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Diabetes Meets Rabies

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(A customer is picking up some diabetic test-strips, and I am ringing him up.)

Me: “How are you doing today, sir?”

Customer: “I’m alright; how about yourself?”

Me: “I’m doing great, thanks. Did you have any questions for the pharmacist?”

(The customer gestures at the test strips, jokingly.)

Customer: “Yeah, do I really have to poke myself for these to work?”

Me: “Yep, I’m afraid so.”

Customer: “Can’t I just poke you instead?”

Me: *laughing* “Sorry, I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way, sir.”

(The customer gestures at my multiple facial piercings.)

Customer: “You look like the type that would enjoy that, though.”

Me: “Your doctor might have a problem with that, though.”

(When a customer picks up a prescription, they’re required by law to sign, stating that they’ve received it. Our pharmacy does this through an electronic prompt. The customer looks at it.)

Customer: “What’s this?”

Me: “It’s just a way to say that you’ve gotten your prescription. That way there’s no confusion later. It’s as much for your protection as ours really.”

Customer: “Well what happens if I don’t sign it?”

Me: “Then unfortunately, we’re not allowed to give you your prescriptions.”


(The customer THROWS the electronic pen across the counter, hitting me in the face. He turns, and practically skips away. The pharmacist and I aren’t sure if he is joking, but by the end of the day he still hasn’t come back!)

A Gruel-ing Customer, Part 2

| OR, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Money

(I am the supervisor on duty at a soup and sandwich shop. It is in the evening, so we are very slow. I am counting down one of the tills, while my coworker is ringing up a customer. The customer completes his order, and it is handed out to him a few minutes later.)

Customer: *to my co-worker* “Um, miss, I ordered soup, and there is no soup in here.”

(My coworker pulls up the receipt to double-check, though we both know he did not order any soup.)

Coworker: “I apologize; you did not order the soup. However, I can have it out to you in just a moment. I’ll add it to your sandwich so you will only have to pay the combo price of one dollar for it.”

Customer: “I don’t have enough money for that. I think I should get it free.”

(My coworker glances at me awkwardly, so I decide to step in.)

Me: “Sir, she is just adding on the amount you would have paid had you included the soup in your first order. If you order a sandwich, soup is just a dollar extra. So she is only charging you what you would have been charged in the first place.”

Customer: “I understand that, but it wasn’t in my first order so I shouldn’t have to pay for it. Plus I don’t have enough to pay for it.”

Me: “Sir, I was standing here for your entire order. No one else has ordered since you. While I understand it was a simple mistake, you did not order soup. However, we are not charging you full price which would be $2.50 for a cup of soup; we are charging you a dollar. So to be fair, you are still getting the same deal you would have gotten.”

Customer: “Right. But I only have the $7.50 for the sandwich.”

Me: “…so no matter what, you wouldn’t have been able to afford the soup?”

Customer: “Right. But you didn’t include it in the first order, so I want it free.”

Me: “But if you had ordered it in your first order, you wouldn’t have been able to afford it. We would not have been able to include it anyway.”

Customer: “Look. This isn’t hard. I just want the soup for free.”

Me: “I’m just supposed to give you soup free because you can’t afford it?”

Customer: “Will it help if I tell you my friend is sick, and she really wants this soup?”

Me: “Not at this point, sorry.”

Customer: “Fine, whatever…”

A Gruel-ing Customer

Smart Fake Caller



The Female Of The Species Is More Playful Than The Male

| Anchorage, AK, USA | Rude & Risque

(Our store has a name that could easily be that of an adult establishment. I happened to be in the back room when a customer calls.)

Me: “[Store Name], how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, do you have any male toys?”

Me: “‘Mail’ as in toys that go in the mail, or toys for boys?”

Caller: “Toys that go in the mail.”

Me: “Well, we have a toy that can be sent like a postcard, otherwise—”

Caller: “No, not toys that go in the M-A-I-L, toys that go in the M-A-L-E!”

Me: “Uh… we sell children’s toys.”

Caller: “Oh, oh darn! We’re looking for adult toys!”

(The customer yells to someone not on the line.)

Caller: “Hey Billy, they don’t have ’em!”

Me: “Good luck in your search!”

(I am very glad it was me who answered, and not my younger, more innocent coworker!)

No Catches Get Pasteurize

| WI, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money

(Our store sells pints of ice cream.)

Customer: “I’ll take three pints of vanilla.”

Me: “Well, we currently have a special running, so you can have four pints for the price of three. What would you like for your fourth pint?”

Customer: “So if I get one more pint it won’t cost me any more money?”

Me: “Yep!”

Customer: “Well, I don’t do deals. It’s obvious that if you buy something on sale it’s because the original price is already inflated. So I only buy things at regular price.”

Me: “Umm, well it would be the same price, so it would be a better value to have four.”

Customer: “Well, I know there’s some catch somewhere! Only give me three.”

Me: “Umm, okay, as you wish.”

Customer: “Good! I won’t have you ripping me off!”

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