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    Maid of Dishonor

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in a small ‘special occasions’ dress boutique. Today, my customer is a bride, with her bridesmaids, and the bride’s mother. The bride’s sister looks about 16 or 17.)

    Bride’s Sister: “Okay, so I know you’re the one getting married, but I still have to look hot. My dress has to look hot. I have to stand out.”

    Bride: “Well, we’ll have a look at what they have in my colors for my wedding, and see what they have that can be made to flatter all of you. But the only dress that will be different is the maid-of-honor dress, and since you aren’t the maid-of-honor, you’ll be wearing a bridesmaid’s dress.”

    Bride’s Sister: “Okay, first of all, I’m not wearing a dress in your colors. Second, I’m not wearing the same thing these girls are wearing. I have to look like the hottest b**** in the entire room.”

    Bride’s Mother: “No, the bride has to be the center of attention.”

    Bride’s Sister: “Then she has to try to upstage me. That isn’t my problem. My dress has to be gorgeous.”

    Bride: “Fine. You won’t be a bridesmaid then.”

    Bride’s Sister: “MOM!” *stamps her foot* “DO something!”

    (The mother throws up her hands and shakes her head.)

    Bride’s Mother: “I don’t know what you want me to do. You said you wouldn’t wear your sister’s bridesmaid dress, so how can you expect to be a bridesmaid?”

    (The bride’s sister starts throwing a tantrum, and is escorted outside by their mother. The bride looks close to tears, but calms down. She is a dream to work with, and they find beautiful bridesmaid dresses, and a wonderful maid-of-honor dress. The sister comes back in, just in time to see the maid-of-honor dress.)

    Bride’s Sister: “See, that’s perfect. That’s my dress.”

    Bride: “No, that’s the maid-of-honor dress. This is the bridesmaid dress. If you won’t wear it, you can’t be in the wedding. And mom, if she isn’t going to be in the wedding, I want you to go with her when she shops for her dress, and veto anything you know I wouldn’t be okay with.”

    (The bride’s sister starts screaming, and throwing another tantrum. She has to be escorted out. A few months later, the bride, now happily married, comes back to give us thank you cards for putting up with the incident, and because her bridesmaids and maid-of-honor dress turned out so beautifully. I don’t know what became of her sister, but I didn’t see her in any of the wedding photos the bride showed us!)

    Bottle, Bottle, On The Wall, Who Is The Dumbest Of Them All

    | Huddersfield, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (A customer half staggers inside.)

    Customer: “Excuse me mate, where are ya’ beers?”

    (I indicate to the left of the till where our alcohol aisle is. I suspect that he might already be intoxicated. I tell him where the alcohol section is, but keep a close eye on him. The customer wanders slowly up the aisle, inspecting our cans and bottles of cheap alcohol. He makes it all the way to the end before stopping. There, he proceeds to stand, facing into the corner, as if he is taking a leak. I get out from behind the till and approach him.)

    Me: “Are you alright?”

    (The customer jumps, startled, and turns to face me. His eyes are bloodshot, yet he doesn’t smell of alcohol.)

    Customer: “Oh yeah! I’m glad you’re here. You see, I want to get these beers here.”

    (He points to some beers that he can see on the top shelf in the corner. He paws, like a cat at the glass separating him from the beers.)

    Customer: “I can’t get to ‘em. So, I was wondering if you could just go in the back, go around, and get ‘em for me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. You want me to get… those beers?”

    Customer: “Yeah! That’s the ones. So, like, if you could just… go around and get them.”

    (I stare at him blankly for a couple of seconds, then decide to release the customer of his misery.)

    Me: “Mate… that’s a mirror.”

    Banshee & Noble

    wtf-customer-letter

    Weekly Roundup: Math Counts!

    | Not Always Right | Math & Science, Roundups

    Weekly Roundup: Math Counts! In this week’s roundup, we share five stories where math skills don’t add up!

    1. Equivalence, Meet Ignorance (5,254 thumbs up)
    2. The Count Would Be Proud (2,508 thumbs up)
    3. Adventures In The Third Dimension, Part 2 (1,571 thumbs up)
    4. Those Heathens And Their Time-Telling Ways (2,368 thumbs up)
    5. Don’t Count Out The Cost Of Education (1,181 thumbs up)

    PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Barking Up The Wrongest Tree

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I am a veterinary technician. I overhear an elderly client talking to the vet.)

    Client: “Oh, Dr. [name], can I ask one more question?”

    Vet: “Of course!”

    (The client gestures to a picture on the wall of a Dalmatian, sitting amidst a bunch of white cats with small black spots.)

    Client: “Is that possible?”

    Vet: “If you mean the markings, I’ve never seen a cat with Dalmatian spots. If you mean the dog being able to sit with cats—”

    Client: “No, no. Can the dog be the dad, and the cat the mom?”

    Vet: “Only with the magic of photoshop.”

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