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    Archive for 2013

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    Going Loco(motive)

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Top, Transportation

    (I work security at a light rail. The last light rail heading south comes through my station at 11:38 pm. It is currently 11:50 pm.)

    Patron: “Excuse me, officer, when is the next light rail heading south supposed to come?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, the last light rail heading south left at 11:38. There are no more running till tomorrow morning at 5:30 am.”

    Patron: “Bull-s***! I always catch the light rail later than this. You are full of s***! Just tell me when the next one is coming.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, their are no more coming tonight. I have been working at this particular station for six months, and can assure you that no more are coming tonight.”

    Patron: “Well, how the h*** are you getting home?”

    Me: “Well sir, when my shift ends, I drive myself home.”

    Patron: “Well, you’re gonna have to drive me home then.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, I will not be able to do that. If you would like I can call you a cab. But there are no more light rails heading south tonight.”

    Patron: “Aren’t you security? You have to give me a ride home. It’s not my fault the f****** light rail stopped running early. Give me a f****** ride home.”

    Me: “No, sir, I will not give you a ride home. Unfortunately there are no light rails running south anymore, and if you are not catching the light rail north or east, I am going to have to ask you to leave, due to a no loitering law on the light rail stations.”

    Patron: “Bull-s***! I ain’t going nowhere if you don’t give me a ride!”

    Me: “Sir, if you refuse to leave, I am going to be forced to radio the light rail police.”

    Patron: “Call the mother-f****** police. I don’t give a f***!”

    (I go through with his “request” to call the police. When they arrive, he demands they give him a ride, and continues to refuse to leave. They end up giving him a ride—to jail.)

    Tame Your Customers

    dumb customer true stories (I)

    Saved From Traffic, Not Trafficking

    | OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Top

    (I work in the parking lot, helping customers load their vehicles and push carts back to where they belong. I am the only one out on the lot at the moment. A boy runs out into the lot next to me, into the middle of the road.)

    Boy: “Die bug!”

    (I see something moving out of the corner of my eye. When I look, there’s a car driving very fast through the lot. It is heading straight for the boy.)

    Me: “Oh, crap!”

    (I run into the road, pick up the child, and dive out of the way. I use my body as a cushion for him. My back hits a rack of plants, knocking them over, and sending pain through my back. The boy’s mother comes rushing over.)

    Boy’s Mother: “Oh, my God! WHAT THE H*** ARE YOU DOING WITH MY CHILD!?”

    Me: “First of all, I’m okay, and so is he. Second of all, he just about got ran over.”

    (I painfully stand up, and let the child go to his mother, who clings to her.)

    Boy’s Mother: “I want to see your manager now!”

    Me: “Certainly, ma’am.”

    (I go and find my manager, and explain to her what happened. The manager understands and goes to the service desk where the boy and his mother now wait. I follow behind and listen in.)

    Manager: “So, I hear you have a problem with one of my employees?”

    Boy’s Mother: “You’re d*** right I do! He tried to steal my baby!”

    Manager: “I assure you that’s not what happened. From what my employee has told me, he saw the child run into the street, chasing a bug. He noticed a car driving at unsafe speeds through the parking lot at the child.”

    Boy’s Mother: “That’s what he wants you to think!! I saw no car!”

    Manager: “What happened when you noticed my employee with your child?”

    Boy’s Mother: “He knocked over the plant racks out front with his back!”

    Manager: “And he did this while holding your child?”

    Boy’s Mother: “YES! You get it!”

    Manager: “Not quite. Follow me with this please. Why would my employee do that when he has the most chance of getting caught? It would draw a lot of attention to himself.”

    Boy’s Mother: “He… he was… I don’t know.”

    Manager: “The only reason I could think of him doing that is if he had to get out of the way of something fast. Or, if your child was in danger of being hit by a car going 40 miles per hour through the parking lot.”

    Boy’s Mother: “Well maybe you should control the cars speeding through your lot more! Hmph!”

