October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

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Lying Is All Relative(s)

| NC, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Money, Top

(I am working in my father’s cafe. A customer orders a substantial amount of food.)

Me: “Okay. That will be $36.19 please.”

Customer: “Oh, no. I’m the owner’s brother, so I get all of my food half price.”

Me: “Um, okay. That will still be $36.19, sir.”

Customer: “Excuse me! Do you know who I am!? Now ring my order up right, or I’ll get your purple-haired a** fired!”

Me: “Okay, give me moment.”

(I turn around to the grill line, where my father is cooking.)

Me: “Hey, daddy! This guy says he’s my uncle, and if I don’t give him a discount you’ll fire my purple-haired a**. What should I do?”

(I have never seen someone run out of a restaurant so fast in my life!)

Customer Suggestion Box



Spicing Up The Deal(er)

| MD, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Top

(I work at an adult store that used to sell a fake type of incense called ‘Spice’. It is now illegal, so we no longer carry it. Every so often, an undercover cop comes in asking for it—just to make sure we aren’t doing anything illegal. There are two other customers of a shady sort in the store already.)

Undercover Cop: “Hey, do you guys carry any Spice, still?”

Me: “No, sir, we no longer carry that product.”

Undercover Cop: “You sure you guys don’t have any in the back?”

Me: “I am, sir; it is illegal in Maryland. It is also a serious drug charge if caught with it, so we no longer carry it in any shape, way or form.”

Undercover Cop: “Oh, okay. Thank you.”

(One of the shady customers approaches the guy, unaware that he’s a cop.)

Customer #1: “Hey, I got some stuff in my car you might be interested in.”

Undercover Cop: “Really? Show me.”

(I watch the three of them walk out the store. I quickly grab a broom and begin ‘sweeping’ by the front door. I see the two guys open the trunk of their car, and watch the cop’s eye go wide. I just stand at the door and watch the dumbest ever drug dealers get arrested in front of my store.)

The Scam Doesn’t Fit The Bill

| Waterville, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money

(I’m working the counter during the breakfast shift. The customer pays with a $10 bill. I hand back the change.)

Customer #1: “You shorted me $10; I gave you a $20!”

Customer #2: “You did. I saw him; he paid with a $20.”

Me: “Okay, let me check; just one moment.”

(I go and grab the manager’s keys to open the drawer. I’m already suspicious, since Customer #2 was so quick to speak up. I pull out the entire cash drawer and shelf.)

Me: “There aren’t any $20s in here.”

(I hold up the shelf were we usually put the $20 bills, to show them it’s empty.)

Customer #1: “Um, never mind…”

(After they leave, it dawns on me that the manager had just moments before emptied my drawer of $20s. Thank goodness for that!)

The Bigger The Bigotry, The Harder They Fall

| GA, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

(I drive to a local franchise retail store. I walk in to find a friend of mine, who is 22, but looks much younger because she’s so small, working as a cashier. She runs out to give me a quick hug.)

Friend: “Hey! How have you been? My husband and my cousin are in the store right now! You should say hi to them!”

(A customer in his 30s in a ball cap, t-shirt, and overalls, rolls his eyes and comments.)

Customer: “Hey, b****! Get over here and do your job, and quit flirting with your boyfriend!”

Friend: “Sorry, sir, I haven’t seen him in months.”

Customer: “I don’t give a f***, w****! Get your a** back here, and ring up my stuff! That’s all you’re good for anyway!”

(I start to step-up to the guy, when she interrupts me.)

Friend: “First of all, I am married. Secondly, my husband is right there.”

(She points at him as he rounds the corner.)

Friend: “He’s a prison guard. His cousin with him is a pro wrestler. You may have seen him on Monday nights if you have cable. My friend here, who I just stopped from kicking your a** before either of them got here, is just a man who trains MMA fighters. Now… how may I help you?”

(The customer drops his items and wallet and runs out the door before we can stop him. I decide to be a good samaritan and return it to him by finding out where he lives from his ID. The look on his face when I returned them to him at home was priceless.)

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