(My girlfriend lives in an apartment with five other girls, and I have to fart. I go outside to be polite, and she comes outside to see what I’m doing.)
Me: “Babe, don’t come over here. I think I just melted a hole in my underwear with a fart.”
Girlfriend: “That’s okay. I think I just sharted.”
(I’m riding the train when a passenger with a walker approaches the area where you pay. As she gets up the first stair, she trips, making a second passenger in front of her drop her wallet. I see the first passenger snatch up the money that falls from the second passenger’s wallet. She takes her seat and the other passenger confronts her.)
Passenger #2: “Excuse me, I think you have my money. There was $30 in my wallet before it fell, and now there’s none.”
Passenger #1: “Well this is all my money for my tickets and trains. It’s not yours.”
Passenger #2: “The conductor told me you grabbed it when it fell.”
Passenger #1: “Well that’s not true. IT’S MY MONEY!”
Me: “Then why is it folded differently than the rest of your money?”
(Passenger #1 finally gives up and gives back the money. The conductor even apologizes to Passenger #2 for the bad behavior of Passenger #1.)
(A customer comes to check out with a basket of art supplies, including a pad of drawing paper. The customer hands me the other items, but stands there holding a shopping list and the paper, looking back and forth between them and frowning.)
Me: “The paper, too?”
Customer: “Will this work?”
(The customer’s list has ’12 x 18′ written on it.)
Customer: “How do I know if this will work?”
Me: “The paper cover says ’18 x 12.'”
Customer: “But she wrote ’12 x 18!'”
Me: “… well, she didn’t specify the kind of paper or the kind of pad, just the size. This is the same size; she just wrote it a different way.”
Customer: “Oh, but, I don’t know!” *very anxious* “How can you be sure?”
(My coworker sees the confusion and comes over.)
Coworker: “Did you have a question?”
Customer: “I’m supposed to buy ’12 x 18,’ but I can only find ’18 x 12.'”
Coworker: “…uh, you should be fine. See, you can hold it two ways, so it doesn’t really matter which side the binding is on. You can always cut the drawings out. It’s the same size paper.”
Customer: “This is just so perplexing to me!”
Entering is as easy as 1-2-3:
PS: winners will be announced the first Wednesday of every month. Next free t-shirt gift certificate: Wednesday, November 6!
(It’s about 6:30 am. I’m working drive-thru near to the end of an overnight shift. The queue is pretty slow because we’re serving breakfast, and many people have complex grill orders that need to be filled. A customer pulls up to my window and pays without saying a word. However, as soon as I start to take another order, the customer yells at me.)
Customer: “Why is my order taking so d*** long?”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is a fairly large order for the two cars in front. We’re rather understaffed today, too.”
Customer: “Well, get them to move faster! It’s alright for some! Unlike you I actually have a JOB to get to!”
Me: *stares down at my work uniform*