    (She takes her son and walks out in a huff. Later on, at the end of my shift, the mother and her son approach me on the way out.)

    Boy’s Mother: “There you are! I’ve been looking for you!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I promise you; I wasn’t trying to kidnap your child!”

    Boy’s Mother: “I know that. But my son has something to say to you.”

    Boy: “Thank you for saving my life.”

    (He hands me a thank you card.)

    Me: “No problem, little man. Promise me something?”

    Boy: “Okay?”

    Me: “Don’t go playing in the street. When you go somewhere, stay next to your mom. That’s the safest place you can be. Can you do that?”

    Boy: “I promise!”

    Boy’s Mother: “Thank you again. I can’t thank you enough. I also came back to talk to your manager. Are you on lunch?”

    Me: “I’m off work now, actually.”

    Boy’s Mother: “Good, then I can make it a surprise!”

    (The mother walks into the store. I wonder what she means, but I figure I’ll find out the next day, and go home. The next day, I open up the store, and find out from my manager that someone gave me a glowing review of my work ethics!)

    Putting The Loin In Tenderloin

    | Germany | Food & Drink, Themed Giveaway, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a female butcher. The butchery/preparation room is separated from the service area. I bring out a customer their meat, which is a whole beef tenderloin. It comes to almost 49€ per kilo. A moment later the sales girl comes into the preparation room.)

    Sales Girl: “Hey, you just sold the customer some tenderloin for over 100€, right?”

    Me: “Yes I did; is there a problem? He wanted the whole tenderloin.”

    Sales Girl: “He’s saying he never ordered anything. The store manager just grabbed him at the register, because he knew that customer bought something, but he didn’t pay for anything.”

    Me: “Oh, but I sold him the whole tenderloin, and it’s vacuum-packed.”

    (The store manager walks up to the counter, with the customer in question. One of the customer’s trouser legs is a bit more ‘filled’ than the other.)

    Customer: “She’s lying! I never bought anything!”

    Me: “Sir, I sold you a whole beef tenderloin. And… I think you hid it in your trousers.”

    (The customer denies, but the store manager threatens to call the police. The customer drops his pants in front of all employees and customers. He pulls out the whole tenderloin, still vacuum packed, and throws it into my face, then storms out. We get rid of the package pretty fast, and I get an icepack for my nose!)

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 19

    | ME, USA | Money

    (I am helping a customer set up service at a new address for a friend of hers. I have to collect her installation charge, first month, and a deposit upfront.)

    Me: “Alright, I just need the total of $123.”

    (The customer hands me a $20 bill and two $10 bills.)

    Customer: “There, that should cover it.”

    Me: “Oh, I only have $40 here, ma’am. I need $123.”

    Customer: “Yep, it should all be there!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; there’s not enough here yet.”

    (The customer digs into her pocket, and hands me some more cash.)

    Me: “Thank you. That’s only $3 more though. I still need $80.”

    Customer: *grunts* “Alright fine, but now I’m giving you my money!

    Me: “Alright thank you, but now I still only have $46. I still need $77 more.”

    Customer: “Okay, give me all the money back.”

    (I hand the customer the money back, and she takes out a wad of cash. She pulls out three $20 bills, and hands them to me.)

    Customer: “There! Should have it all now!”

    (The customer is beaming with pride at finding what she thinks is the right amount.)

    Me: “You know, I think we can just bill you for the rest of it.”

    Customer: “Gah! Give the money back again!”

    (I hand the money back, and the customer searches around for a moment, and hands me a $100 bill.)

    Me: “Great! I just need $23 more.”

    (The customer hands me a $20 bill, and then stares at me.)

    Me: “Good, just another $3.”

    (The customer hands me three $1 bills again.)

    Me: “Perfect! Here’s your receipt; we’ll see you on Friday!”

    (The customer leaves, and I search the office for hidden cameras.)

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 18
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 17
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12


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