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    Archive for 2013

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    Lactose And Intolerant

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bigotry, Movies & TV

    (The movie ‘Milk’ has just come out. A man approaches the ticket box.)

    Customer: “I demand a refund!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; what’s wrong?”

    Customer: “I just saw Milk, what the h***? That movie was an outrage! I had no idea it was about that s***! Give me my money back!”

    Me: “Sir, did you read the movie description before you bought the ticket?”

    Customer: “No! Why should I?! The movie was supposed to be about what the title says!”

    Needs To Take A Chill Pill, Part 2

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Health & Body

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Pharmacy], how can I—”

    Customer: “So I just requested a refill, and I want to know when it will be ready.”

    Me: “Okay, what is your name?”

    (The customer gives her name. I see that no refill was requested. The medication is out of refills, and needs approval from the doctor.)

    Me: “I am very sorry, but we must not have gotten your refill request. I see that there are no refills available. I am going to have to fax the doctor.”

    Customer: “I did that. I went to their site and asked the doctor to do that. It should have just given my request to you, and it should be ready by now.”

    Me: “So, which website did you go to? Was it ours, or your doctor’s site?”

    Customer: “His, duh! How can you be that stupid? I requested it, and you see that request, and then you just fill out the paper to give me refills. All the doctor does is sign it. It should take like all of five minutes to get that done. So when the h*** is my prescription going to be ready?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I am sorry. We are in no way connected to your doctor’s office. They have their own software, and we have ours. We cannot in any way see what you have requested with your doctor’s office. We have to wait until he contacts us, and sometimes that can take up to three days for a response. Now if you are out of this medica—”

    Customer: “This is unacceptable! I know how these computer things work. You can look up any person’s prescriptions anywhere and anytime, no matter what pharmacy they are at! Now fill my f****** prescription!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there is no way I can do that. That would be in direct violation of federal law. There is a privacy act that means that we cannot share medical information with anyone else without your direct consent. Would you like it if I could access your medical record right now and see things like what you went to the ER for?”

    (Note: this customer is a notorious drug seeker, and is well known at ERs and Urgent Cares throughout the area. She also knows that we know.)

    Customer: “…uh, no.”

    Me: “That’s why we can’t see anything your doctor may have on you, or what requests you may have made to him. It’s to protect your privacy. Now since this isn’t a narcotic, I can ask the pharmacist if we can advance you some of your medication until we hear back from the doctor.”

    Customer: “Uh yeah, okay. That will be fine then.”

    (My pharmacist later pulls me to the side and tells me that I did a great job with a difficult customer, and with keeping my cool. Come Christmas time, I got a few extra bucks in my bonus!)

    Related:
    Needs To Take A Chill Pill

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    thetroublewithcats

    Not A Hobbitual Reader

    | Mount Pleasant, MI, USA | Books & Reading

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for Tolkien’s books.”

    Me: “Alright, which ones?”

    Customer: “The four he wrote.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, he wrote more than just four books.”

    Customer:The Lord of the Rings.”

    Me: “Ma’am, not to be rude, but The Lord of the Rings is only three books.”

    Customer: “The first one of that trilogy then! The Hobbit!”

    Me: “I’m afraid we don’t have any copies of that at the moment.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, do you have anything else by Tolkien?”

    Me: “Well, we do have The Silmarillion—”

    Customer: “I don’t speak Spanish. I guess I’ll try at one of the other stores, thanks.”

    A Large Order Of Lazy With A Side Order Of Crazy

    | Levittown, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (It is the Friday before Christmas. Our restaurant has received a large amount of catering orders for office parties. A customer orders 50 breaded wings to be delivered at lunch time. About an hour after the food is sent, the customer calls back.)

    Customer: “This is [name], from [company]. I’m calling about our lunch order.”

    Me: “Okay, I see here in our system that you received your food about an hour ago. Was there an issue with the food?”

    Customer: “Yes there was!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that. What exactly was the problem?”

    Customer: “THE SAUCE WAS ON THE SIDE!”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “The d*** sauce for the wings was on the side, not on the wings! This is disgusting!”

    Me: “Well, I’m so sorry that you weren’t satisfied. However, with breaded wings our restaurant always puts the sauce on the side. If we had put the sauce on top of the wings, by the time you received them, the breading would have been soggy and mushy. Unless you had specifically asked for the sauce to be on the wings, we had no way to know that is how you wanted them.”

    Customer: “This is a disgrace! I’m so disgusted with you. Your chef needs to be fired immediately! I’m absolutely humiliated in front of my employees. You’ve caused me to lose their respect, and I’m so disgusted that I wasn’t even able to eat my own lunch. This is absolutely absurd. I’ve ordered these wings a hundred times from [other restaurant], and they’ve NEVER done anything so horrible to me!”

    (The other restaurant she mentioned is actually our sister restaurant. The names are different, but the same man owns the business, their recipes are identical, and the managers of the two separate restaurants are brothers.)

    Me: “Well, I know for a fact that they sell their wings in exactly the same format.”

    Customer: “DON’T YOU LIE TO ME YOU B****! I’VE BEEN A CUSTOMER THERE FOR YEARS; THEY DO NOT! [Owner] would never do that to me!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, [owner] is the brother of my boss. The two restaurants are owned by their older brother, and the recipes are identical. In fact, I’m guessing the reason you called us is because you couldn’t get through to that restaurant?”

    Customer: “Y-yes, how did you know that?”

    Me: “Because they are currently closed for renovation. In fact, [other restaurant's owner] is standing about ten feet away from me. Would you like me to get him on the phone? I’m sure he’d be more than happy to explain his own standards to you!”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you; you’re a lying little b****! Don’t think you’ve heard the last of me!”

    (The customer calls back a few hours later. My boss has a nearly identical conversation with her. When he finally hangs up, he tells me we have lost a customer. Somehow, he doesn’t seem terribly broken up.)

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