(My mom is in labor with my twin sisters. She’s been left in her hospital room, as she isn’t in active labor yet.)

Mom: *curls over with pain* “Something’s wrong. Really wrong!”

(Mom starts to repeatedly press buzzer. Five to ten minutes go by with no response. My dad goes to the nurses’ station to see them all chatting, with the buzzer appearing to be disconnected.)

Dad: “My wife needs some help! She’s been buzzing for the last ten minutes!”

Nurse: “Oh, it’s her first kid, she’s just nervous. She’s fine.”

Dad: “No, she’s not! Come check on her!”

Other Nurse: “She’s fine!”

(They continue to ignore my dad, until the commotion brings a doctor out to investigate.)

Doctor: “What’s going on?”

Dad: “My wife needs help! There’s something wrong!”

Nurse: “She’s fine.”

Dad: “They haven’t even looked at her!”

Doctor: “Then how do you know she’s fine? I’ll take a look.”

(The doctor, my dad, and the nurse all go to my mom’s room. The doctor checks my mom and my sisters.)

Doctor: “Get this woman into an emergency C-section. She’s in fetal distress!”

Nurse: “But we need time to do that!”

Doctor: “And you would’ve had it if you’d listened; now go!”

(The nurses later try to blame my dad, but the doctor reams them out instead. Fortunately, both my sisters are born healthy!)

(I notice I have an almost-flat tire, and I stop at a gas station to pump the tire back up. I realize I’m out of change, so I go inside to get some quarters for the pump.)

Me: “Can I get change for a dollar? The tire pump only takes quarters.”

Clerk: “Sorry, you have buy something to get change from the register, no exceptions!”

Me: “Okay fine. I’ll take a $1 lottery scratch-off ticket, and I’ll give you a dollar extra for change.”

(He takes the two dollar bills, and rings me up for the ticket. Rather than giving me change, he hands me the ticket and the extra dollar bill back, and closes the register.)

Me: “What the heck, man; I need four quarters back for that dollar. That’s why I bought the ticket!”

Clerk: “I don’t know what to tell you; I can’t open the register unless you buy something else.”

(I’m pretty mad. I take my ticket and my dollar and walk out to my car. Before I go to a different station, I take a second and scratch off my lottery ticket. Suddenly, I’m compelled to walk back inside.)

Me: “I’d like to cash in my winning lottery ticket, please.”

Clerk: *scans the ticket, which opens the register* “Hmm, looks like you won a dollar.”

Me: “And I’ll take it in quarters, please.”

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(During my first year of college, I am pretty much broke, and wear whatever I can get for cheap. I’m wearing a t-shirt advertising a brand of Kosher franks. I walk up to the register to check out.)

Clerk: *eying me suspiciously* “Are you… from around here?”

Me: “I just moved here for college, but I’ve lived in—”

Clerk: “Your shirt says you’re a Hebrew national.”

Me: “Only if I’m a hot dog…”

Clerk: *blank look*

(My husband, brother, sister-in-law, and myself all go to a new water park one day. Right off the bat my brother bumps his head on the inside of a slide and falls off his tube so we have to get him checked at the medical tent. About two hours later my sister-in-law flips off her tube and gets a bloody lip. The on-site nurse approves her to continue playing in the park. Thirty minutes after that, we are back in the medical office again.)

Nurse: “Hello again, who is it this time?”

Me: “Me, sorry. I just tripped and wanted to make sure I didn’t hurt my ankle really bad.”

Nurse: “It looks bruised and you may have pulled this muscle, but it’s not sprained. You should be fine to walk on it as long as it doesn’t swell up. Are you guys planning on leaving soon?”

Husband: “Actually we were on our way out when she fell. Why do you ask?”

Nurse: “Today is a pretty busy day, but you are the only group who has been in here all day! I’m starting to get worried about you guys.”

Sister-in-law: “Oh, don’t worry. We’re all just ridiculously clumsy. This is normal everyday for us.”

Nurse: “Oh okay…”

(On our way out, we go through the gift shop. We are stopped by an employee and handed an envelope.)

Employee: “I heard you guys had a rough day. I hope that doesn’t stop you from coming back sometime. For your troubles, here are some free tickets. They don’t expire so come back whenever you want.”

Sister-In-Law: “Thank you so much! You really didn’t have to.”

Me: “We’ll be back as soon as we heal up first.”

(On the way out, my husband slams his hand in the door.)

Husband: “OUCH!”

Employee: “Please don’t sue!”

(I overhear an exchange while doing prep work.)

Customer: “Can I get everything on it?”

Coworker: “Sure thing.”

Customer: “Oh, wait, I don’t want mustard.”

Coworker: “Oh, I’m sorry, I already put it on there.”

Customer: “Oh… it’s okay.”

Coworker: “Are you sure? We can absolutely make you another sandwich.”

Customer: “No, no, I’m the one who said I wanted it on there!”

Coworker: “I promise, sir; I’ll make you a mustard-free sandwich.”

Coworker: “No, don’t even worry about it, please. I’ll take it as-is. It’s entirely my fault.”

Coworker: “Okay, sir, if you promise it’s okay! I’m sorry there’s mustard on it!”

Customer: “Oh don’t be silly; I’m the one who should be sorry.”

(I turn and look at another worker who looks straight at me.)

Me: “That guy is the best guy in the entire world.”

Second Coworker: “Yes. Yes he is. I think he deserves a medal.”