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    You Have To Laugh About The New Scarf

    | Kildare, Ireland | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (A customer has seen a scarf that she likes, and wants to buy two identical pairs. Unfortunately there are only two of the same style in stock.)

    Customer: “But I don’t like this one…”

    Me: “Um… they’re identical.”

    Customer: “No they’re not! I want two like this one!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, miss, they are the exact same pattern and the exact same colour. There is absolutely no difference. Look, I’ll compare them… see?”

    Customer: “Do you think I’m stupid? DO YOU? This one is a darker shade. I want the lighter shade. I AM NOT AN IDIOT!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; maybe it’s the lighting. I’ll just grab another from the stock room, and I’ll be right back.”

    (I hide in the stockroom for a minute with her second scarf, doing nothing. I then come back out with the exact same scarf.)

    Me: “I have found one just like the other one.”

    Customer: “See? I knew they were different! This third one is perfect!”

    (She buys them both.)

    Can I Get…

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    How To Keep Your Days From Drag(ging)-On

    | FL, USA | Bizarre, Money

    (I’m working at my teller window when a client with a bandaged hand comes up with a deposit.)

    Me: “Hello! Welcome to [bank]. I see that you hurt your hand; were you fighting with a dragon?”

    Client: “Yes, and it won.”

    Me: “Was it a big dragon?”

    Client: “No, it was a little one. But he didn’t play fair. He used fire!”

    Me: “Oh, no! Well, better luck to you next time. Here’s your receipt. Have a wonderful day!”

    Client: “You too! Thanks!” *walks out the door*

    (My boss, who has been standing behind me the whole time, finally speaks up.)

    Boss: “That was not normal…”

    There’s Nothing To Fear But Beer By Itself

    | Manteo, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (During the night shift at the 24-hour gas station, it’s against policy to have the store open from midnight to five if you’re working alone. My coworker hasn’t shown up, so I am doing some cleaning while the store is temporarily closed and locked. A customer bangs angrily on the door. After several mimes of miming ‘Sorry!’ and pointing to the ‘Closed’ sign, I open the door a crack, figuring she might be in trouble or have run out of gas.)

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Open the door!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we’re closed. I’m not allowed to be open from midnight to five.”

    Customer: “You’re CLOSED?!”

    Me: “Yes! Well… is it an emergency?”

    Customer: “It is an emergency! I need beer!”

    Calm A Barking Customer

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Pets & Animals

    (A somewhat disgruntled customer comes up to me, with a service dog in her cart.)

    Me: “Good afternoon! You have a very lovely dog.”

    Customer: *sharply* “Don’t pet him.”

    Me: “Oh, don’t worry. If you don’t want me to, I won’t.”

    (I start scanning her items.)

    Me: “Would you like to add a protection plan to your product for only $5.99?”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me? Fine, I guess.”

    Me: “It is absolutely your decision, ma’am.”

    (As we go through the process, I try to make small talk.)

    Me: “So what is your dog’s name?”

    Customer: “It’s [name]. He gets very nervous around anyone but me.”

    Me: “I completely understand. I’ve got an old dog at home, and he sometimes gets anxious around people when I take him out on walks.”

    (The chit-chat goes on throughout the transaction, with the woman growing considerably less and less grumpy.)

    Me: “Here’s your receipt. Have a wonderful day!”

    Customer: “You know, I’m really sorry if I seemed out of it. It’s been a very rough day, and you were so very understanding of me.”

    Me: “I know what it’s like to have rough days. You take care of yourself!”

    (It takes working in customer service to understand a customer!)

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