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Scanning Ahead

| Helsinki, Finland | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(I work at a second-hand store that mainly sells games and consoles, but also some computers and computer accessories. A customer is standing near the scanners, so I go to help him.)

Me: “Hi there, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need a copier.”

Me: “Unfortunately we don’t carry those.”

Customer: “What about these?”

Me: “Those are scanners.”

Customer: “You can make copies with those?”

Me: “In a way, yes. You can scan an image, print it and you’ll have a copy. It’s an okay method if you only need a few copies once in a while. For big volumes it’s not really that great unless you have a really good printer.”

Customer: “I don’t have a printer.”

Me: “Well a scanner won’t be a good solution as a copier then, unless you buy a printer also. We don’t carry printers unfortunately, since used printers are very unreliable.”

Customer: “That is just stupid! What is the point of this copy machine if you need other machines with it also?”

Me: “That is a scanner. Its purpose is to convert documents and images to a form that a computer can—”

Customer: “Wait! Why are you talking about computers? I don’t have a computer and I don’t want one! I see what you’re doing. You just want to make me buy useless stuff I don’t need!”

Me: “I can assure you—”

Customer: “You can assure me of nothing! I’ll take that one.”

(The customer points to the cheapest scanner, smiling smugly.)

Me: “You will have absolutely no use for that without a computer. And I must point out that we are not required to give refunds on functioning products. You really should not buy that.”

Customer: “I’ll take it!”

(The customer grabs the scanner and walks towards the check out. I follow him, and before the cashier rings him through I stop him for a moment.)

Me: “Sir, again I advise you not to buy the scanner, and again I’m informing you we will not be taking it back unless it’s broken. It’s a lot of extra work for taking back functioning products. We need to do some paperwork and test the product again before reselling it. So please, for all our sakes, don’t buy it.”

Customer: “Here’s the money!”

(The customer pays and leaves. I put a notice in our system not to take the scanner back unless it’s really broken. A few days later, I’m called from the office to the cash registers, and there he is; the same customer.)

Customer: “This here piece of s*** you sold me doesn’t work! I want my money back.”

Me: “How is it broken?”

Customer: “Completely! It doesn’t do anything!”

Me: “So I won’t be able to scan anything with it?”

Customer: “No you won’t!”

(We have a testing computer set up on the buy-in counter. I go through the process of hooking up the scanner while the customer watches. With a pen I write something on a blank paper, scan it and print out the scan. I hand the two papers to the customer. It says “No refund” on both papers.)

Me: “Seems to be working fine.”

(The customer grabs the scanner and storms out. We watch him as he throws the scanner to the pavement and shatters it, jumps into his car, and speeds off.)

Are You Satisfied?

Extras

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You Say Tomato, I Say Epinephrine

| ON, Canada | Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I am on a lunch date with my boyfriend, talking to a waitress.)

Me: “I’d like no tomatoes on my sandwich please; I am allergic.”

(This is a lie; it’s just to ensure they don’t end up on my sandwich.)

Waitress: “Is your allergy mild, major, or severe?”

Me: “Major.”

Waitress: “Okay, and you wanted the fries with that? Would you like ketchup or cajun mayo for dipping?”

Me: “Ketchup.”

Waitress: “Of course. Our manager may stop by your table to discuss your allergy with you.”

(The waitress leaves.)

Me: *to my boyfriend* “Why would the manager talk to me?”

Boyfriend: “You said you were allergic to tomatoes. But you ordered ketchup with your fries.”

Me: “…Oh. S***!”

(I walk up to the waitress, who has just finished talking on the phone.)

Me: “Was that the manager you were just talking to?”

Waitress: “Yes.”

Me: “I’m really sorry; I’m not actually allergic to them. I just wanted to make sure they absolutely didn’t end up there; I despise raw tomato. But then I went and ordered ketchup with my fries, which was really stupid.”

Waitress: *laughs* “I’ve seen stupider. Don’t worry about it; there won’t be any tomato on your sandwich.”

Related:
You Say Potato, I Say Epinephrine

About To Get Charged For No Charge

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(My boss is helping a customer who is looking for a battery for his digital camera.)

Boss: “That will be $59.99 plus tax.”

Customer: “What! That’s crazy! I’ve only had this camera for a week, and the battery is already dead. Are you telling me I’m going to have to spend $60 every time it dies?”

Boss: “Only a week? The battery might be defective. How long did you leave it on the charger?”

Customer: “Charger? Um…”

(The customer grabs his ‘dead’ battery, and heads for the door.)

Customer: “I was never here.”

(My boss manages to wait until the customer is out of the store before cracking up.)

Maid of Dishonor

| USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(I work in a small ‘special occasions’ dress boutique. Today, my customer is a bride, with her bridesmaids, and the bride’s mother. The bride’s sister looks about 16 or 17.)

Bride’s Sister: “Okay, so I know you’re the one getting married, but I still have to look hot. My dress has to look hot. I have to stand out.”

Bride: “Well, we’ll have a look at what they have in my colors for my wedding, and see what they have that can be made to flatter all of you. But the only dress that will be different is the maid-of-honor dress, and since you aren’t the maid-of-honor, you’ll be wearing a bridesmaid’s dress.”

Bride’s Sister: “Okay, first of all, I’m not wearing a dress in your colors. Second, I’m not wearing the same thing these girls are wearing. I have to look like the hottest b**** in the entire room.”

Bride’s Mother: “No, the bride has to be the center of attention.”

Bride’s Sister: “Then she has to try to upstage me. That isn’t my problem. My dress has to be gorgeous.”

Bride: “Fine. You won’t be a bridesmaid then.”

Bride’s Sister: “MOM!” *stamps her foot* “DO something!”

(The mother throws up her hands and shakes her head.)

Bride’s Mother: “I don’t know what you want me to do. You said you wouldn’t wear your sister’s bridesmaid dress, so how can you expect to be a bridesmaid?”

(The bride’s sister starts throwing a tantrum, and is escorted outside by their mother. The bride looks close to tears, but calms down. She is a dream to work with, and they find beautiful bridesmaid dresses, and a wonderful maid-of-honor dress. The sister comes back in, just in time to see the maid-of-honor dress.)

Bride’s Sister: “See, that’s perfect. That’s my dress.”

Bride: “No, that’s the maid-of-honor dress. This is the bridesmaid dress. If you won’t wear it, you can’t be in the wedding. And mom, if she isn’t going to be in the wedding, I want you to go with her when she shops for her dress, and veto anything you know I wouldn’t be okay with.”

(The bride’s sister starts screaming, and throwing another tantrum. She has to be escorted out. A few months later, the bride, now happily married, comes back to give us thank you cards for putting up with the incident, and because her bridesmaids and maid-of-honor dress turned out so beautifully. I don’t know what became of her sister, but I didn’t see her in any of the wedding photos the bride showed us!)

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