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Worshiping A Vengeful God

, , , , | Right | September 30, 2013

(At our theater, matinee ends at 6:00 pm, and 3D movies cost $2.50 more than regular ones. It’s about 5:50 pm and I’m selling tickets for a 6:00 pm showing.)

Customer: “Well, I’d like two for The Avengers.”

Me: “All right, the 6:00 pm is in 3D; is that okay?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s why we’re watching the 6:00 pm one!”

Me: “Fantastic. Any student or military IDs for a discount today?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Well, for two tickets that’s $19.”

Customer: “FOR TWO TICKETS? That’s ridiculous! I thought this place was supposed to be cheap; what am I even paying for?”

(I’ve zoned out, and I’ve just started to grab his glasses when his wife cuts in.)

Customer’s Wife: *over her still-ranting husband* “Ignore him. He’s had a bad day. Here’s a twenty.”

(I finish their transaction and someone walks up to them and greets the man.)

Other Customer: “Oh, hey, Pastor!”


This story is part of our 3D Movies roundup!

Read the next 3D Movies roundup story!

Read the 3D Movies roundup!

Learning The Hard Way

| Right | September 30, 2013

(I am a parking garage attendant. We have a separate entrance for our parking permit holders. There is a large sign which says ‘Permit Entrance’ above it. I check people’s permits as they go in. A driver speeds into the permit entrance, screeching tires and all.)

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t let you in here.”

Driver: “Why not?”

Me: “In order to come in this entrance, you need to have your permit displayed on your rear view.”

Driver: “Are you stupid? There’s no hole in my permit! How could I put it on the rear view?”

Me: “That’s odd. All the permits we hand out have a hole in them so they can be hung from the rearview. May I see your permit please?”

(She pulls out a learner’s permit from the DMV and hands it to me.)

Driver: “See? That’s my permit. No hole, idiot.”

Me: “…that’s a learner’s permit. I need to see a parking permit.”

Driver: “Parking permit?! I don’t have one of those! Just let me in already! Don’t you know who I am?”

Me: “I have no idea who you are. What I do know is that first of all, you’re trying to get in here without a parking permit, which I can’t let you do. Second of all, you’re driving alone on a learner’s permit, which is against the law. So you have, oh, five seconds to scram before I call the cops.”

(She speeds off as I write down her plate number. I call the police. Later, I hear that she was cited for multiple violations, one of which was, naturally, driving alone with a learner’s permit.)

Top 5 Not Always Right Stories of September

| Right | September 30, 2013

September 2013 Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Right’s top-rated stories for the month of September!

  1. The First And True Language Of America (4,997 thumbs up)
  2. You Can’t Stop The Music (3,242 thumbs up)
  3. CPR = Criminally Poor Reaction (3,153 thumbs up)
  4. Sold A Game, Bought A Life-Lesson (3,137 thumbs up)
  5. Piercing Judgments, Part 2 (2,823 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Top 5 Not Always Right Stories of September

Right | September 30, 2013

September 2013 Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Right’s top-rated stories for the month of September!

  1. The First And True Language Of America (4,997 thumbs up)
  2. You Can’t Stop The Music (3,242 thumbs up)
  3. CPR = Criminally Poor Reaction (3,153 thumbs up)
  4. Sold A Game, Bought A Life-Lesson (3,137 thumbs up)
  5. Piercing Judgments, Part 2 (2,823 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Convicted By His Convictions

| Right | September 30, 2013

(I work in a five-star hotel in Amsterdam. It is standard policy that guests give their credit card number upon check-in, or a cash deposit if they do not have a credit card. If they use up a lot of their credit, sometimes reception has to contact the guest for an extra cash deposit. We notice on a Saturday that a guest has completely spent his deposit on watching pay TV of a certain explicit nature. My coworker rings the guest in his room with the request that he should come down to reception to give us more cash.)

Coworker: *to me* “Well, that did not go down very well. He says he did not spend any of his deposit, and he is coming down to reception to see the bill after he is finished praying.”

(At that moment, the elevator door opens and man in full Jewish prayer garb steps out.)

Guest: “I have just been called about my bill, and I would like to see it.”

Coworker: “Sure, I have already printed it out. As you can see, you have watched TV here, here and here, and that is why your balance is so low.”

Guest: “There is no way I watched that filth! Look at me! Do I look like a man who would watch that sort of shocking thing? I don’t understand that a hotel would subject its guests to that kind of immoral muck in the first place. I don’t want anything to do with that! God-fearing people like I should be protected from accidentally zapping to those kinds of channels.”

Coworker: “Well, sir, you did not accidentally zap to that channel. You have to type your room number to activate this program. After five minutes, you get a message on screen that you have to start paying now, and type in the room number again. Then the system asks you to press the confirm button. You cannot do all that by accident. Furthermore, I can see in the records that you watched this channel on three different days for more than two hours at a time. This indicates to me that you have watched a full movie on all these occasions, so I am not satisfied that you accidentally landed on this channel for a few seconds.”

(The guest throws a few banknotes in my coworker’s face and marches off.)

Me: *to coworker* “I have a feeling this is not the end of it”.

(At that moment, the phone rings, and I can see the guest’s room number in the display.)

Me: *to coworker* “It’s your friend from the pay TV room; you’d better take this call.”

Coworker: *on the phone to the guest* “Yes, sir, you told me that you could not understand that a hotel would subject its guests to that kind of immoral muck in the first place, that you did not want anything to do with that, and that God-fearing people like you should be protected from accidentally zapping to that kind of channels. So I put the child lock on so that you did not have to be subjected to the filth anymore. Have a nice day…”