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Bottle, Bottle, On The Wall, Who Is The Dumbest Of Them All

| Huddersfield, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(A customer half staggers inside.)

Customer: “Excuse me mate, where are ya’ beers?”

(I indicate to the left of the till where our alcohol aisle is. I suspect that he might already be intoxicated. I tell him where the alcohol section is, but keep a close eye on him. The customer wanders slowly up the aisle, inspecting our cans and bottles of cheap alcohol. He makes it all the way to the end before stopping. There, he proceeds to stand, facing into the corner, as if he is taking a leak. I get out from behind the till and approach him.)

Me: “Are you alright?”

(The customer jumps, startled, and turns to face me. His eyes are bloodshot, yet he doesn’t smell of alcohol.)

Customer: “Oh yeah! I’m glad you’re here. You see, I want to get these beers here.”

(He points to some beers that he can see on the top shelf in the corner. He paws, like a cat at the glass separating him from the beers.)

Customer: “I can’t get to ’em. So, I was wondering if you could just go in the back, go around, and get ’em for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. You want me to get… those beers?”

Customer: “Yeah! That’s the ones. So, like, if you could just… go around and get them.”

(I stare at him blankly for a couple of seconds, then decide to release the customer of his misery.)

Me: “Mate… that’s a mirror.”

Banshee & Noble

wtf-customer-letter

Weekly Roundup: Math Counts!

Not Always Right | Math & Science, Roundups

Weekly Roundup: Math Counts! In this week’s roundup, we share five stories where math skills don’t add up!

  1. Equivalence, Meet Ignorance (5,254 thumbs up)
  2. The Count Would Be Proud (2,508 thumbs up)
  3. Adventures In The Third Dimension, Part 2 (1,571 thumbs up)
  4. Those Heathens And Their Time-Telling Ways (2,368 thumbs up)
  5. Don’t Count Out The Cost Of Education (1,181 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Barking Up The Wrongest Tree

| San Jose, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I am a veterinary technician. I overhear an elderly client talking to the vet.)

Client: “Oh, Dr. [name], can I ask one more question?”

Vet: “Of course!”

(The client gestures to a picture on the wall of a Dalmatian, sitting amidst a bunch of white cats with small black spots.)

Client: “Is that possible?”

Vet: “If you mean the markings, I’ve never seen a cat with Dalmatian spots. If you mean the dog being able to sit with cats—”

Client: “No, no. Can the dog be the dad, and the cat the mom?”

Vet: “Only with the magic of photoshop.”

Intelligence Is At An All Time Depression

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, History

(We have a lot of customers who come in looking for something for someone else as a gift; however they often have no clue what they are looking for. Just ‘that thing their friend collects’.)

Customer: “What is the name of that red glass?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but can you be any more descriptive?”

Customer: “You know, that red glassware that people collect.”

Me: “Um, ruby flash?”

Customer: “No, no, no. It’s old, and collectible!”

Me: “Is the glass itself dyed red, or is it painted red? Or is it a different base color with red designs?”

Customer: “It’s red. Or pink.”

Me: “Cape Code? Currier and Ives? Vaseline? Murano? I…I really need more information before I can help you.”

Customer: “It’s the name of all the glass! I don’t collect it! My friend does! I want to get her some!”

Me: *trying one more time* “Depression?”

Customer: “DEPRESSION! THANK YOU!”

(The customer walks away without even asking me where it is in the store.)

Coworker: “Um… depression glass means any cheap translucent glass that was made during the Great Depression. It comes in almost any color you can think of, not just red and pink.”

Me: “You want to go explain that to her?”

Coworker: “Nope.”

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