• Understood The Concept Swimmingly
    (1,481 thumbs up)
  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    Archive for 2013

    Jump to page:

    Take A Humble Sip From The Dixie Cup

    | Washington, DC, USA | Bigotry, Geography, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I am originally from Georgia, but am attending university in DC. Because of where I was raised, I have a noticeable southern accent. I work at a local sports bar to help pay my tuition, and am serving two young men.)

    Me: “Hi, can I get y’all something to drink?”

    (Customer #1 scoffs, and imitates me with an exaggerated accent.)

    Customer #1: “Yawwwwlll?”

    Customer #2: “If I wanted to star in Deliverance, I would’ve gone to Alabama!”

    Customer #1: “Man, I’m sick of you hicks coming up here! You guys should all stay south of the Mason-Dixon line!”

    Me: “Actually, sir, geographically, DC is south of the Mason-Dixon.”

    Customer #1: “What do you know? You probably dropped out of high school and married your baby mama at 16!”

    Me: “Actually, I graduated as valedictorian from my high school, and I currently study history at [prestigious university]. I’m getting my Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees at the same time, and have a 4.0 GPA. I’m also gay, and have a long term boyfriend. So, no, I didn’t marry my ‘baby mama’.”

    (Both customers are speechless.)

    Me: “Now that I’m done breaking your archaic stereotypes, can I get y’all anything to drink?”

    Not Behaving Like An Adult

    | Pine Grove, PA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Money

    (I have just checked a guest in at a discounted rate. After 20 minutes, the guest calls me at the front desk.)

    Guest: “You’ve charged me $199! You said my rate was $109!”

    Me: “Okay, sir, let me bring up your reservation to make sure I didn’t make a mistake.”

    (The guest grunts, but lets me check.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it looks like I didn’t make a mistake. You will see an authorization for $136.36 until your card is actually charged. We authorize for more just in case you have any incidentals at the end of your stay.”

    Guest: “Listen to what I’m telling you; I’ve been overcharged!”

    Me: “Please come to the front desk so I can see your receipt.”

    (The guest comes down, and slams a receipt on the desk that doesn’t look anything like what we give out.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but this receipt is for [Adult Store]. You must have gotten the receipts mixed up. Here is a new one for your stay here; have a great night!”

    Prices Subject To Change



    Battle Of The Sexists

    | West Midlands, England, UK | Bigotry, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a male part time cleaner at my local leisure centre. One of my duties is to clean the toilets in reception. It is currently busy in reception, so I ensure that the female toilet is empty before putting up a sign warning customers that cleaning is in progress. As I leave the toilet with my arms full with mops, bleach, and disinfectant etc, a female customer is standing outside the door waiting.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I didn’t realise you were waiting.”

    Customer: “What were you doing in there?”

    (I gesture to my arms that are full with cleaning products.)

    Me: “Just cleaning the area for you.”

    Customer: “But those are the female toilets!”

    Me: “I am aware of that, but it is part of my job to ensure all toilets are clean.”

    Customer: “But you aren’t a woman; you shouldn’t be in there!”

    Me: “There are no female cleaners on duty. I am the only cleaner here today, and the toilets need to be cleaned.”

    Customer: “Well that is unacceptable! Where is your manager? I am making a complaint!”

    (My manager is already in the reception area, so makes her way over.)

    Manager: “What is the problem?”

    Customer: “This man was in the female toilets.”

    Manager: “Well, the area does need to be cleaned regularly, and he is our cleaner.”

    Customer: “I don’t give a d*** what his job is! He should not be in the women’s toilets.”

    Manager: “So, your complaint is that we have a male employee in the women’s toilets?”

    Customer: “D*** right it is!”

    Manager: “Would you rather the toilets were not cleaned?”

    Customer: “No, that would be stupid! Just get a woman cleaner!”

    Manager: “Then who would clean the male toilets?”

    Customer: “She can! But this pervert should be fired for going into the women’s toilets.”

    Manager: “But, wouldn’t that make her just as bad as him?”

    Customer: “Oh, you are just being awkward now! P*** off and leave me alone!”

    Fine Art Comes With Age

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

    (I’m a caricaturist working at a party. I’m 19, but because of my petite figure, I’m often mistaken for younger. I’m facing my stand, waiting for a guest.)

    Guest: “Are you doing caricatures?”

    (I turn to face the guest. She is a 10-year-old girl, who suddenly looks horrified and jumps back.)

    Guest: “Woah! HOW OLD ARE YOU?”

    Me: “Um, 19?”

    Guest: “Geez! You look like you’re 14, or something; you scared me!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Guest: “I’m used to people doing these to be like 30, or something. I was expecting an old lady.”

    Me: “Haha, sorry I’m so young?”