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    Food For Thoughtless

    | Derby, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (The store I work in is now a very popular coffee brand store. We’ve been open for two weeks. The building was previously a food and dining store, but the building had been empty eight months prior to our store opening.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not very d*** good now!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m ever so sorry to hear that! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I came here for some breakfast, but you’re not [old store] any more!”

    Me: “Well, we do have breakfast options. We can heat them for yo—”

    Customer: “NO GOOD! I WANTED HOT FOOD!”

    Me: “We can do you hot food; we offer porridge, and of course our lovely hot dr—”

    Customer: “IT’S S***! IT’S GARBAGE, THAT’S WHAT IT IS! I WON’T PUT UP WITH IT!”

    (While he’s steadily getting angrier, another customer has entered the store behind him.)

    Me: “Um, there’s not really much else I can do I’m afraid, sir. Was there anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’ll have a… NO! I’ll go somewhere else. THIS IS TOTAL S***! What do you have to say for yourself?!”

    Me: “Er… I’m sorry but [old store] hasn’t been open on this site for almost a year, so there really is nothing I can do about it. If that is everything, I will just serve the next customer who has been waiting patiently. Thank you, have a good d—”

    Customer: “I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU! I WA—”

    Next Customer: “Well, she’s finished with YOU! You’re obviously bloody stupid; EVERYONE knows that [old store] hasn’t been here for ages! It’s too d*** early for you to be yelling at this poor girl! Now, sod off and let me get my coffee!”

    (The first customer all but runs from the store.)

    Me: “Wow, thank you for that! I’m so sorry you had to step in though!”

    Next Customer: “No worries, my darling! Hey, I recognise you; didn’t you work at [popular fast food store]?”

    Me: “Yup! Five years of putting up with customers like that; I think I may have brought them with me!”

    Next Customer: “Oh, dear me. Well, this is for you, darling! Keep that smile going!”

    (The woman hands me a £5 note, swiftly followed by several more from the other customers in the store, all of whom come over when they hear where I used to work!)

    You Have To Laugh About The New Scarf

    | Kildare, Ireland | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (A customer has seen a scarf that she likes, and wants to buy two identical pairs. Unfortunately there are only two of the same style in stock.)

    Customer: “But I don’t like this one…”

    Me: “Um… they’re identical.”

    Customer: “No they’re not! I want two like this one!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, miss, they are the exact same pattern and the exact same colour. There is absolutely no difference. Look, I’ll compare them… see?”

    Customer: “Do you think I’m stupid? DO YOU? This one is a darker shade. I want the lighter shade. I AM NOT AN IDIOT!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; maybe it’s the lighting. I’ll just grab another from the stock room, and I’ll be right back.”

    (I hide in the stockroom for a minute with her second scarf, doing nothing. I then come back out with the exact same scarf.)

    Me: “I have found one just like the other one.”

    Customer: “See? I knew they were different! This third one is perfect!”

    (She buys them both.)

    Can I Get…

    image

    How To Keep Your Days From Drag(ging)-On

    | FL, USA | Bizarre, Money

    (I’m working at my teller window when a client with a bandaged hand comes up with a deposit.)

    Me: “Hello! Welcome to [bank]. I see that you hurt your hand; were you fighting with a dragon?”

    Client: “Yes, and it won.”

    Me: “Was it a big dragon?”

    Client: “No, it was a little one. But he didn’t play fair. He used fire!”

    Me: “Oh, no! Well, better luck to you next time. Here’s your receipt. Have a wonderful day!”

    Client: “You too! Thanks!” *walks out the door*

    (My boss, who has been standing behind me the whole time, finally speaks up.)

    Boss: “That was not normal…”

    There’s Nothing To Fear But Beer By Itself

    | Manteo, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (During the night shift at the 24-hour gas station, it’s against policy to have the store open from midnight to five if you’re working alone. My coworker hasn’t shown up, so I am doing some cleaning while the store is temporarily closed and locked. A customer bangs angrily on the door. After several mimes of miming ‘Sorry!’ and pointing to the ‘Closed’ sign, I open the door a crack, figuring she might be in trouble or have run out of gas.)

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Open the door!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we’re closed. I’m not allowed to be open from midnight to five.”

    Customer: “You’re CLOSED?!”

    Me: “Yes! Well… is it an emergency?”

    Customer: “It is an emergency! I need beer!”


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