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    Calm A Barking Customer

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Pets & Animals

    (A somewhat disgruntled customer comes up to me, with a service dog in her cart.)

    Me: “Good afternoon! You have a very lovely dog.”

    Customer: *sharply* “Don’t pet him.”

    Me: “Oh, don’t worry. If you don’t want me to, I won’t.”

    (I start scanning her items.)

    Me: “Would you like to add a protection plan to your product for only $5.99?”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me? Fine, I guess.”

    Me: “It is absolutely your decision, ma’am.”

    (As we go through the process, I try to make small talk.)

    Me: “So what is your dog’s name?”

    Customer: “It’s [name]. He gets very nervous around anyone but me.”

    Me: “I completely understand. I’ve got an old dog at home, and he sometimes gets anxious around people when I take him out on walks.”

    (The chit-chat goes on throughout the transaction, with the woman growing considerably less and less grumpy.)

    Me: “Here’s your receipt. Have a wonderful day!”

    Customer: “You know, I’m really sorry if I seemed out of it. It’s been a very rough day, and you were so very understanding of me.”

    Me: “I know what it’s like to have rough days. You take care of yourself!”

    (It takes working in customer service to understand a customer!)

    Dealing With Racists Can Be Ownerous

    | Fort Worth, TX, USA | Bigotry, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I am eating dinner at a cafeteria. I see a waitress being incessantly berated by an elderly woman.)

    Waitress: “May I help you to your table, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Just listen to that redneck accent!”

    Waitress: “I grew up in Texas, Ma’am. Many of us—”

    Customer: “It’s still WHITE TRASH TALK!”

    (The waitress keeps her composure, and helps the elderly woman to her table. The customer starts talking to her grown-up children at the table.)

    Customer: “She is a no-class nothing! White trash! That’s all she is!”

    (The waitress finally takes a deep breath, and walks up to the elderly woman’s table.)

    Waitress: “You’re calling me white trash. Do you know that I own this franchise?”

    (The elderly woman’s eyes narrow at her, as though trying to figure out if she is lying or not.)

    Waitress: “If you’ll look at that plaque, that’s mine. It says I own this franchise. And, ma’am, you need not come back here again.”

    Careless Customer

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    Makes You Want To Shrimp Into Your Seat

    | MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    (I am out for lunch with a friend, and we have just finished ordering. Our waitress has been nothing but cheerful and friendly.)

    Me: “Oh, I noticed a lot of your lunch specials have shrimp in them. Could you please make sure my food doesn’t come into contact with any shellfish?”

    Waitress: “Oh, definitely!” *makes note* “So, are you just allergic to shrimp, or all shellfish?”

    Me: “All shellfish.”

    Waitress: “That sucks. I’m allergic to the iodine in shrimp, but I can eat crab legs and stuff. Anyway, I’ll get this right in for you!”

    (As she walks away, I notice my friend is silently fuming.)

    Me: “What’s wrong?”

    My Friend: “What business is it of hers what you’re allergic to? She had no right to ask that!”

    Me: “She was just making conversation; no big deal.”

    My Friend: “No! She had no right! I’m going to talk to a manager about her behavior!”

    Me: “Dude, just chill; she was just being friendly.”

    (Ignoring me, my friend goes up to bar and demands to speak to a manager. The bartender promises to have one come to our table. My friend returns to the table. A couple of minutes later the manager appears.)

    Manager: “I hear you wanted to speak to me. Is there anything I can help you with?”

    My Friend: “Yes! Our stupid b**** waitress is rude and unprofessional! My friend here is allergic to shellfish, and when she asked that her food not touch any shellfish, your employee refused until she knew exactly what my friend was allergic to! She demanded to know! She has no right!”

    (At this point I want to hide in my seat, but the manager turns to me.)

    Manager: “Is this true? I sincerely apologize; I have never known her to do something like that!”

    Me: “That’s because it didn’t happen. She was making conversation, and simply asked a question, after making the note about my allergy. She is a wonderful waitress; my friend here is blowing it all of proportion.”

    My Friend: “No, don’t listen to her! That waitress is horrible and deserves to be fired! I demand that our bill be free!”

    (The manager is looking a bit confused. Our waitress is standing nearby, looking like she’s going to cry. I’ve had enough, and turn to my friend.)

    Me: “This has gone too far. I don’t know what you’re flipping out about, and if this is just some ploy to get free food, I want nothing to do with it. I’m not lying to get that poor girl in trouble, just because you’re cheap!”

    (I turn to the manager.)

    Me: “May I please be seated elsewhere?”

    (The manager obliges and seats me across the restaurant, though he lets me keep the same waitress. My friend—who I no longer speak to—keeps making such a racket that he is removed. I have a delicious, shellfish-free lunch, and the manager even gives me a free dessert!)

    Looking For A Toast To The East Coast

    | WI, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Geography

    (I work the night shift. We regularly get the bar crowd in trying to buy beer after the bars close. Due to a city ordinance, we can’t sell it after midnight.)

    Drunk Customer: “Where is all your beer?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; we can’t sell beer after midnight.”

    Drunk Customer: “Well, where can I get beer?”

    Me: *jokingly* “I think the bars are still open in New York City!”

    Drunk Customer: “Cool, how do I get there?”

    Me: “It’s over one thousand miles away.”

    Drunk Customer: “No, which direction is it from here?”

    Coworker: “That way.” *points east*

    Drunk Customer: “Cool, well thanks.”

    (He stumbles out towards his car. I turn to my coworker.)

    Me: “You’d better call the police.”

    Coworker: “Already on it.”

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