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Underwear For The Over-Aged

| Houston, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

(A very old man is wandering around the section of the store where we display the ‘sexy’ lingerie pieces.)

Me: “Hello, sir. Can I help you find something?”

Old Man: “Yes. I’m looking for something that will lift her up and push her together up there. And I don’t want her to be covered up either. I want to be able to see everything. Do you have anything like that?”

(I try to block out the image he’s creating for me.)

Me: “Sure… let’s see what we can find.”

(I show him a few different bras, and we finally find one that he seems satisfied with, and a matching panty. His lady-friend—who is nearly as old as he is—joins us. The old man hands her the bra he picked out.)

Old Man: “Here, go try this on. I want to see if I like it or not.”

(I walk them back to the fitting room, and go to help a few other customers. The man comes back toward me.)

Me: “So, how did you like it?”

Customer: “It was great. You did a lovely job, you sweet little thing. Now I need to find her a shirt that’s nice and open so you can see everything. I’m old, you know. I just want to have fun.”

Me: “That’s… excellent, sir. Let me show you what we have.”

(After I show him a few shirts, his lady-friend emerges from the fitting room.)

Lady Friend: “Are we ready to go?”

Customer: “I think this is good. You don’t have anything like this at home.”

Lady Friend: “But all my bras are from this store! See?”

(She lifts up her shirt to show everyone in the store the bra she is wearing. I am smiling to hold back the tears.)

Me: “Ah yes, that is one of our bras. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Do you give a discount for perverts?”

Me: “No, sir, sorry about that. Have a great day though!”

Someone Needs To Treat Warhorse

| St. Cloud, MN, USA | Language & Words, Pets & Animals

(I work at a call center that does outbound fundraising. One of our clients is the Veterans of Foreign Wars, Department of Minnesota.)

Me: “Hello, this is [my name], calling for the ‘Veterans of Foreign Wars, Department of Minnesota’. Thanks for taking my call!”

Woman: “Wait, wait, did you say veterans?”

Me: “Yes, I was calling because—”

Woman: “I don’t need a veteran. I don’t even have any animals!”

(I can give her the benefit of the doubt for simply mixing up the words ‘veterans’ and ‘veterinarians’. But I have to wonder what she would have thought a veterinarian of foreign wars would be!)

To Speak To An Agent, Please Press Fo’

USA | Language & Words

Customer: “I couldn’ get through y’awls phone thingy, cawz it din’n understand me. Why don’ it never understaaaaaaaaan me?”

Me: “I’m sorry. Sometimes it has a hard time with accents and voices.”

Customer: “Bu I ain’ got no accen!”

Me: “Ma’am, we all have accents. Mine is Bostonian. Yours is Southern. We’re both likely to confuse computers.”

Customer: “Fayer nuff.”

More Beer, Less Fear

| AZ, USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal

(I walk over to the convenience store to get a drink. As I’m going inside, I see two police officers with a man in handcuffs in front of the building. I start a conversation with the employees.)

Me: “Looks like you guys had an interesting morning.”

Employee #1: “I can’t believe it; he just sat out there waiting for the cops after he stole the beer.”

Me: “Huh?”

(One of the officers comes in.)

Officer: “So, what happened here?”

Employee #2: “He got the 12-pack from the cooler and stood in line, but then he just walked out without paying. I called for him to stop, but he just said ‘I’ll wait out here for the cops’.”

Officer: “He didn’t try to run?”

Employee #2: “No, he just opened the case and started drinking a can of beer right outside the store!”

Anonymous Angel

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