November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Archive for 2013

Jump to page:

He Wants Coffee As Dense As He Is

| NY, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science

Me: “Here is your coffee, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, could you add more milk to that?”

Me: “Sure.”

(Since the coffee cup is already full, I walk over to the sink to pour a little out before adding more milk.)

Customer: “Stop that! I didn’t say to pour any out!”

Me: “Sir, the cup was full. In order to add more milk, I have to pour a little coffee out.”

Customer: “You should obey what your customers tell you!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but sometimes I have to obey the laws of physics instead.”

Insulting Jitsu, And Then It Hits You

| CO, USA | At The Checkout, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I work near a campus which is currently in finals-week, so quite a few students come in early to get a pick-me-up before their exams. Five customers are in line; four regulars, followed by an impatient customer at the end. )

Impatient Customer: “Gods! Why can’t this b**** work the cash register faster? I’ve got some important things to do!”

Regular #1: “Calm down, buddy. She’s doing just fine.”

Regular #3: “Yeah. Like what you have to do is important to any of us.”

Regular #4: “Seriously. We’re all in a hurry here.”

Impatient Customer: “Yeah? Well, he’s not!”

(The impatient customer points at Regular #2.)

Impatient Customer: “I’m getting in front of him!”

(Regular #2 is very young, and looks like a college student at first glance. He also always comes in looking like he’s asleep, but gets in and out with no problem.)

Impatient Customer: “This dumb-a** probably stayed up all night cramming for his test! Stop leaving s*** until the last second dumb-a**!”

(The impatient customer starts forcing his way forward. As soon as he touches Regular #2, there is a blur of motion, and the impatient customer is flying towards a display. Another blur of motion occurs, and Regular #2 is standing in front of the display and the impatient customer is on the floor near the door instead.)

Regulars #1, #3 And #4: “What just happened?!”

Regular #2: “I didn’t want him crashing into the display and causing more work for this little lady here.”

Me: “[Regular #2’s name] has practiced martial arts since he was eight. He helps out at [local dojo I go to].”

Regular #2: *to the impatient customer* “Also, aren’t you the lead for [name] with [company name]?”

Impatient Customer: “How’d you know that?”

Regular #2: “Because I’m the developer for the product you’ve requested from [other company name]. I’m going to be so glad to tell your boss this product isn’t viable, because his lead is impossible to work with. I do hope you enjoy your wait in line, because I’m going to personally make your workday miserable.”

A Bit Light On Being Polite

| Yonkers, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(I’m buying an item that offers certain customization options, and I’ve requested that mine have quite a bit of work done. I’ve made a few mistakes explaining what I want, and each one means the employee has to start from the very beginning.)

Employee: “Okay, I think it’s finally right. Can you take a look and confirm that all this is what you want?”

(The employee shows me the screen.)

Me: “Yeah, yeah, whoops. Sorry, this is wrong.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, my mistake. Let me see if I can void that one item—”

(The terminal goes black.)

Employee: “MOTHERF—whoops! Sorry, shouldn’t have said that.”

Me: “I’m sorry that my order is causing so much trouble.”

Employee: “Dude, you have no freaking idea. I don’t care if your order takes an hour, you’re actually being patient. I’m going to do what it takes to make sure you get everything the way you want it.”

Me: “I hope being minimally polite isn’t something that stands out so much from the—”

(There’s a crash from the next checkout counter.)

Other Employee: “But, sir, I ran the card four times, and it got rejected each time—”

Customer: *holding an item and smashing it into the counter* “RUN THE F****** CARD! IT’S MINE!”

Other Employee: “I never said it wasn’t yours!”

Employee: “What was that about being polite?”

Single Mom’s Are Okay



History Is Never Old News

| Barrington, RI, USA | History, Technology, Top

(I am working in the print department of an office-supply store. An older customer comes in with a folder of very old newspaper articles.)

Customer: “Hello, young lady. I was just wondering if you could make some copies of these articles for me. They are getting old and I would like to preserve them.”

Me: “Of course!”

Customer: “Thank you very much. If you don’t mind, I’m going to go look around while you do this.”

(I agree, and he hands me the articles. I can see that it is an article about a man who was killed during World War Two. In one of the articles, it shows a picture of the deceased man holding a baby. As the customer has requested, I make copies of the articles that are beginning to fray, rip, and yellow. After making the copies, I quickly laminate them in order to keep them really preserved. The customer comes back.)

Me: “So you know, sir, I noticed that the articles you had were starting to rip, and I assumed that was why you were making the copies. When I finished the copies, I laminated them for you.”

Customer: “I appreciate that young lady, but I can’t afford the lamination.”

Me: “I like history, and I think historical documents are very important to keep. The lamination is free of charge!”

(The customer begins to cry.)

Me: “Sir, are you alright?”

Customer: “Yes, yes. Do you see this baby in this picture? This was me when I was just a few days old. This was the only time my father ever held me before he died. This is all I have to remember him by, and you just helped me to keep them preserved so I can keep his memory alive. Miss, please… can I give you a hug?”

Me: “Of course!”

(He gives me the warmest hug I have ever experienced.)

Customer: “Thank you, miss. You have no idea how happy you just made an old man.”

(I am also crying, due to the joy I gave this customer by taking two seconds to laminate his articles. After pulling away from him, I notice that my manager is also beginning to cry.)

Manager: “Sir, these copies are on the store. Have a nice day, and come see us if you ever need anything else.”

(The customer leaves with a huge smile on his face, and my manager and I are both cheery for the rest of the day. When I arrive at work the next day, I find a small bouquet of flowers sitting on my desk with a note from the customer.)

Note From The Customer: “I picked these flowers for you from my garden. They aren’t much, but I was hoping I could brighten your day as much as you brightened mine.”

(I still have that note, along with one of the flowers that I kept and pressed in a scrap book. I will never forget that man, and the father he never knew.)