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A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 5

| England, UK | Extra Stupid, Movies & TV

(I work at a theme park. I have to greet guests, and provide them with 3D glasses as they queue for the ride.)

Guest: “Excuse me, what do I do with these?”

Me: “You put them on when you enter the ride.”

Guest: “Put them on where?”

Me: “…on your face.”

Guest: “Oh! I thought maybe they went on my arm!”

Related:
A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 4
A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 3
A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 2
Get A Life
A New Dimension Of Stupidity

Questioning The Location Of The Question

| ON, Canada | Bizarre

Me: “Good afternoon, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I got a question!”

Me: “Okay, how can I help?”

Caller: “Back in the sixties, me and Burt would drive to ‘Trannah’ to get a corned beef sandwich. The guy would say ‘Pickle on the side?’ and we say ‘Yeah, pickle on the side!’. Now you wanna buy ten, y’uunastan’ but you could only afford one! We ain’t got no money, y’know? These days, y’wanna buy one, ’cause you can’t buy ten. It’ll make ya sick! You’ll throw up!”

Me: “Yeah, that’ll happen. I hate to cut this story short, but what was your question?”

Caller: *click*

Gay Rights And Copyrights

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Bigotry, Health & Body

(A female customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “I want to return this Jillian Michael’s Work Out DVD Set.”

Me: “Is there something wrong with it?”

Customer: “I just found out that she’s gay. I don’t want to stare at a gay woman exercising. She’ll turn me gay.”

Me: “…right. Well, I’m sorry, but I cannot take this back.”

Customer: “You want me to be gay?!”

Me: “Um, no. The kit is opened, and for copyright reasons I cannot return opened DVDs.”

Customer: “If I go to Hell, it’s your fault!”

Not Very Good At Checking His Account

| MT, USA | USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(I work for a bank call center.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [bank]. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “Yea, I tried to f****** withdraw my paycheck out of the ATM, and it won’t let me! You people are crooks! Get me my d*** money!”

(I look into his account and see that the customer has both a checking and a savings. I look at the history of the card, and notice that the savings has about $5, and the checking has about $300. In the card history, I see that he’s been trying to withdraw using the savings account.)

Me: “Sir, I noticed that you have two accounts linked to your debit card. It looks like the savings account was selected at the ATM as the account to withdraw from; are you near an ATM?”

Customer: “Did you f****** fix it yet?! You d*** thieves!”

Me: “Sir, I understand your frustration. If you’re near an ATM, I would be happy to hold on while you try it again. This time, when it asks what account to withdraw from, you need to choose checking rather then savings.”

Customer: “It can’t be that easy! I’m not that stupid!”

Me: “I didn’t say you were stupid; I’m only trying to help. Now please humor me, and try it again if you can.”

(I can hear the customer cursing under his breath about me. I can see on my screen that he makes the withdrawal out of the checking account this time. He then comes back onto the line.)

Customer: “Oh, I guess it was that easy. You people should make it more clearer next time!”

Paying it Forward Credits Everyone

| NC, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Money, Top

(My school’s residence hall is going on a fast-food run. My friend is really hungry, but has no money to go, so I give him all my cash to pay for it, as I intend to pay by debit. Most of the group goes to one specific fast-food place, but I am dropped off first to pick up some Taco Bell.)

Cashier: “Cash only.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but the card machine is broken. We can only take cash at this time.”

(I turn around to see the bus driving off to the other fast-food place.)

Me: “Darn, I was really craving Taco Bell recently. Guess I’ll wait for the bus to get back.”

(The only other customer walks up to me.)

Customer: “Don’t worry. I’ll pay for you.”

Me: “No, it’s fine; I’ll get picked up and go somewhere else.”

Customer: “No, it’s fine; I’m paying for you. End of story.”

(Without hesitating, she pulls out her pocketbook, and pays as I order. When I see my friend, I tell him the story, and tell him he doesn’t owe me a penny.)

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