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    Archive for 2013

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    A Leftist Agenda

    | MA, USA | Bizarre

    (I am filling out a form to refill my medication. A fellow customer, here for a flu shot, sits down next to me. Note that I’m left-handed.)

    Customer: “Woah! How are you doing that with your left hand?”

    Me: “I’m left-handed.”

    Customer: “Don’t you people like, flip around letters?”

    Me: “No, can’t say I do. I think you’re thinking of dyslexia, which some left-handed people have.”

    Customer: “Huh…”

    (The customer notices that I’m writing with a gel pen.)

    Customer: “Wait… you people can’t use gel pens! How do you write with that?”

    Me: “Carefully.”

    Customer: “What would happen if you used your right hand? Would it, like, work?”

    Me: “Well, for most of us, no. My left hand is like your right hand, and my right hand is like your left hand. You could probably use your left hand if you had to, but it’s not ideal. The same goes for me with my right hand.”

    Customer: “That’s so weird! I’ve never seen anything like this!”

    The Mother Should Be Booked

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Top

    (I am in high school, and earn money by paging in a library in a low-income area. Pages do the ‘grunt work’ of a library—mostly putting away books and cleaning up after people. I spend a lot of time in the children’s section, and talk a lot with the kids.)

    Seven-Year-Old Girl: *showing me a picture book* “This book is really cool!”

    Me: “Is it? What’s it about?”

    Seven-Year-Old Girl: “It has dragons, and horses, and a bad guy, and fighting!”

    Me: “Wow, that sounds like a pretty good book. Are you going to check it out and take it home to read?”

    Seven-Year-Old Girl: “No, I can’t.”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Seven-Year-Old Girl: “My mommy can’t read, and she says that she doesn’t want us to read. She says that books are dumb!”

    Bad At Math But Good At Infractions

    | Ventura, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Math & Science

    (My mom and I are in line at the register. In front of us is a customer with clearly a lot of things.)

    Cashier: “Okay, your total comes to $15.31.”

    Customer #1: “No, that’s not right. The dog food and water comes to $8.00!”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry; let me try again. It still comes back to $15.31.”

    Customer #1: “Look, you stupid b****! This should all come to $8.00! Old hags like you shouldn’t be f****** working today. You’re too stupid!”

    (The cashier is in tears. My mom overhears this, and walks up to the customer.)

    My Mom: “Now you listen, little brat. This woman has been polite, calm and patient with you. Just shut the f*** up and buy your things! Maybe if you had the intelligence to check the prices instead of relying on others, you wouldn’t be in this situation, would you? I’ve had an awful day, and I don’t want to spend the next ten minutes listening to your God-d*** mouth!”

    (The customer remains silent the whole time. He buys his things and leaves. We walk up to the register.)

    My Mom: “So, how was your day?”

    Cashier: “Great! Thank you! I’ve been really stressed out. I really needed that.”

    Me: “If you lived with us, you would hear a lot more than that!”

    (We share a laugh, and the cashier gives us a discount on our things on behalf of my mom shutting the customer up!)

    Life Is Stranger Than The Fiction Section

    | SC, USA | Books & Reading, Themed Giveaway, Top, Wild & Unruly

    Me: “Sorry, you can’t check this out.”

    Patron: “Why not?”

    Me: “You have three overdue books.”

    Patron: “Is there anyway you can let this slide?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    (The patron proceeds to take off her shirt.)

    Patron: “How about now?”

    Me: “No. Please put on your shirt before I call the police.”

    (The patron then takes off her pants, pulls aside her underwear, and soaks the floor. It is carpet, so there is a lot of damage. My coworker calls the police.)

    Patron: “Now will you let it slide?”

    Me: “No.”

    Patron: “F*** you!”

    (She goes over to a shelf, puts her back against it, and pees all over. It splashes up and ruins several books. She also defecates, picks up one of the books, tears out several pages, and uses it to wipe. The police arrive, and she calls her boyfriend, who is apparently in another section. He pleads with the police to let her free, but they don’t let her. He then adds to the mess that his girlfriend has already made. The police take him too. Later, we find another section that is completely ruined. That must have been where the boyfriend was.)

    The Idea Has No Silver Lining

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I work in a jewelry store that makes it’s own jewelry. Because of this, we can do custom jobs and jewelry repair. We get some crazy requests, things from witchcraft to erotic.)

    Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes! I’d like to get a custom piece made. I have the design and everything!”

    Me: “Alright. Can I see it?”

    (The customer hands me a large wingnut. The kind you buy in the hardware store for a quarter.)

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “I need about a dozen of these made, in silver!”

    Me: “You realize this isn’t very practical, and will be expensive, right?”

    Customer: “Oh, no! It’s a wonderful idea! That’s why I’m giving it to you! You can produce them, and you’ll make enough within a couple of months!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t think that’s true.”

    Customer: “But I’m giving you the idea, and you can just pay me back by giving me a dozen of them!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’ll have to charge you about $100 to produce each one of these. I’m not giving you $1200 for this idea. I know it will not sell. If you want me to make them, I need to be paid, in cash, in full.”

    Customer: “It’s a great idea! You’ll be sorry you passed it up!”


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