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    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 14

    | Greenville, SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Top

    (I work in computer technical support for an international electronics company. I am a soft spoken female technician with a ‘young’ sounding voice. As a result, I tend to have a hard time being taken seriously by certain customers.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]; my name is [name]. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Oh, I didn’t need customer service; I need technical support.”

    Me: “Yes sir, you’ve reached technical support. What product is it that I can help you with today?”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I need a tech to help me with this issue. I’m sure you think you know what you’re doing, but if you’d like to put me on hold and transfer me to a male tech, I’d be happy to hold.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, I’m not allowed to transfer you back into our waiting queue. I assure you, sir, I’ll be able to help you with your issue if you can give me some information. If you’d prefer to speak with a male tech, you can disconnect the call and try again.”

    Customer: “No, no I don’t want to do that. Alright, fine, can you help me connect my printer to my wireless connection then?”

    Me: “Of course, I’d be happy to assist you with that today. Can you give me the model code on your printer so I can look that model up?”

    Customer: *gives model number*

    Me: “Does that model code have any letters at the end of it? Perhaps an ‘N’ or a ‘W’?”

    Customer: “Ma’am, I assure you; I know how to read a model code. There are no letters at the end of the code on this printer.”

    Me: “Alright, sir, I think I see the issue. It appears that this isn’t a wireless or networkable model. Our printer models designate network models with an ‘N’ at the end of the model code, and wireless models with a ‘W’. I can help you connect it to your computer through USB, but this model will not be able to be connected wirelessly or through a network.”

    Customer: ”Look, I’m not stupid! I know this is a wireless printer; and I want to connect it to my network! If you can’t tell me how to do that, then transfer me to a man who can!”

    Me: “Do you mind if we check a couple of things on that printer, sir, just to be sure? Can you look and see if there’s an ethernet port on the back of your printer? It’ll look like—”

    Customer: “I know what an ethernet port looks like; I’m an IT professional! I work with networks all day, and this printer does not have an ethernet port on it!”

    Me: “I understand, can you look for one more thing for me? Can you see if there’s a wireless light on the top of the printer? It would be marked as either wireless or with a symbol that looks like—”

    Customer: “No! There’s no wireless light on this printer! It doesn’t need a wireless light, it says right on the box that it’s wireless! Now can you help me connect it or not?”

    Me: “Sir, can you read me the part of the box that shows this is a wireless printer?”

    Customer: “It’s right here! It says: ‘Easy one step wireless setup available on models—’… Oh… I uh… does this mean I’m going to have to buy a new printer?”

    Related:
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 13
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 12
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 11

    Diabetes Meets Rabies

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (A customer is picking up some diabetic test-strips, and I am ringing him up.)

    Me: “How are you doing today, sir?”

    Customer: “I’m alright; how about yourself?”

    Me: “I’m doing great, thanks. Did you have any questions for the pharmacist?”

    (The customer gestures at the test strips, jokingly.)

    Customer: “Yeah, do I really have to poke myself for these to work?”

    Me: “Yep, I’m afraid so.”

    Customer: “Can’t I just poke you instead?”

    Me: *laughing* “Sorry, I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way, sir.”

    (The customer gestures at my multiple facial piercings.)

    Customer: “You look like the type that would enjoy that, though.”

    Me: “Your doctor might have a problem with that, though.”

    (When a customer picks up a prescription, they’re required by law to sign, stating that they’ve received it. Our pharmacy does this through an electronic prompt. The customer looks at it.)

    Customer: “What’s this?”

    Me: “It’s just a way to say that you’ve gotten your prescription. That way there’s no confusion later. It’s as much for your protection as ours really.”

    Customer: “Well what happens if I don’t sign it?”

    Me: “Then unfortunately, we’re not allowed to give you your prescriptions.”

    Customer: “WELL I GUESS I’M NOT GETTING ANYTHING TODAY!”

    (The customer THROWS the electronic pen across the counter, hitting me in the face. He turns, and practically skips away. The pharmacist and I aren’t sure if he is joking, but by the end of the day he still hasn’t come back!)

    A Gruel-ing Customer, Part 2

    | OR, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Money

    (I am the supervisor on duty at a soup and sandwich shop. It is in the evening, so we are very slow. I am counting down one of the tills, while my coworker is ringing up a customer. The customer completes his order, and it is handed out to him a few minutes later.)

    Customer: *to my co-worker* “Um, miss, I ordered soup, and there is no soup in here.”

    (My coworker pulls up the receipt to double-check, though we both know he did not order any soup.)

    Coworker: “I apologize; you did not order the soup. However, I can have it out to you in just a moment. I’ll add it to your sandwich so you will only have to pay the combo price of one dollar for it.”

    Customer: “I don’t have enough money for that. I think I should get it free.”

    (My coworker glances at me awkwardly, so I decide to step in.)

    Me: “Sir, she is just adding on the amount you would have paid had you included the soup in your first order. If you order a sandwich, soup is just a dollar extra. So she is only charging you what you would have been charged in the first place.”

    Customer: “I understand that, but it wasn’t in my first order so I shouldn’t have to pay for it. Plus I don’t have enough to pay for it.”

    Me: “Sir, I was standing here for your entire order. No one else has ordered since you. While I understand it was a simple mistake, you did not order soup. However, we are not charging you full price which would be $2.50 for a cup of soup; we are charging you a dollar. So to be fair, you are still getting the same deal you would have gotten.”

    Customer: “Right. But I only have the $7.50 for the sandwich.”

    Me: “…so no matter what, you wouldn’t have been able to afford the soup?”

    Customer: “Right. But you didn’t include it in the first order, so I want it free.”

    Me: “But if you had ordered it in your first order, you wouldn’t have been able to afford it. We would not have been able to include it anyway.”

    Customer: “Look. This isn’t hard. I just want the soup for free.”

    Me: “I’m just supposed to give you soup free because you can’t afford it?”

    Customer: “Will it help if I tell you my friend is sick, and she really wants this soup?”

    Me: “Not at this point, sorry.”

    Customer: “Fine, whatever…”

    Related:
    A Gruel-ing Customer

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    The Female Of The Species Is More Playful Than The Male

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | Rude & Risque

    (Our store has a name that could easily be that of an adult establishment. I happened to be in the back room when a customer calls.)

    Me: “[Store Name], how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, do you have any male toys?”

    Me: “‘Mail’ as in toys that go in the mail, or toys for boys?”

    Caller: “Toys that go in the mail.”

    Me: “Well, we have a toy that can be sent like a postcard, otherwise—”

    Caller: “No, not toys that go in the M-A-I-L, toys that go in the M-A-L-E!”

    Me: “Uh… we sell children’s toys.”

    Caller: “Oh, oh darn! We’re looking for adult toys!”

    (The customer yells to someone not on the line.)

    Caller: “Hey Billy, they don’t have ‘em!”

    Me: “Good luck in your search!”

    (I am very glad it was me who answered, and not my younger, more innocent coworker!)

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