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    Archive for 2013

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    Talking To Private Line

    | OH, USA | Bizarre, Military

    (I am a customer service representative for a big phone company.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Phone Company]! My name is [Name]! Is the phone number you’re calling in reference to [Phone Number]?

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “Great! And how can I assist you today?”

    Caller: “I am just calling to warn you. I have an army ready to take down [Phone Company].”

    Me: “Uhm… okay. I’m sorry? Is there a problem I can help you resolve?”

    Caller: “No! I don’t want your help. I know how you people are. You’re all after one thing. Money. You’ve charged my bill like crazy. ON. PURPOSE. We are going to take you down!”

    Me: “I’m sorry that you’re having a billing issue sir. I’m sure I can fix it for you. I’m taking a look at your bill right now—”

    Caller: “I don’t want your help! I have friends in the government!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not sure what the issue is. What can I do to help you?”

    Caller: “Tell your boss. And your boss’s boss. I’m going to take you down! You think you can cheat me!?”

    Me: “No… sir?”

    Caller: *hangs up*

    Why Skynet Annihilated Mankind, Vol. 2

    | Charleston, SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at a call center for a large car rental company, booking rentals and providing customer service. I’ve been told my voice is very robotic.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Business] Car Rentals. My name is [First Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller #1: “I’d like to book a rental.”

    Me: “When and where would you like to pick up your rental?”

    Caller #1: “I’d like to speak to a person.”

    Me: “Sir, I am a person.”

    Caller #1: “No, you’re the answering machine. Connect me to a person.”

    Me: “No, sir. I am a real person. My name is [First Name].”

    Caller #1: “STOP LYING TO ME, ROBOT!”

    (The caller hangs up. Five minutes pass and my next call comes in.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Business] Car Rentals. My name is [First Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller #2: “Speak to an agent.”

    Me: “I am an agent, sir. Would you like to schedule a booking?”

    Customer #2: “Oh, wow! You sound exactly like the voice on the menus!”

    Related:
    Why Skynet Annihilated Mankind, Vol 1

    Got The Wrong (Hair) Extension

    | Australia | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (My salon has had the weeks before Christmas booked out since way back in March. In mid-November, I take a phone call.)

    Caller: “I need a booking to get extensions, a full head of foils, and a cut, for Saturday the 21st of December.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have anything for the entire month of December.”

    Caller: “Great. So how’s 10 in the morning?”

    Me: “I’m really sorry. We just don’t have any appointments in December. The next appointment for what you need is on January 30th.”

    Caller: “Listen you stupid little cow. I SAID, the 21st of December, at 10. Grab your little appointment book and book me in with [Name]. I swear, she’s the only competent one of the lot of you!”

    Me: “You do realise I’m [Name], right?”

    5 Festive Stories of Unseasonable Customers!

    | Not Always Right | Holidays, Roundups

    Weekly Roundup: 5 Festive Stories of Unseasonable Customers! In this week’s roundup, we celebrate the start of the holiday season with five Christmas and Holiday-themed bad customer stories!

    1. The Karate Kid: Christmas Special (3,515 thumbs up)
    2. Waxing Lyrical About Christmas Kindness (2,743 thumbs up)
    3. Santa Vs Jason (1,266 thumbs up)
    4. Little White Lies On Little White Christmases (3,715 thumbs up)
    5. Hard-To-Please-Her Scrooge (1,736 thumbs up)

    PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Tree-ting The Request With Respect

    | OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Two customers come in for lunch and want to eat outside on the deck. I take their order, bring it to them, and periodically check on them to make sure everything is going well. I come back again at the end of their meal.)

    Me: “So, how was everything? Would you like dessert, or would this be all for you ladies today?”

    Customer #1: “Everything was great, thank you.”

    Customer #2: “It was great, and I don’t want to sound rude, but I’m going to criticize.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Customer #2: “You’re on the river. You should be a fine dining establishment. You shouldn’t have the trees dropping pine cones and other stuff on the deck. And you should get rid of the spider webs.”

    (Customer #1 is looking at Customer #2 indicating that she would like her to shut up.)

    Me: “We clean the deck off a few times a week, but the wind has been picking up lately, and stuff keeps falling from the trees. Would you like me to ask the spiders if they would kindly stop building their webs on the deck every night also?”

    Customer #2: “If you would do that, that would be great!”

    Customer #1: “And I suppose you want her to ask the trees to stop dropping things on the deck too?”

    Customer #2: “Yes! Please do it!”

    (Fortunatel, Customer #1 apologized to me as soon as they were walking out the door.)

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