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    I’d Like Nachos With Extra Photoshop Please

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Our concessions stands have digital menu boards, and our food and drink advertisements play every once in a while. A customer is next in line and comes to my register.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a large drink and nachos.”

    (I get her drink, and bring her the nachos. The nachos are pre-packed, and as soon as I give them to her, she opens them and looks disgusted.)

    Customer: “I don’t want these nachos! The chips are too small! I wanted the larger nachos!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we only have one size, which are what I gave you. Did you want to try any other hot food?”

    Customer: “No, I want large nachos! What about those?! I want those nachos!”

    (The customer points to our screen, which is showing the nacho advertisement.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; that’s the digital screen, displaying an ad for our nachos.”

    Customer: “But those nachos look bigger!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; they’re the same size as the nachos I gave you. The camera is zoomed in to show texture.”

    (The customer has a dumbfounded look on her face, and quietly leaves.)

    How The Cookie Crumbles, Part 2

    | Welches, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Family & Kids

    (I am in line to get cookies for my second grade class that I teach for the last day of the semester. I am rather thin, have blonde hair that’s very long and dyed, and I have high heels. I am speaking to the clerk.)

    Me: “Hey, can I get these for my class?”

    (I’m pointing to a selection of pink writing icing. The customer behind me suddenly speaks up.)

    Customer: “Stupid blonde w****!”

    (The clerk and I look at him.)

    Clerk: “Please don’t use that language in here, sir.”

    Customer: “What? She is! Oh, little miss b****, what’ve you got there?”

    (The customer points to my grocery bag.)

    Customer: “Oh, let me guess! Lipstick and eye makeup, and daft things to go in your sissy blonde hair! Skinny underwear, and big bras, tampons and oh—let me guess, a massive box of condoms!”

    Me: “Listen to me. Firstly, this is not my real hair. I’m actually a ginger, but to avoid confusion with another person at work, I dyed it blonde. Secondly, I’m buying cookies for my second graders. Thirdly, I am a virgin and have a Bachelor’s Degree. Fourth, although I am about to marry someone, I am, like I said, a virgin.”

    (The customer walks out without buying anything. By the way, my class enjoyed the cookies!)

    Related:
    How The Cookie Crumbles

    July Themed Story Giveaway: Geeks Rule!

    | Not Always Right | Announcements, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month
    Want to win a Not Always Right t-shirt?
    Enter Not Always Right’s July Themed Story Giveaway:
    Geeks Rule!

    Entering is as easy as 1-2-3:

    1. Submit a funny or interesting story about geeks.
    2. Enter your email address in the form to qualify.
    3. All posted stories will be entered in a drawing to win a free t-shirt gift certificate, to use in the official Not Always Right shop!

    PS: Congratulations to a lucky reader for winning June Themed Story Giveaway, which featured stories about Wild & Unruly Customers. The winning submission: Hey Mr DJ, Put My Record On (3,112 thumbs up).

    PS #2: winners will be announced the first Wednesday of every month. Next free t-shirt gift certificate: Wednesday, August 7!

    Lack Of Register Does Not Register

    | Green Bay, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Top

    (We’ve been having some problems with one of our registers. It is the first one you see when entering the store, and is often assumed to be the one to use. Today, it has been taken apart, and is being worked on by one of my managers. Parts are all across the counter, and several signs are post staying the register is out of order.)

    Me: “You know, I will laugh if a customer comes up and starts unloading their stuff, expecting you to check them out.”

    Manager: “The register is taken apart, the screen is off, and there are three signs saying this is out of order. I doubt anyone will be that stupid.”

    (A customer walks up literally right after my manager says that, and starts unloading and pushing parts out of the way.)

    Customer: “Why is this counter so cluttered!?”

    Manager: “Ma’am, this register is closed; we’re doing maintenance on it.”

    Customer: “Don’t be lazy!” *continues unloading*

    Manager: “Ma’am, please go to the other check-out. [My name] will be happy to help you.”

    Customer: “No! I came to this one, and YOU WILL help me!”

    Manager: “Once again, ma’am, this register is under maintenance. I can not check you out.”

    Customer: “Lazy ungrateful brat! Get your manager!”

    Manager: “I am the manager on duty. One more outburst like that, and I will have you leave the store.”

    (The customer mumbles something, and storms out, leaving her items behind. My manager turns to me.)

    Manager: “Alright, you can laugh.”

    Turning Down Is A Turn Off

    | CA, USA | Rude & Risque

    Coworker: “Okay, sir… your order is—”

    (I can hear a pornographic film being played in the background.)

    Coworker: “Okay, I’m going say this and kindly, but bluntly: sir, I can’t hear you over your pornographic film. Can you turn it down a bit?”

    Customer: “Wait, you can hear that?”

    Coworker: “Yes, sir, it is quite loud. I’m attempting to give you your order number, but—”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Coworker: “Yeah.”

    Customer: “You like it?”

    Coworker: “Uh… no, actually. If you can turn it down a little I’d be—”

    Customer: “What?! Are you telling me to turn off my porn?!”

    Coworker: “No, sir, I’m not. However, I’m having a hard time talking over the delivery guy with a medium sausage pizza. If you can turn it down a bit, I can give you your—”

    Customer: *click*

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