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    No Plastic Bags

    plastic-bags

    Checking Her Out At The Checkout Just Checked Out

    | LA, USA | At The Checkout, Love/Romance, Top

    (My boyfriend is visiting me at work. He’s currently at the back of the store, looking at our soft drinks. I am ringing up a customer’s items.)

    Me: “Is this all you need, sir?”

    Customer: “No, I need your digits so we can go out sometime.”

    Me: “Not happening. Your total is $15.86, sir.”

    (He pays but he doesn’t leave. My boyfriend walks up to the counter with his drink. The customer nudges him with an elbow, and starts talking to him.)

    Customer: “What sort of guy do you think she goes for?”

    Boyfriend: “Well, she wants a guy who is smart, charming, witty, and funny in an off-beat kind of way.”

    (I am grinning as I nod.)

    Me: “Yep. He’d have to be 5’9; muscular but not beefy. He’d need hazel eyes, a light olive complexion, black hair, and a cheeky grin.”

    (My boyfriend smirks and the customer frowns.)

    Customer: “It sounds like she just described you.”

    Boyfriend: “That’s because she was describing me. She’s my girlfriend.”

    Customer: “Oh! I meant no harm, man!”

    (The customer runs out of the store with his bag, and we both start laughing.)

    Me: “You should visit me at work more often.”

    Life Needs An Undo Button

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at an online backup company. Our pricing is based on what storage amounts are used. You can get a free small account and upgrade to a paid account with more space later.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [name of business], this is [my name] speaking. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, hi, I needed to wipe my hard drive. I got a free account, but it wasn’t enough space. I paid to upgrade and then wiped my drive. Where is all my backed up stuff?!”

    Me: “When you upgraded the account, did you try to back up again so it would upload whatever didn’t fit before?”

    Caller: “No, it didn’t say I needed to do that! I just paid for the extra space this morning! You mean I lost all of my stuff?”

    Me: “Well, if you ran out of space, and then paid for more space, but didn’t back anything up, then all we’d have is what you backed up before.”

    Caller: “So, you’re basically saying I’m an idiot, then?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Left A Stool In The Stall

    | Woodbridge, VA, USA | Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in the changing room of a popular teen clothing-store.)

    Customer: “Where is your bathroom?”

    Me: “Oh, our bathroom is in the back. We can’t let you go back there. If you go out the store, and turn left, there is a restroom over by [sub shop].”

    Customer: “Can’t I just use it this once? Please?”

    Me: “No, I’m very sorry. But that restroom near [sub place] is really only a three-minute-walk from here.”

    Customer: “Why can’t I just use yours! I really need to go!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. We have merchandise back there; I can’t let you use it.”

    Customer: “B****!”

    (She storms out of the store. I go on break for half an hour. When I come back, there is a horrific smell coming from the changing rooms. I go back there, and I see the customer standing outside one of our back stalls.)

    Customer: “Serves you right!”

    (She runs out of the store as I turn to look into the stall. She’d grabbed a bunch of clothes, thrown them on the floor, and urinated and defecated on them.)

    Me: “I’m not cleaning that up.”

    Coworker: “Teen girls be crazy!”

    Getting In A Puff About The Pastry

    | Bethesda, Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Funny Names, Language & Words

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “That’s an almond croissant.”

    Customer: “What about that one?”

    Me: “A chocolate croissant.”

    Customer: “And that one?”

    Me: “Plain croissant.”

    Customer: “Nah. What’s that?”

    Me: “Pain au chocolat.”

    Customer: “What the f*** does that mean?”

    Me: “It’s a pastry with chocolate in it.”

    Customer: “So, it’s like nutty, yeah?”

    Me: “Well, we can’t guarantee it’s nut free, but the pastry just contains a roll of chocolate paste.”

    Customer: “So what does ‘pain’ mean?”

    Me: “It’s the French word for ‘bread’.”

    Customer: “Oooh! Posh! So what’s ‘chocolat’ mean, peanuts?”

    Me: “Nope, ‘chocolat’ is French for ‘chocolate’.”

    Customer: “I don’t like France; too artsy-fartsy. I’ll just have one of them chocolate croissants, then.”

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