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    Doesn’t Recognize The Gravity Of Her Statement

    | Portland, OR, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Math & Science

    (I work in a rather well known nickel arcade in Portland. Most of our games give out tickets which guests can redeem for prizes. We count these tickets by weight using a scale. A customer approaches my co-worker at our counter with her family; three young children.)

    Coworker: “Hi there! All set to count your tickets?”

    (Her children nod; all are very polite and well behaved.)

    Customer: “You know, I don’t like that you count tickets by weight like that: I don’t trust that scale.”

    Me: “We get that a lot ma’am; the scale is very accurate, and we round up just in case.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but you always crumple the tickets up more when there’s more of them. That makes them weigh more.”

    Coworker: “I’m not sure I understand.”

    Customer: “The tickets weigh more when they’re all smooshed together than when they’re all loose!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, weight doesn’t work like that.”

    Customer: “Yes it does! It’s like when you take a cotton ball and dip it in water, and then it weighs more!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it weighs more because the cotton ball absorbs the water.”

    Coworker: “If you took a brick and weighed it, and then smashed it to pieces and weighed all the pieces, it would weigh the same.”

    Customer: “That doesn’t make— oh, whatever!” *to her children* “Just pick some d*** prizes!”

    No One Benefits From The Benefits Card

    | San Diego, California, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    (I’m ringing up a customer at the register. The customer hands me a credit card I don’t recognize.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; but I don’t think we accept this kind of card.”

    Customer: “Of course you do; I’ve used it here before!”

    (I try to run it through, and the register won’t accept the card.)

    Me: “Are you sure you’ve used this one here? The register isn’t taking it.”

    Customer: “Get me the manager!”

    (As I’m calling for a manager, something seems to dawn on the customer as she looks at the card.)

    Customer: “Oh, my God! This is my EBT card!”

    (The customer had tried to use her ‘electronic benefit transfer’ card, which is basically the equivalent of food stamps.)

    Customer: “And I can’t believe you actually tried to use it!”

    That Woman Has Some Balls

    | Dickson City, PA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (My friend and I are at a Chinese buffet.)

    Me: “Hey, do you want to get those fried dough ball things before we go back to the table?”

    My Friend: “Yes! Thank you for the reminder!”

    (We walk over to where they’re located, and see a rather large, middle-aged woman making her way down the line. She’s at the tray of food next to the dough balls, so we stand back and let her finish what she’s doing.)

    My Friend: “I love the dough balls here!”

    (The woman looks up from what she’s doing, and stares at us. She reaches over and takes EVERY DOUGH BALL from the tray and puts them on her plate. She then runs away from the line. There were at least 13 dough balls on the tray.)

    Me: “I… I don’t know what just happened.”

    (A few people around us start to laugh. Thankfully the dough balls were restocked by the time we were done with our first plate of food, and we never ran into that woman again!)

    Age Comes Before Rage

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Top

    (My girlfriend and I are waiting in line. Our baby is getting more and more agitated. It’s almost our turn when a middle-aged customer comes running up behind me, and starts glaring at me.)

    Middle-Aged Customer: “Move your stuff! I have less than you; I should go first!”

    Me: “Uh… no.”

    (The cashier reaches for the first of our items.)

    Middle-Aged Customer: “No! Don’t take his stuff! I should go first! I’m older than he is, and I have less stuff!”

    (The cashier is just as flabbergasted as we are. My son starts screaming bloody murder.)

    Middle-Aged Customer: “You should shut your son up! Let me go first!”

    (My girlfriend hands our son to me and steps up to the woman.)

    Girlfriend: “Shut the f*** up!”

    (She turns to the cashier.)

    Girlfriend: “Honey, can you please start ringing up our items?”

    (She turns back to the woman.)

    Girlfriend: “You need to grow up and learn some d*** manners. You’ve got a cart and a half full, and our stuff was already on the belt when you decided to charge up and demand that we move; that’s not how it works in the real f****** world! And how dare you tell me to shut my baby up! He’s teething, and tired, and we would have already been out of here if you hadn’t decided to hold us up. Now tell me what the f*** makes you so much more important than us?!”

    Middle-Aged Customer: “I… I… I’m older than you two brats.”

    Girlfriend: “So, you’ve had more time to learn manners.”

    Middle-Aged Customer: “I have less stuff.”

    (My girlfriend glances back and forth to our stuff, which is almost done being bagged, and only takes up about half our cart, and her two carts.)

    Girlfriend: “Yeah, to a blind man.”

    Middle-Aged Customer: “I’ve got food in the car.”

    Girlfriend: “Then I guess you should have eaten before deciding to come shopping.”

    (The middle-aged customer slinks off to another lane. My girlfriend pays for our groceries, and gives the cashier a huge smile.)

    Girlfriend: “I had to deal with that all the time when I worked cash; sorry you had to see that.”

    (She grabs our son, and walks towards the door. The cashier and I exchange looks.)

    Me: “You should see her when she’s angry.”

    The Bigger The Sign, The Harder They Fail

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid

    (I’m a customer looking at a fragile jewelry display. There is a huge sign in bright colours, bigger than the display itself, saying ‘Please do not touch! We’ll be happy to come and assist you!’. I call the sales assistant over. There is another customer right next to me, looking at the same display.)

    Me: “Hi, I’d like to have a look at that necklace please?”

    Sales Assistant: “Oh, my God! You read the sign; I think you’re actually the first person to read it all week!”

    Me: “Well, it is kind of obvious!”

    Sales Assistant: “You’d think so, right?”

    (We walk back to the counter. From behind us, we hear a crash. We both turn around to see the other customer with a necklace in her hand, and the entire display on the floor. She looks at us like a frightened animal, and turns bright red. She puts the necklace down, and sheepishly runs out the door. I look at the sales assistant; she looks at me, and face-palms.)

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