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    Fine Art Comes With Age

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

    (I’m a caricaturist working at a party. I’m 19, but because of my petite figure, I’m often mistaken for younger. I’m facing my stand, waiting for a guest.)

    Guest: “Are you doing caricatures?”

    (I turn to face the guest. She is a 10-year-old girl, who suddenly looks horrified and jumps back.)

    Guest: “Woah! HOW OLD ARE YOU?”

    Me: “Um, 19?”

    Guest: “Geez! You look like you’re 14, or something; you scared me!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Guest: “I’m used to people doing these to be like 30, or something. I was expecting an old lady.”

    Me: “Haha, sorry I’m so young?”

    Guest: “YOU SCARED ME! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE OLD!”

    Lying Is All Relative(s)

    | NC, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Money, Top

    (I am working in my father’s cafe. A customer orders a substantial amount of food.)

    Me: “Okay. That will be $36.19 please.”

    Customer: “Oh, no. I’m the owner’s brother, so I get all of my food half price.”

    Me: “Um, okay. That will still be $36.19, sir.”

    Customer: “Excuse me! Do you know who I am!? Now ring my order up right, or I’ll get your purple-haired a** fired!”

    Me: “Okay, give me moment.”

    (I turn around to the grill line, where my father is cooking.)

    Me: “Hey, daddy! This guy says he’s my uncle, and if I don’t give him a discount you’ll fire my purple-haired a**. What should I do?”

    (I have never seen someone run out of a restaurant so fast in my life!)

    Customer Suggestion Box

    funny-customer-suggestion-box

    Spicing Up The Deal(er)

    | MD, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Top

    (I work at an adult store that used to sell a fake type of incense called ‘Spice’. It is now illegal, so we no longer carry it. Every so often, an undercover cop comes in asking for it—just to make sure we aren’t doing anything illegal. There are two other customers of a shady sort in the store already.)

    Undercover Cop: “Hey, do you guys carry any Spice, still?”

    Me: “No, sir, we no longer carry that product.”

    Undercover Cop: “You sure you guys don’t have any in the back?”

    Me: “I am, sir; it is illegal in Maryland. It is also a serious drug charge if caught with it, so we no longer carry it in any shape, way or form.”

    Undercover Cop: “Oh, okay. Thank you.”

    (One of the shady customers approaches the guy, unaware that he’s a cop.)

    Customer #1: “Hey, I got some stuff in my car you might be interested in.”

    Undercover Cop: “Really? Show me.”

    (I watch the three of them walk out the store. I quickly grab a broom and begin ‘sweeping’ by the front door. I see the two guys open the trunk of their car, and watch the cop’s eye go wide. I just stand at the door and watch the dumbest ever drug dealers get arrested in front of my store.)

    The Scam Doesn’t Fit The Bill

    | Waterville, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money

    (I’m working the counter during the breakfast shift. The customer pays with a $10 bill. I hand back the change.)

    Customer #1: “You shorted me $10; I gave you a $20!”

    Customer #2: “You did. I saw him; he paid with a $20.”

    Me: “Okay, let me check; just one moment.”

    (I go and grab the manager’s keys to open the drawer. I’m already suspicious, since Customer #2 was so quick to speak up. I pull out the entire cash drawer and shelf.)

    Me: “There aren’t any $20s in here.”

    (I hold up the shelf were we usually put the $20 bills, to show them it’s empty.)

    Customer #1: “Um, never mind…”

    (After they leave, it dawns on me that the manager had just moments before emptied my drawer of $20s. Thank goodness for that!)

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