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    All In A Huff About The Man With A Puff

    | LA, USA | Top, Uncategorized

    (My boyfriend is standing on the sidewalk outside the store. He is smoking a cigarette while he waits for me to get off. A customer comes in and starts complaining.)

    Customer: “Look at him! Standing out there as if he owns the place! You’re going to make this place go out of business by allowing riff-raff like that to hang out here and smoke right beside the door!”

    Me: “Ma’am, he is near the ashtray, which is more than the state mandated twenty-five feet from the entrance. Furthermore, I ask that you not call my other customers names, and especially him because he’s my boyfriend.”

    Customer: “What is wrong with you?! Why would a good, sweet Christian girl like you date a tattooed heathen like that!?”

    Me: “Ma’am, please stop calling him names. He is not a heathen; he is a good Christian man. I on the other hand, am not religious, but spiritual. He is also an Army veteran who served in Iraq and Afghanistan, and deserves to be treated with more respect than you are giving him. Now please leave. I am refusing you service for being so rude.”

    Customer: “The customer is always right! I’ll tell [owner] that you were letting a heathen lurk outside his store!”

    Me: “You do that, ma’am. I’ll make sure to tell him how rude you were, too.”

    Customer: “The customer is always right!”

    (The customer runs out of the store. At this point, my boyfriend walks in.)

    Boyfriend: “What was her problem, baby girl?”

    Me: “Who knows? She apparently thought the customer is always right.”

    Boyfriend: “Sometimes the customer is just an a**-hole.”

    Looking For A Stuffed Cash Cow

    | Canada | Liars & Scammers, Money

    (In order to drive business to our photography studio, we leave out stuffed animals for customers to ‘find’ and return in exchange for a free session and picture. The animals come with a silly poem with directions on where to go to collect their prize. A customer comes in, and places one of our toys on the counter.)

    Customer: “I found your toy.”

    Me: “Great! You’ve won a prize! You’ve won a free picture plus sitting!”

    Customer: “What? You mean there’s no cash?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I found your toy. I was under the impression there would be a reward.”

    Me: “Erm… yes. The sitting and picture is the reward.”

    Customer: “Well, I want CASH!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; we’re not allowed to offer cash prizes.”

    Customer: “Well I don’t have to take this! I brought your toy back, and you won’t pay me for it! You do it every other time! I can’t believe you won’t do it now! I’m calling your manager to complain!”

    Me: “Well, I am the manager, ma’am. I’m quite certain I’ve never handed out a cash prize for this game.”

    (The customer is now red faced and even angrier.)

    Customer: “How rude of you! I’m calling your company to complain and get my cash!”

    (The customer then shoves the toy across the counter, pauses to take the number for customer services, and storms out.)

    Fake Smile



    That Would Not Be A Happy Meal

    , | San Diego, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Top

    (Everyone in the kitchen wears headsets to hear the drive-thru. This is so we can make the order while the customer is ordering.)

    Me: “Hey, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Just a sec… s***!”

    Me: *deadpan* “I’m sorry, sir; we don’t serve that here.”

    (The entire kitchen erupts in laughter.)

    Customer: *also laughing* “If I wanted that, I’d go to [competitor]!”

    They Taste A Bit Brimstoney

    | Roseburg, OR, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Religion

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I bought some shrimp the other day, and would like to return them.”

    Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “The shrimp’s souls are in Hell.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Well they are freezer burned, and since they are ‘burned’, that means that their little souls are in Hell. I just can’t eat anything that has been damned.”

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