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Digging A Conversational Hole A Rabbit Could Fit Into

| Germany | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque, Top

(I am checking out a young couple’s weekly groceries. I overhear their exchange.)

Girl #1: *puts massive pack of batteries onto the conveyor belt*

Girl #2: “Wait, that’s really expensive! What do we even need batteries for?”

Girl #1: *glances nervously at me* “They’re for the TV remote.”

Girl #2: “Oh, I didn’t realise the batteries in the remote had run out. Do we need that many though? I mean what else do we have that even uses batter— Oh…”

Color Me Surprised

| Hanover, MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Technology

(I work in the copy center of a large chain store. A couple comes in and ask for a copy of an ID card, and social security card. I make the copy, and bring it over to the counter where they are standing.)

Me: “Here you go. Does everything look alright?”

Customer: “Oh wow, you can print in color? I didn’t even know you could print in color!”

Me: “Yes, we can.”

Customer: “Wow, so is it the paper?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Like, is it the paper that makes it print in color?”

Me: *a little baffled* “No… it’s actually the ink.”

Customer: That’s crazy! It looks just like the real thing!”

Cart Thief

| Denver, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

(I am helping a customer load a large item into their truck. They will need twine to secure their large kennel.)

Me: “Okay, I will be back with twine.”

(When I come back out, I see that they have used my cart rope to secure their load.)

Me: “You can’t use that; I need it to push carts.”

Customer: “It’s okay; we’ll bring it back.”

Me: “No, I need it to push carts.”

Customer: “Let me talk to your manager.”

(I get my manager.)

Manager: “We have twine; the cart pushers need that to push their carts.”

Customer: “Twine isn’t as good though.”

Manager: “I’m sorry; I cannot claim liability. That is a device to secure carts; you cannot use that to safely secure loads. Please give it back.”

Customer: “Okay, fine!”

(I go to get my rope, but the customer just drives off! The next week is really busy, and we’ve run out of carts. This leaves the customers having to wait for cart pushers to bring back carts, or to go into the parking lot and find it themselves. We cannot send more than three cart pushers, because we do not have enough rope. I see the same customer waiting while I am taking a break.)

Customer: “What is wrong with you! There are no carts! This is no time to stand around while people are waiting. How come you guys don’t know to send more people!”

Me: “Well, sir, I’ve been pushing carts for two hours, and I need to stay hydrated. And besides, someone, if you remember took our rope. Therefore, we can only send three people out to carts.”

(The customer doesn’t know what to say. He gives me a dirty look, and starts to walk away. He runs into my manager.)

Customer: “Your employee is accusing me of stealing your ropes! You guys are so incompetent! You can’t even get your s*** together and get carts!”

Manager: “I told you last week to not take our ropes. Get out of my store; I don’t want to see you here anymore.”

(The customer kicks a cart on the way out and speeds off. As he does, I can still see he hasn’t unloaded the kennel, and it’s still secured with the rope.)

Be A Good Customer



Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 14

| Greenville, SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Top

(I work in computer technical support for an international electronics company. I am a soft spoken female technician with a ‘young’ sounding voice. As a result, I tend to have a hard time being taken seriously by certain customers.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]; my name is [name]. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t need customer service; I need technical support.”

Me: “Yes sir, you’ve reached technical support. What product is it that I can help you with today?”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I need a tech to help me with this issue. I’m sure you think you know what you’re doing, but if you’d like to put me on hold and transfer me to a male tech, I’d be happy to hold.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I’m not allowed to transfer you back into our waiting queue. I assure you, sir, I’ll be able to help you with your issue if you can give me some information. If you’d prefer to speak with a male tech, you can disconnect the call and try again.”

Customer: “No, no I don’t want to do that. Alright, fine, can you help me connect my printer to my wireless connection then?”

Me: “Of course, I’d be happy to assist you with that today. Can you give me the model code on your printer so I can look that model up?”

Customer: *gives model number*

Me: “Does that model code have any letters at the end of it? Perhaps an ‘N’ or a ‘W’?”

Customer: “Ma’am, I assure you; I know how to read a model code. There are no letters at the end of the code on this printer.”

Me: “Alright, sir, I think I see the issue. It appears that this isn’t a wireless or networkable model. Our printer models designate network models with an ‘N’ at the end of the model code, and wireless models with a ‘W’. I can help you connect it to your computer through USB, but this model will not be able to be connected wirelessly or through a network.”

Customer: ”Look, I’m not stupid! I know this is a wireless printer; and I want to connect it to my network! If you can’t tell me how to do that, then transfer me to a man who can!”

Me: “Do you mind if we check a couple of things on that printer, sir, just to be sure? Can you look and see if there’s an ethernet port on the back of your printer? It’ll look like—”

Customer: “I know what an ethernet port looks like; I’m an IT professional! I work with networks all day, and this printer does not have an ethernet port on it!”

Me: “I understand, can you look for one more thing for me? Can you see if there’s a wireless light on the top of the printer? It would be marked as either wireless or with a symbol that looks like—”

Customer: “No! There’s no wireless light on this printer! It doesn’t need a wireless light, it says right on the box that it’s wireless! Now can you help me connect it or not?”

Me: “Sir, can you read me the part of the box that shows this is a wireless printer?”

Customer: “It’s right here! It says: ‘Easy one step wireless setup available on models—’… Oh… I uh… does this mean I’m going to have to buy a new printer?”

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 13
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 12
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 11