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    Customers Are Like Popcorn, Sweet Or Salty

    | Chesapeake, VA, USA | Awesome Customers, Movies & TV

    (It is a busy weekend. I have been left alone at the register during a rush. I have had several drinks spilled on myself and my register terminal, and have had countless angry customers berate me. By the time the rush dies down, I am on edge. A couple approaches my till.)

    Me: “Welcome to [theater]; can I help you with anything today?”

    Wife: “Our movie doesn’t start for a half hour.”

    Me: “I… um… to be honest, ma’am, I don’t know what to do about that.”

    (I wait for her to start swearing at me, but instead, she and her husband laugh.)

    Wife: “Oh, no! We were just letting you know that we’re in no rush, and not buying anything right now. We’re not complaining!”

    Husband: “We’re definitely not complainers. We’ve been behind the counter, and we understand.”

    Me: “Oh, okay!”

    Wife: “That’s a stupid thing to complain about, anyway! Do people actually complain about things like that?”

    Me: “I’ve had stranger. A woman reported me for being too nice.”

    Husband: “Well, she was just plain salty, wasn’t she?”

    (They strike up a conversation with me for fifteen minutes about candy and customers, and the military pins on my lanyard. When their movie ends, they smile and wave goodbye. They completely turn around my evening, and I complete the shift in a brighter mood. A little kindness goes a long way!)

    Served With Just Desserts

    | Scotland, UK | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work at a restaurant which is very gay-friendly. It’s not actually a gay restaurant, but half the waiting staff, two of the chefs, and the owner are all gay or bi. Many of the customers are gay couples. A tourist couple, a man and woman, comes in, and sits at a table.)

    Me: *flamboyantly* “Hi, welcome! Here are your menus—”

    Customer #1: “We want another server!”

    Me: “Sorry, but I’m the only one that’s free at the moment, and you’re sitting in my area, but I can help you all the same.”

    (The couple stands up and walk to another table on the other side of the restaurant. Their server comes up to the table; she’s a young woman who dresses very alternatively.)

    Server: “Hi, there! Would you like to look at—”

    (The couple stands up again, this time moving to a table being served by the only straight server in the restaurant today. They order happily, and the server leaves. The table is right next to the large opening where you can see the chefs cooking your food. The customers can be heard by one of the chefs,—who happens to be my boyfriend.)

    Customer #1: “I can’t believe they let those people work with food. They’ll contaminate it.”

    Customer #2: “I know! But don’t let it get to you; we have a good server now.”

    Customer #1: “Yeah, but just look at them. That first man probably has AIDS, and they let him work in a restaurant! It’s disgusting!”

    Chef: “Excuse me; please don’t talk about him that way. He doesn’t have AIDS. Even if he did, you wouldn’t catch it just because he served you food. He’s also my boyfriend, so stop it, or you’ll upset me and him.”

    (The couple remains quiet until their server bring their drinks.)

    Customer #1: “Make sure that thing doesn’t cook or touch any of my food.”

    Server: “Sorry, I can’t do that. He is one of our best chefs, and he deals with items that you have ordered.”

    Customer #2: “Well, have someone else make our food, someone clean!”

    Server: “I assure you that our chefs take hygiene very seriously. We are very highly rated from health and safety—”

    Customer #1: “MANAGER! NOW!”

    (Their server gets the manager, a very well-dressed and flamboyant man.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer #1: “You’re one too?! A dirty gay! I can’t believe it! F*** you! F*** you all! Don’t any of you touch my food, my wife, or me! I don’t want your any of your dirty gay diseases!”

    (The customers start referring to their server.)

    Customer #2: “And to think you surround this poor boy with your heathen ways!” *to the server* “Come now, son, leave with us and we can save you from this evil lot!”

    (All of the servers have gathered around the area. Many of the regular customers and their partners join too.)

    Server: “You know what, you’re right! Why should I have to work in a place with such nasty people?”

    (The couple smiles and move towards him, as if to take him away.)

    Server: “You two, get the f*** out of here and leave me alone! We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, and you most certainly are not welcome here!”

    (The couple runs out, flustered and embarrassed.)

    Manager: “I couldn’t have said it any better myself!”

    Server: “Thanks, Dad!”

    Hurricane Tommy

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    He Who Melt It, Dealt It

    | NM, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (It is over 90 degrees outside. A customer comes in to buy an ice cream. He then goes into the bar across the road, and returns over an hour later.)

    Customer: “I need to exchange this ice cream.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Customer: “I just bought it a minute ago, and it’s melted!”

    Me: “You were here over an hour ago. I can’t exchange it for you.”

    Customer: “You d*** well better exchange it! It wasn’t melted when I bought it! It’s not my fault I left it in my car when I went to the bar!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t exchange it for you; it’s not our fault.”

    Customer: “I just bought it! Give me my d*** money! You know what? I have an even better idea!”

    (The customer slams the melted ice cream on the counter, and grabs a new one from the cooler.)

    Customer: “Give me a f****** bag that will prevent this from melting!”

    Me: “It’ll be [price] for the ice cream, and I don’t think those exist.”

    Customer: “I’m not paying for this! You are f****** giving it to me for free, b****!”

    Me: “Not happening. I’ll be more then happy to call the owner for you.”

    Customer: “Get his fat ugly a** down here! I’ll have you fired for this!”

    (I step back to call for the owner.)

    Me: “DAD!”

    (My 6’3″, 300-pound dad walks out from the back room.)

    Dad: “What’s the problem?”

    Customer: * grabs the melted ice cream and runs out of the door*

    Stink-Eye For The Stinky Guy

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior

    (I’m standing in line at a large retail store. There are about three people in front of me. There are the only two registers open in the entire store, but because of the amount of people, it’s all converged into one long line. A customer walks forward, and lets out a large ‘HUMPH’ when she sees the length of the line. She then starts to walk in front of everyone in line to the front-most register. She’s blocked at the point of entry into the checkout line by a teenage boy reading a magazine off the display rack.)

    Customer: “Are you standing in both lines?”

    (The question startles the boy. It looks as though he is about to move forward to get out of her way, until he sees at the disgusted look on her face. He changes his mind and smirks.)

    Teenager: “Yup!”

    Customer: “Humph! You’re standing in both lines?”

    (The teenage boy then gets a rather painful look on his face, and rips out a loud fart. He just smiles at the customer. Everyone in line starts to laugh. Both cashiers have actually stopped scanning items in amazement.)

    Customer: “Humph!”

    (The woman leaves her entire cart—which must have taken over an hour to fill—at the checkout and walks out. She gives the stink-eye to the boy, who is still smiling.)

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