Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
    (2,999 thumbs up)
  • Archive for 2013

    Jump to page:

    Should Have Stayed Clear Of The Bottle

    | UK | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in a little cafe near my friend’s dojo. She often comes by after practice. A shifty looking man enters, approaches the counter, and pulls a knife.)

    Robber: “Empty the f****** till.”

    (I start to do so. I see my friend approaching through the window. It’s a cold day, so she’s wearing a hoody with her judo jacket over the top. I try and get her attention.)

    Robber: “Hurry the f*** up!”

    (I drop some money under the counter in my fear. I bend down to pick it up. The man rests his knife hand on the counter, and leans over to make sure I’m not phoning the police.)

    My Friend: “Everything okay?”

    Me: “Yeah… just… getting this man his change.”

    (My voice is shaking. She can tell something is up. She crosses to the fridge cabinet.)

    My Friend: “Oh, you’ve still got [brand drink]. It comes in a glass bottle! Just what I need after practice!”

    (She comes up behind the man and, without warning, slams the bottle down on the hand holding the knife. She slams hard enough to shatter the bottle. He screams, dropping the knife. He grabs for it with his other hand, but she wraps one arm around his throat and puts the broken bottle to the underside of his chin.)

    My Friend: “Don’t even think about it.”

    (I call the police, and the robber is arrested. My friend is warned about using excessive force, and given a lifetime supply of free drinks by my manager.)

    Things I Won’t Miss About The Cafe

    SHOP1

    Developing Arrest

    | Fargo, ND, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work as a supervisor at a bar. Fargo is hosting the ‘North Dakota High School State Wrestling Tournament’ this weekend. I receive a phone call.)

    Me: “[Bar Name], my name is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller #1: “Hi, My Name is [name #1]. I was wondering if you accepted school IDs. I’m from out of town, and grabbed the wrong driver’s license.”

    Me: “Um, well no, because they are not state regulated. You have to have papers if your driver’s license or state ID is clipped.”

    Caller #1: “Well my drivers license is clipped; can I speak to your manager?”

    Me: “I am the supervisor.”

    Caller #1: *click*

    (Two minutes later…)

    Me: “[Bar name], my name is [name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller #2: “Yes, my name is [name #2]. I was wondering if you accepted school IDs. I’m from out of town, and grabbed the wrong driver’s license.”

    Me: “Your name is [name #2]?”

    Caller #2: “Yes.”

    Me: “Is the license you grabbed clipped?”

    Caller #2: “Yes.”

    Me: “Well you need to have your papers issued to you by the state for your clipped drivers license or state ID.”

    (I then hear a hushed voice in the background. It is Caller #2 talking to Caller #1.)

    Caller #2: “[Name #1], what do I do now?”

    Caller #1: “Ask for the manager.”

    (Without letting Caller #2 even ask, I respond.)

    Me: “I am the supervisor.”

    Caller #2: *click*

    (Three minutes later…)

    Me: *sighs* “[Bar name], my name is [name]. I am the supervisor here; how may I help you?”

    Caller #3: “Hi, my name is [name #3]. I was wondering if you accepted school IDs. I’m from out of town, and grabbed the wrong driver’s license.”

    Me: “Are you friends of [name #1] and [name #2]”

    Caller #3: “YES!”

    Me: “Oh, well, hello then. I talked to my general manager, and he says to come by the bar! What time will you three ladies be showing up tonight?”

    Caller #3: *in a hushed voice to Callers #1 and #2* “We are soooo in!” *returning to me* “We will be there at 9:30 sharp.”

    Me: “Well I hope to see you all here tonight.”

    (Later that night, Callers #1, #2, and #3 show up at9:30.)

    Caller #3: “We are here; the supervisor said you accepted student IDs!”

    Me: “Hi! You must be [Callers #1, #2, #3]. Let me see your clipped drivers’ licenses, and student IDs.”

    (I check them. The licenses and student IDs are clearly not theirs. The pictures in each of the girl’s licenses have a different facial structure, and one girl is miraculously missing a birth mark on her chin.)

    Me: “Alright ladies, we have a VIP party in the back. Let me lead you there.”

    Caller #1: *to #2 and #3* “Oh, my God! VIP? This is the best [high school's name] trip ever!”

    (I walk them around the building, with all of their IDs still in my hand.)

    Me: “Alright officers, they’re all yours.”

    (A couple of police officers are waiting for them at the back. As they are being handcuffed, one of the callers has a question.)

    Caller #1: “Can we at least get our IDs back?”

    Officer 1: “You can tell…” *reads names on all three IDs* “…that they can come pick them up at the station. We would like to have a word with them.”

    (To my knowledge, they were processed to scare them, and then released to their parents. The girls on the IDs were charged with ‘furnishing alcohol to minors’, and ‘providing identification to a minor for the sole purpose of obtaining alcohol’.)

    At Lagerheads, Part 3

    | Denver, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work the night shift at an upscale long-term stay hotel. I am delivering all the bills underneath the doors when I encounter a guest holding two beers and a water from my market in the lobby. State law prohibits me from selling alcohol of any kind after midnight.)

    Guest: “Hi. Do you work here?”

    Me: “Yes, I do, sir. How may I help you?”

    Guest: “I just wanted to let you know, I got these from the market. I left a note to charge them to my room, 235.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but I cannot charge those beers. I actually have to take them back, as I’m not allowed to sell alcohol after midnight.”

    Guest: “It’s not that long after midnight.”

    Me: “Sir, it’s almost two in the morning. It’s actually state law, not company policy, so my hands are really tied. Again, I’m sorry.”

    Guest: “Just charge them in the morning.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I really can’t do that. It’s because we sell the beer retail; we don’t serve it.”

    Guest: “This is ridiculous. I’m taking the beers. You can do it just this once. I won’t tell anyone.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry. I have you on camera taking the beer. It would show up on my shift audit, which my manager reviews daily. If I let you take that I will lose my job.”

    Guest: “That’s not my problem; you should have been there when I was taking them out of the cooler.”

    Me: “Sir, if you don’t give me those beers, I’ll be forced to return to my desk and call the police.”

    Guest: “What?! Why?!”

    Me: “You didn’t pay for those beers, and you’re being very belligerent about breaking state law. I know your room number, which means I know your name and have a copy of your ID on file. I suggest you reconsider how thirsty you really are.”

    (He gave me the beers.)

    Related:
    At Lagerheads, Part 2
    At Lagerheads

    This Call Contains No Common Scents

    | USA | Bigotry

    (I’m male, and work in a service call center. A man in his 60s is on the line.)

    Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [company]. This is [name]; how can I help you?”

    Member: “Where are all the pretty girls?”

    Me: “Uh… I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

    Member: “Every time I call, it’s always pretty women on your side.”

    Me: “My apologies. I can talk in falsetto if you would prefer?”

    Member: “No, no. Just put on some perfume and we’ll call it square.”

    (I end up helping him with his reason for calling.)

    Member: “Now don’t forget, something fragrant, but not overpowering as to give them young boys confusing desires.”

    (Considering I am gay, and in no way flamboyant, I find this exceptionally amusing!)

    Page 270/477First...268269270271272...Last