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    Archive for 2013

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    His Definition Of Solid Is Not So Solid

    | PA, USA | Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m on the phone with a customer who is having an Internet connection problem.)

    Me: “Is the light on your modem blinking?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “So, it is solid then?”

    Customer: “Yes. It’s solid, then it’s off, then it’s solid again, then it’s off again…”

    Cause For Pregnant Pause

    | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Money

    (A customer calls in, noticing that she hasn’t had any money taken from her account for her water heater rental for the last couple months.)

    Me: “Okay, so let me look into your file. Hmm, seems you’ve not been set up on our new billing system. That’s probably the problem. Let me just grab your info from the old system to fix it. Wait, you’re not in there either.”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “I don’t think you’ve been billed for this in a while. Yeah, here’s a note from 2007 saying you hadn’t been billed since September ’06. It seems as though they just closed it without actually fixing it. You haven’t been charged for seven years.”

    Customer: “Wow.”

    Me: “Now, unfortunately, we’re going to have to back-bill you for this—”

    Customer: “Oh, God!”

    Me: “…but luckily for you, we cap back-bills at one year. So, it won’t be a couple grand: it’ll just be about $300.”

    Customer: “Oh, wow, that’s so much better. Thank you!”

    Me: “Wait, did you just thank me for billing you $300?”

    Customer: “Yeah. It’s like one time when I was 14, and I’d just gotten my first piercing. I told my parents that I was pregnant, and by the time they figured out that I wasn’t, they were okay with any other news I could possibly have given them.”

    Weekly Roundup: Health & Body

    | Not Always Right | Health & Body, Roundups

    Weekly Roundup: Health & Body. This week, we share five stories about customers dealing with (and sometimes creating) health and body issues!

    1. Selfish Smokers (8,128 thumbs up)
    2. If The Zits Don’t Kill You, The Angst Will (4,553 thumbs up)
    3. It’s A Perm, Not A Sperm (2,716 thumbs up)
    4. Miss Diagnosis (2,961 thumbs up)
    5. Hollywood, M.D. (2,202 thumbs up)

    PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Daylight Save Me From This Stupidity

    | NC, USA | Crazy Requests

    (We have a certain time by which all paper carriers should be finished. On weekdays, it’s 6:30 am.)

    Customer: “I need to make a complaint about my carrier! She’s late every morning now!”

    Me: “I do apologize. Is she delivering after 6:30 in the morning?”

    Customer: “Well, no. But ever since daylight savings, it’s light outside when I get may paper!”

    Me: “But she isn’t delivering after 6:30?”

    Customer: “No, but it’s light outside!”

    Me: “But the paper isn’t being delivered later in the morning?”

    Customer: “It’s at the same time it always is; it’s just too d*** bright!”

    Me: “…well, I’m very sorry to hear that, sir.”

    Cotton-Pickers

    | CT, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work at a stand in the food court of a mall. We make cotton candy, and I usually have one out for display with a sign that says, “Please do not touch”. Children are usually pretty good about it, but adults are a different story. A customer reaches out and grabs the cotton candy.)

    Female Customer: “Ooh, is this real cotton candy?”

    Me: “Yes, it is. And now that you’ve touched it, you have to take it.”

    Female Customer: “I don’t want that one; I put my hands all over it!”

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