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    Parental Guidance

    | Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Top

    (I am a cashier at an office supply chain. A man and his teenage son come up to my register. Our PIN pads are very clearly labelled with instructions.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, did you find everything all right?”

    Customer: “Yes, everything was fine.”

    (He runs his card through.)

    Me: “Oh, sorry, the machine makes you wait until the end to slide your card. It’ll be just a second.”

    Customer: “Ah, okay.”

    (The son points to the label on the pad that says ‘PLEASE WAIT FOR GREEN LIGHTS TO SLIDE CARD’.)

    Customer: “…ah.”

    Me: “All right, your total is [price]; you can go ahead and slide now.”

    (He slides his card and puts it back in his wallet.)

    Me: “Oh, I just need to see your card numbers for a second if it’s credit.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    (He hands over his card. His son points out the label that says ‘FOR CREDIT, PLEASE HAND CARD TO CASHIER’. The customer turns to his son.)

    Customer: “You’re making fun of me for not reading directions, aren’t you?”

    Son: “Kind of.”

    Bus(ted), Part 2

    | UK | Transportation

    (I’m sitting near the back of an almost empty bus. The only other passengers are a teenage couple sitting near the middle of the bus. An elderly passenger approaches.)

    Elderly Passenger: “I’d like to sit here.”

    Teen #1: “Pardon?”

    Elderly Passenger: “I would like to sit here. I’m old, so you have to move.”

    Teen #1: “I don’t think that’s how it works.”

    (The elderly passenger starts shouting.)

    Elderly Passenger: “How dare you? You young yobs shouldn’t even be on the bus; you’ve got healthy legs! And now you won’t give up your seat for someone who needs it more!”

    Teen #2: “Sorry, are you blind as well as rude? The bus is empty. There are plenty of seats much closer to the front than this one, and you have no right to ask us to move. And secondly, we paid just the same as you did. We have just as much right to be on here as you do.”

    (The elderly man goes to say something, but seems to reconsider and takes a seat closer to the back of the bus.)

    Related:
    Bus(ted)

    Snobby Customers

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    No Upside-Down But My Head Is Still Spinning

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Tourists/Travel

    (I work at a special effects show, which is experienced in the form of a walking tour. Our park maps don’t even begin to explain this, and our attraction isn’t a staple of the park, so most people have no idea what we are.)

    Guest #1: “What is this?”

    Me: “We’re a special effects show, experienced in the form of a walking, guided tour.”

    Guest #1: “But what is it?”

    Me: “It’s a show, like a stage show, only you’re walking through different rooms and it’s happening around you.”

    Guest #1: “So, what is it?”

    Me: “It’s… it’s a show. You’re walking through the building here, and each room is a different scene you experience. Your tour guide is performing around you.”

    Guest #1’s Husband: *approaching* “What’s this?”

    Guest #1: “I don’t know!”

    (Another guest approaches.)

    Guest #2: “Is this a roller coaster?”

    Me: “I’m afraid not. We’re a special effects show, only you walk through in the form of a tour.”

    Guest #2: “Oh, walking? So does it go upside-down?”

    Me: “…no. It’s all walking.”

    Guest #2: “So what’s that?”

    (The guest points to a nearby themed restaurant, which looks like a mountain on the outside.)

    Me: “That’s a restaurant.”

    Guest #2: “Does it go upside-down?”

    Me: “…No.”

    Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills, Part 2

    | Rosemont, IL, USA | Geography, History, Politics

    (I am Swedish, and visiting friends in the US. I see a bag with some peanut butter and chocolate dipped pretzels.)

    Me: “Really?”

    (I show the bag to my friends.)

    Friend #1: “You don’t have that in Europe?”

    Me: “Nope, and I’m glad we don’t. You Americans are silly.”

    (We laugh a bit together, when suddenly an older man comes up.)

    Old Man: “You f****** communist! You think you can come here and demean us!?”

    Me: “Excuse me? I was ju—”

    Old Man: “Shut up, d*** Russian! Go back to Siberia, and pray to Stalin!”

    Friend #1: “Umm… he’s actually Swedish.”

    Old Man: “Are you a f****** commie too?”

    Friend #2: “None of us are! And frankly, we’ve had quite enough of your bull-s***, so p*** off.”

    Old Man: “Whatever, we still won the cold war!”

    (We just leave. Later on by the cash register, we see the same old man about to pay for his things. When he spots us, he points his finger towards us and shouts.)

    Old Man: “Watch out for the commie b*******!”

    Related:
    Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills

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