(I’m riding the train when a passenger with a walker approaches the area where you pay. As she gets up the first stair, she trips, making a second passenger in front of her drop her wallet. I see the first passenger snatch up the money that falls from the second passenger’s wallet. She takes her seat and the other passenger confronts her.)

Passenger #2: “Excuse me, I think you have my money. There was $30 in my wallet before it fell, and now there’s none.”

Passenger #1: “Well this is all my money for my tickets and trains. It’s not yours.”

Passenger #2: “The conductor told me you grabbed it when it fell.”

Passenger #1: “Well that’s not true. IT’S MY MONEY!”

Me: “Then why is it folded differently than the rest of your money?”

(Passenger #1 finally gives up and gives back the money. The conductor even apologizes to Passenger #2 for the bad behavior of Passenger #1.)

(I work in a coffee shop that has a drive-thru, and we’re currently in the afternoon rush. I’m wearing a headset, making drinks for my manager who is taking the drive-thru orders.)

Coworker: “Hi there, welcome to [coffee shop]; how’s your day going?

Customer: “It’s alright. Get me a large black coffee.”

Coworker: “For sure! Can we get you an oat bar to go with that today?”

Customer: “A what?”

Coworker: “An oat bar.”

Customer: *angrily* “No, I don’t want a goat farm with that!”

(It’s about 6:30 am. I’m working drive-thru near to the end of an overnight shift. The queue is pretty slow because we’re serving breakfast, and many people have complex grill orders that need to be filled. A customer pulls up to my window and pays without saying a word. However, as soon as I start to take another order, the customer yells at me.)

Customer: “Why is my order taking so d*** long?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is a fairly large order for the two cars in front. We’re rather understaffed today, too.”

Customer: “Well, get them to move faster! It’s alright for some! Unlike you I actually have a JOB to get to!”

Me: *stares down at my work uniform*

(I’m sprawled on the couch watching TV when my boyfriend comes over to cuddle. As he lies on top of me, he tucks his arms to his sides and stops moving.)

Me: “Are you… are you planking on me?”

Boyfriend: “I figured if I was going to try it, I should start somewhere comfortable.”

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(My boyfriend is talking about a video game he has been playing recently.)

Boyfriend: “So I killed 3,000 people, but then I got bored.”

Me: “You got bored from mass-murdering people? What is wrong with you?!”

Boyfriend: “Well it took me two hours! Wouldn’t you be bored by then?”

Me: “Honey if it took you two whole hours to massacre a measly 3,000 people, then you aren’t doing it right.”