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    A Blizzard Of Stupidity

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    Via.

    This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 3

    | Cabazon, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (Our mall is a big tourist destination. They don’t often speak English, and occasionally have translators. They are also notorious for wanting ‘new’ items ‘from the back’, even if the item is brand new.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, what can I help you find?”

    (The customer looks at me confused, then to his translator, who tells him what I said. The translator responds to me.)

    Translator: “He would like this dress shirt in his size.”

    (I measure the man, and get his dress shirt size from the wall. He removes the tissue paper, cardboard, and plastic clips that all new shirts come with. After looking at it, he drops it on to the ground.)

    Translator: “He says he likes it. Can you get him one?”

    Me: “So, he doesn’t want that one?”

    Translator: “It’s for a gift; he wants a folded one. This one is dirty.”

    (I notice an assistant manager is behind me, waiting to see if I need them to step in.)

    Me: “I didn’t see anything on it when I pulled it out, but if it’s damaged, I can have a manager approve a discount for you?”

    Translator: “No. He only wants a new one. He says it’s ‘ruined’ now.”

    Me: “Alright, let me go see what I can do.”

    (I take the shirt for reference and go to the back. I refold his shirt, exactly as they are packaged, and take it back.)

    Me: “How about this one?”

    (The customer looks very happily at me, and says thank you several times before wandering off to the register.)

    Manager: “Was that the same shirt?”

    Me: “Yep.”

    Manager: “Did you clean it with a lint roller or something?”

    Me: “Nope, but two can play at the bull-s*** game.”

    Related:
    This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 2
    This Round He Lost (In Translation)

    There… Are… Four… Pumps!

    | NM, USA | Crazy Requests, Top, Transportation

    (One of my regulars comes in.)

    Regular: “$20 on pump five.”

    Me: “We don’t have a pump five. We only have four pumps.”

    Regular: “Yes you do. I’m on the white car.”

    (I look out the window to see what pump she’s on, and I am surprised to see four white cars.)

    Me: “Which white car one is yours, ma’am?”

    Regular: “The white one!”

    Me: “Ma’am, all the cars on the pumps are white; what make is yours?”

    Regular: “THE WHITE ONE! Just put $20 on five so I can go!”

    Me: “We still don’t have a pump five, and I’m trying to find out what car is yours, seeing as no one else is in here to tell me what one isn’t theirs.”

    Regular: “It is your job to know exactly what car is mine! I have no reason to tell you what car is mine; just put my gas on pump five so I can get out of here.”

    Me: “Okay, fine, I will put $20 on pump five.”

    Regular: “Now was that so hard?”

    (The customer leaves, and I sit and wait for her to return to complain that her gas isn’t pumping. Seeing as I should know her car, and have explained that we don’t have a pump five, I don’t put the money in when she picks up the handle for pump four.)

    Regular: “Why isn’t my gas pumping on pump four?”

    Me: “I put it on pump five, like you asked.”

    Regular: “IT’S PUMP FOUR! GOD, LEARN MY CAR ALREADY!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I have over 100 regulars who come into this store. If I memorized every one of their cars, I wouldn’t have to room for anything else. Next time you are in, remember we don’t have a pump five, and we are not required to know what car you drive. I’m just here to take money and push buttons.”

    Regular: “Useless… just useless! I’m late for work because of you! My job is more important!”

    Me: “Oh goody! Where do you work?”

    Regular: “At [local fast food restaurant].”

    Me: “Well, okay then. If you hadn’t actually been fighting with me, and simply explained that you were on the back pump closest to the fence, you’d be on your way to your job. Have a nice day!”

    Regular: “I’m never shopping here again!”

    Me: “See you next week.”

    (I did.)

    They Handle Suits For A Living

    | Brooklyn, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Top

    Customer: “I’m here to pick up my jacket. The ticket number is [number].”

    Me: “Let me check…”

    (Upon checking the ticket, I realize that the jacket has been left two years ago. This most likely means that it’s since been donated to charity, or auctioned off. According to the state law, after being unclaimed for six months, clothing can be donated to charity or sold off to recoup the losses.)

    Me: “I’m going to go check if we have it in the back. I’ll be back in a minute.”

    (Sure enough, it doesn’t exist.)

    Me: “It looks like we don’t have your jacket anymore, since it was left here two years ago and has never been claimed.”

    Customer: “What do you mean it’s not here anymore?”

    Me: “Since your jacket had been left here two years ago, it was probably donated or auctioned off by the previous owner.”

    Customer: “No, that can’t be. Go back there check again.”

    (I go into the back again, but come out empty handed.)

    Me: “Nope. We don’t have it anymore. Sorry.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe this! You guys can’t just get rid of my clothes like that! It’s an expensive jacket! Do you know how much that jacket cost me?”

    Me: “Actually, yes, we can, according to the law, cited in section 399-BB. Any clothes left unclaimed for more than six months can be donated to charity or sold off.”

    Customer: “Nuh-uh! You find my jacket, or I’ll call the police!”

    Me: “I said it before and I’ll say it again: your jacket is not here anymore. I’d love to find your jacket so we can resolve this issue, but I can’t.”

    Customer: “It cost me $800!”

    Me: “I wish I could help you, but I can’t since it’s been disposed of by the previous owner.”

    Customer: “I’ll sue you! I’m going to the small claims court and suing your a**!”

    Me: “So, let me put it into perspective: you leave your precious $800 jacket here, come back out of the blue after two years, and then threaten to sue us, even though the law in this case, which was created specifically for situations like this, states that we aren’t responsible for unclaimed clothes that have been left at the premises for more than six months? Not to mention the fact that we have absolutely no recollection of this, since our family took over the store just a couple of months ago?”

    (Due to the inability to provide a rational response, the customer proceeds to flip out. Eventually, the police are involved after the customer made the phone call, and an officer is dispatched. I explain to the officer what has occurred, as well as the law regarding the matter, and he sides with us. The customer ends up leaving empty-handed.)

    Rare Pizza

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