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    It Only Goes Downhill From Here, Part 2

    | CA, USA | Musical Mayhem, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (The venue I am working is on top of a big hill. It has a driveway that leads to a small parking lot which is being used for the choir that is performing. An elderly customer and her daughter pull up.)

    Elderly Customer: “Hi, we’re here for the event.”

    Me: “Great, are you with the choir or a guest?”

    Daughter: “We’re guests, so can we just go up now?”

    Me: “Oh, the parking lot up there is being used for the choir that’s performing tonight. You’ll have to park down here. But if you don’t want to walk, there is a golf cart that can take you up there. He just went up, but he will be back down momentarily.”

    Elderly Customer: “BUT WE CAME TO SEE THE PERFORMANCE! WHY CAN’T WE PARK UP THERE IN THE PARKING LOT? I KNOW IT’S THERE! I’VE BEEN HERE BEFORE! YOU CAN’T TELL ME IT’S NOT THERE! IM OLD, AND CAN’T WALK UP THIS HILL!”

    Me: “Miss, the parking lot up there is being used for the choir that you will be seeing tonight. They all had to drive here so we let them use the parking lot. If you park down here on the road, the golf cart will take you right up to the event. If you were to park in that parking lot, you would have to walk up stairs. The cart will drop you off right at the event and you won’t have to walk up those stairs.”

    Daughter: “WHAT THE F*** DO YOU WANT? WE CAN PARK OUR OWN D*** SELVES!”

    (They drive up to the parking lot. I think I am done with them, and hoping they will get towed. After about five minutes, they come speeding back down the drive way, almost hitting a man and his wife who decided to walk up. They stop to yell at me, and the daughter throws a full, sealed, 32 oz. drink bottle at me. It hits me in the face, causing my nose to bleed. They speed off, never to be seen again.)

    Related:
    It Only Goes Downhill From Here

    Annoying, But True

    JCK-Thought-of-the-week2-600x447-320x202

    The Machine Runs On Punch-Lines Of Code

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

    (I am working the self-scans, bagging a customer’s groceries. The customer puts two small plastic containers filled with olives on the belt. The self-scan is programmed not only to mention the price of an item, but also to weigh some items, and let people know if their item should be placed on the belt or not.)

    Self-Scan Machine: “Please take your item to the bagging area.”

    (The customer puts both containers on the belt instead of taking it to the bagging area, and watches as the belt doesn’t move.)

    Self-Scan Machine: “Please take your item to the bagging area.”

    (The customer puts her hand on both containers and instead of picking them up and giving them to me, she pushes them down the belt causing the self-scan to freeze.)

    Self-Scan Machine: “Please stand by. Help is on the way.”

    (The customer turns to me.)

    Customer: “Why do you need to help me?”

    Me: “Because you pushed your olives down the belt. You never have to put these on the belt. Just bring them to me so I can bag them.”

    Customer: “Oh! When the machine told me to bring these items straight down, I actually had to do it? I didn’t have to put them on the belt at all?”

    Me: “No, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I thought this machine was just joking with me.”

    Fractional Intelligence, Part 2

    , | Jasper, IN, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science

    (I work at the drive-thru.)

    Me: “Thank you for choosing [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I would like a 16 piece family meal with two thirds of it fish.”

    Me: I’m sorry, ma’am; did you want 10 or 11 fish?”

    Customer: “What do mean?”

    Me: “Two thirds isn’t a proper fraction to use. It will give you between 10-11 pieces. So how many pieces would you like?”

    Customer: “I don’t see how you get those numbers. Just give me 12 fish. Is that a fraction you can figure out?”

    Me: “Yes, one 16 piece, 3/4 fish the rest chicken. Is there anything else for you today?”

    Customer: “I don’t see the difference between 3/4 and 2/3, but okay.”

    Related:
    Fractional Intelligence

    To Give Credit Where It Is Due

    | Lancaster, CA, USA | Health & Body, Money, Top

    (A gym member comes to the front sales desk and speaks with my coworker.)

    Member: “I received a notice in the mail that there was an issue with my monthly billing. Could you help me figure this out?”

    Coworker: “No problem.”

    (My coworker proceeds to look over the member’s record in the computer.)

    Coworker: “Ma’am, it appears that the credit card on file is no longer valid. That has caused your payments to be rejected.”

    Member: “I don’t understand how that’s possible. Is this the card you have on file?”

    (The member hands my coworker her credit card.)

    Coworker: “No, ma’am. We have a different card number on file. Did you recently receive a new card from your credit card company?”

    Member: “Yes, this is it. I don’t understand why they always have to change the card number and screw up all my bills like this.”

    Coworker: “I know it can be quite frustrating, but don’t worry. I will take care of this for you, and have you back to normal in no time.”

    (My coworker enters her new card number into the computer, takes the member’s past due payment, and hands her a receipt. The member then gathers her belongings and exits the building. No more than two minutes later, I see the same member coming back to the front desk with her receipt in hand. From previous experience, I know that this generally means the customer is upset about what they see on the receipt, and wants to yell at us.)

    Me: “Uh oh, she’s back; brace yourself.”

    (The member walks up to my coworker, and I wait for her to begin complaining.)

    Coworker: “Hello again, ma’am. Is there something else I can help you with?”

    Member: “Oh no, dear. I was half way to my car, when I realized I forgot to say thank you for all your help. So thank you, and I am so sorry for my lack of manners.”

    Coworker: “It was my pleasure, ma’am. Have a wonderful day.”

    Me: *dumbfounded*

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