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    The Race(ist) For The Last Chicken

    | Preston, England, UK | Bigotry, Food & Drink

    (I work late shifts, and mark down items to their final reduction.)

    Customer: “Have you not got any more cheap chicken?”

    Me: “No, sir, the lady just over there took our last pack, unfortunately.”

    (I gesture towards a small, lovely, Indian lady, who had come by and picked up some chicken breasts I just marked down.)

    Customer: “I’m not racist, but f****** p**** are always turning up and taking all the good stuff early! You can never stay one step ahead of them d*** foreigners!”

    Me: “Well, we have a first come, first served policy. Regardless of who she is, she was here first.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but you know what I mean! They come over here, and take everything for granted. They do what they f****** like, and take our cheap food! You follow me, don’t ya’?”

    Me: “Well, no, I don’t. Like I said, we have a first come, first served policy. We also have a policy against incendiary language, and I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Here’s a little hint for you; when you say “I’m not racist, but—”, it usually means you’re about to be racist. The exit’s third on the left.”

    Couldn’t Care Less

    Customer-Service

    The Hitchhiker’s Guide To Diplomacy

    | Liverpool, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Language & Words, One-Liners, Top

    (A customer in his early 20′s is ranting at the front of the bookstore. He’s speaking as if he’s much older than he is. His rant is about kids nowadays not reading as much. There are no other customers, so it’s policy to let him vent. I smile politely to everything he’s saying, since he’s not being a bother.)

    Male Customer: “…they just don’t understand the beauty of holding a book in their hands, smelling the pages and reading tales of epic proportion! Kids these days just want to stand around listening to crap music. No wonder they’re getting dumber.”

    Me: “We get a few teenagers coming in the store, though.”

    Male Customer: “I bet they’re just picking up crap like Twilight. They’d never read proper books.”

    (A customer walks in as he’s saying this. I recognise her from a few days ago, when she ordered a book. She’s about 16, very blonde, and very clearly one of the popular girls.)

    Female Customer: “Hi, I ordered a book. I just want to check if it has come in? It’s under [name].”

    Male Customer: *mutters* “This is exactly what I was talking about.”

    Female Customer: “Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?”

    Male Customer: “I was just saying that kids like you have no interest in reading. If you do, it’s all crap.”

    Female Customer: “If I had no interest in reading, why would I be in a bookstore? And who cares what others think of a book, so long as you enjoy it? That’s all that matters, right?”

    Male Customer: “Whatever, go on, pick up your crappy little Twilight.”

    Female Customer: “For your information, I ordered John Green’s Looking for Alaska. I did not like Twilight at all.”

    Male Customer: “Yeah, as if.”

    Female Customer: “”War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength.” George Orwell, 1984. That last line is something you ought to think about before opening your rude mouth!”

    Me: “She certainly knows her stuff.”

    (I hand her the book she ordered, making sure the male customer sees the cover. She pays and walks away, but turns back around before she leaves.)

    Female Customer: “So long, and thanks for all the fish!”

    Needs To Learn Copy-Right And Wrong, Part 2

    | MN, USA | Criminal/Illegal, History, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (My photo lab has two self-serve machines for customers to order prints of their photos. They either put in electronic media, such as a CD, or camera memory card, or they can scan a print into the computer.)

    Customer: “What do I do first?”

    Me: “Well, we will scan your pictures, and then tell it what you want.”

    (The customer shows me an album of wedding photos that were taken approximately in the 1950s-60s.)

    Me: “Unfortunately, these are still protected by [United States] federal copyright law. For anything less than 75 years old, we need permission from the person hired to take the pictures.”

    Customer: “But how does the machine know they’re copyrighted?”

    Me: “Uh… it doesn’t. That’s my job. We look at each order before printing, to make sure we have proper documentation so we don’t break the law.”

    Customer: “Then how do you know they’re less than 75 years old?!”

    Me: “They didn’t have cars like that in the 1930s!”

    Related:
    Needs To Learn Copy-Right And Wrong

    Prescribing Perspective

    | AL, USA | Awesome Customers, Health & Body, Top

    Me: “How may I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer #1: “I’m picking up a script for [name].”

    (I proceed to look it up. However, the system alerts me that we do not have anything ready.)

    Me: “I don’t see that we have anything ready for you, ma’am.”

    Customer #1: “What do you mean, you don’t have anything! They called two days ago!”

    Me: “I apologize, ma’am. If a prescription sits on our shelf for too long, we have to put it back on our stock shelf.”

    Customer #1: “It’s only been a week! That’s just stupid! Give me back my script! I’ll go to [rival store]! Only one week! Absurd!”

    (I escort her to my co-worker, so that I may help the other customers in line.)

    Customer #2: “Oh, honey, I think I may have done the same thing and waited too long; can you check?”

    Me: “Certainly, sir.”

    (I check, and indeed his was placed back to stock as well.)

    Me: “Yes, sir, I’m afraid so.”

    (Customer #2 speaks loud enough for everyone to hear.)

    Customer #2: “Oh, shoot. IT’S PURELY MY FAULT FOR FORGETTING, EVEN AFTER Y’ALL WERE SO NICE TO CALL ME TWICE. Thank you, sugar; I’ll go talk to [co-worker].”

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