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    You Say Milk, I Say Epinephrine

    | Portland, ME, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work in a fairly well known coffee shop chain. A woman comes up to the bar to pick up her drink.)

    Me: “[Name], your venti iced no whip mocha.”

    Customer: “Excuse me! Does that have milk in it?”

    Me: “The iced mocha?”

    Customer: “Yes. That’s what I ordered: iced mocha coffee, no whip.”

    Me: “Yes. It’s made with milk by default.”

    Customer: “WELL, I DIDN’T WANT IT MADE WITH MILK! I AM HIGHLY ALLERGIC!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. Let me remake that for you. So, you’d like iced coffee with mocha syrup and no whip?”

    Customer: “Whatever. Fine. Yes. Mocha coffee iced with no whip.”

    (I remake her drink rather quickly.)

    Me: “Here you are. Sorry about that. Let me take that other one.”

    Customer: “If it’s okay– I know you’re gonna dump it; I was hoping I could have it.”

    Me: *confused* “Okay. That’s fine.”

    Customer: *puts a straw in both* “Yum! These are both great! Thanks!”

    Related:
    You Say Tomato, I Say Epinephrine
    You Say Potato, I Say Epinephrine

    Es-pwñ-ol, Part 2

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Language & Words

    (My coworker is Mexican, but has very fair skin. Our store has more than 60,000 item numbers. While the employees who work in certain sections know the products and the numbers in their area, cashiers have to look the numbers up in the computer.)

    Customer: “Hi. I was wondering what the price on this item is.”

    Coworker: “Of course. Let me just look up the number for you.”

    Customer: *to her friend in Spanish* “Can you believe this dumb b****? Can’t even tell me the price for this stupid thing.”

    Coworker: *in Spanish* “The price for that is [price]. Can I help you with anything else?”

    (The customer turned white and quickly walked away!)

    Related:
    Es-pwñ-ol

    If Only

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    5 Stories of Returnaholics!

    | Not Always Right | Roundups

    Weekly Roundup: 5 Stories of Returnaholics! In this week’s roundup, we take a look at those customers who try and return anything and everything!

    1. Not Quite Getting What “Return” Means
      (2,256 thumbs up)
    2. Little Console-ation In This Situation
      (1,149 thumbs up)
    3. It’s What Grammy Would Have Wanted (1,452 thumbs up)
    4. Of All The Lies To Tell (6,363 thumbs up)
    5. Past The Point Of No Return (3,158 thumbs up)

    PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Maybe She Is Buying Lemongrass

    | KA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

    (I work at a grocery store. I have just finished ringing up a customer who bought a few food items and some plants.)

    Me: “Okay. That will be [amount].”

    Customer: “Do you think I should get paper or plastic for my plant?”

    Me: “Either one will work, ma’am. Which one would you prefer?”

    Customer: “You’re just a sourpuss. Aren’t you?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. What are you saying?”

    Customer: “You’re such a sourpuss. I just asked you a simple question. You’re being so rude to me!”

    (The customer grunts and walks over to the customer service desk. I overhear her talking to my manager.)

    Customer: “That girl over there is a SOURPUSS! A SOURPUSS, I TELL YOU!”

    (The manager comes back and delivers the items to the customer. She walks out the door with a sneer on her face.)

    Customer: *screaming as she leaves* “SOURPUSS!”

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