November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

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Always Right?



Reach Out And Touch Someone

| Canada | Technology, Theme Of The Month

Customer: “Hi, I want to get business cards, and I heard you had a sale.”

Me: “Yes, the color business cards are on sale, and they start at 250 for only $10!”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t need color cards.”

Me: “Um, well it’s only the color ones that are on sale.”

Customer: “I just want black and white cards.”

Me: “Well, you can get black and white cards if you want, but they’re not on sale, and are more expensive than the color ones right now. It would make more sense to get color ones.”

Customer: “I don’t want color!”

Me: “Well, that’s okay; you can get black and white cards. They are just more expensive.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Okay, so do you have them designed already then?”

Customer: “No, I want you to do that for me.”

Me: “Great, we actually have a live video agent over here. It’s a computer with a webcam, and you talk to the designer through the webcam and they can set up a card for you.”

Customer: “How am I supposed to show a computer what I want my cards to look like?”

Me: “Well, it’s a person. And you can explain it to them, show them a picture on the camera, or you can scan images.”

Customer: “I don’t like this. I don’t know how to scan things.”

Me: “Oh, that’s okay. I’ll come show you before you get started. And then I’ll introduce you to the video agent, okay?”

Customer: “Okay, I guess.”

(I show her how to scan.)

Customer: “But I have more than one page!”

Me: “That’s okay; you just do the same thing with the next page. Okay, so let’s get a video agent on the webcam, shall we?”

Customer: “No! I don’t want to talk to a computer!”

Me: “Oh, it’s not a computer; it’s a real person. They’re just on a webcam.”

Customer: “No, I think I’ll go to a different copy shop.”

Me: “Oh, how come?”

Customer: “Because I don’t like talking to computers!”

Me: “It isn’t a computer; it’s a person.”

Customer: “But. I. Want. To. Touch. Them.”

Me: “Excuse me? It’s like Skype.”

Customer: “I don’t like Skype! I’m going somewhere else!”

If Cars Could Run On Stupidity

| ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Transportation

Me: “Thank you for calling roadside assistance; how may I help you?”

Elderly Lady: “Yes, I need you to get my car started; it won’t start.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, can you try to describe the problem to me?”

Elderly Lady: “Well my husband used to drive, but now he’s passed, so I have to drive again, and this stupid car won’t start.”

Me: “Alright, can you take the phone and go to the car. Try to start it, so I can listen?”

(The elderly lady starts grumbling as she goes to the garage.)

Elderly Lady: “So, I put the key in, and this happens.”

(The car tries to turn over, but nothing happens. I’m trying to figure out what it could be, and am about to dispatch a tow truck.)

Me: “Ma’am, I need to you turn the key just a little bit, and tell me if any lights come on.”

Elderly Lady: “One with a box and a squiggly line.”

Me: “Okay, I need to you look on the dashboard and find the letters E and F.”

(The elderly lady is very angry now, as we’ve been on the phone a while and she’s running late.)

Elderly Lady: “They are right beside the box with the squiggly part.”

Me: “Perfect, now where is the line pointing to?”

Elderly Lady: “The E. Why, what the h*** does that mean?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry to tell you this, and I can send help, but your car is out of gas. You need to put gas in the car.”

Elderly Lady: “You mean to tell me that I spent $50,000 on this car, and I still have to put gas in it?!”

Magic Eye Camera

| Boston, MA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I speak with a woman about her lost cell-phone, which she left in the store. She is very worried that her identity will be stolen. I take her information in case the phone shows up. She has come back two nights in a row, looking for her phone.)

Me: “Hi, the phone still hasn’t turned up?”

Customer: “No, I called loss prevention, and he told me he saw some…” *she does air quotes* “‘activity’ on the security video, but no phone being left or picked up. That is just not good enough for me; I need to know what kind of activity he saw.”

Me: “Well, sometimes it is hard to focus on exactly what you want because we are only looking at a recording.”

Customer: “Well, can’t he just move the cameras around and see where I left my phone?”

Me: “Well, as I said, it is only a recording. We can only see footage of where the camera was focused at the time.”

Customer: “I know, but why didn’t he just move the camera and tell me where I left my phone?”

Me: “It occurred in the past; he can’t go back in time and move what the cameras were looking at.”

Customer: “I don’t think you understand what I am saying.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “Well I am going to be filing a police report; maybe they can see more than your loss prevention person!”

A Child Who Knows How To Conduct Himself

| Norway | Family & Kids, Money, Tourists/Travel

(I am 12 years old. I am taking the train with my eight-year-old brother. After waiting for the conductor for about an hour without having paid, I get up and look for him. I find him somewhere down the train.)

Me: “My little brother and I have been riding this train for one hour without paying, and will soon arrive our destination.”

Conductor: “Okay, just find your seat again. I’ll be right there with you.”

(After about 10 minutes, he’s back with us. He takes a seat beside us, leans in, and starts talking.)

Conductor: “I’ve worked this train every day for 20 years. Every day I see kids your age trying to find ways to ride for free. So when you approached me, honest about wanting to pay for yourselves when I had forgotten, you made my day! I have decided to let you ride for free. You should keep the money. Tell your parents that it is yours now, because they raised you to be such honest and good kids, and buy yourselves something nice.”