this one over here can—”

    Customer: “Look, all I want to know is if I need to buy bags for it or not! I don’t want to get this stupid thing home and realize it needs something else! Do I, or do I not, need to buy bags?”

    Me: “Ma’am, this vacuum is a bag-less vacuum. It does not take bags, and couldn’t even if you wanted it to.”

    Customer: “Well, can you show me where they are, at least?”

    Me: “Where what are?”

    (The customer points to the same bag-less cyclonic.)

    Customer: “The bags for this vacuum.”

    Me: *facepalm*

    A Mini Point Makes A Large Difference

    | Derby, England, UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (Two customers have entered. Customer #1 points at me, and starts talking to his friend.)

    Customer #1: “Jesus! Check out that Snooty-B**** on the till!”

    Customer #2: “Dude, chill out! Have some respect!”

    Customer #1: “She’s way too dumb for that! B**** needs to be put in her place!”

    (The customer proceeds to harass me about my education, my appearance, and anything he can get to, before he eventually decides to order. I’ve been totally silent.)

    Me: “Thank you for that. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer #1: “Ha! I’ll get one of those large, mini fillets burgers; think you can manage that?”

    Me: “A large mini fillet burger?”

    Customer #1: “Um, duh?! I told you that you were thick as s***!”

    Me: “A large mini fillet burger? So… a fillet burger, then?”

    (Customer #1is speechless.)

    Customer #2: “Yeah… you sure put her in her place.”

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