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    Throwing Around Bags Of Blame

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

    (I am ringing up an older customer—Customer #1—who has always been a bit difficult. I have a line and am trying to get it down as much as possible. The customer forgets her bag, so I put it aside in case she comes back—which she does. By now, I am serving a second customer.)

    Customer #1: “Did I leave a bag here?”

    Me: “Yeah, I have it right here for you.”

    Customer #1: “It’s your fault I left it here!”

    Me: “Oh? How is that?”

    Customer #1: “You were too busy and didn’t tell me how many bags I had! It’s all your fault! This is horrible customer service! I won’t be back!”

    (Fortunately, Customer #2 speaks up in my defense.)

    Customer #2: “How exactly is it your fault that she forgot something?”

    Me: *sarcastic* “Not sure. It’s obvious she’s never forgotten one before…”

    The Puerile And The Frog

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I have a large collection of plants at my workplace, including a terrarium. I hear someone taking the lid off of it. When I look over, there are two customers rooting through it.)

    Me: “Please don’t dig through that.”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “Don’t touch that. Those are all real plants, and that jar is glass. I don’t want it to break.”

    Customer: “Is there a snake in there?”

    Me: “…no.”

    Customer: “D***! A frog?”

    Me: “No. Just plants. Please put the lid back on.”

    Customer: “There should be a frog. I wanted to let it loose in here!”

    He Is Out-Dated

    | Scotland, UK | Love/Romance, Rude & Risque

    (I work in a call centre for a bank, and one of the security questions we use to verify cardholder identity is a memorable date. Some people try to get clever with you. I generally give them no reaction at all and just ask a different security question.)

    Me: “Can I ask you to confirm your memorable date there for me sir?”

    Customer: “Ah yes, June 9th, 1979. I met this lovely blonde woman in a bar in Soho, absolutely beautiful. She drank cocktails and we went back to mine and the things she could do kiddo, you could only imag—oh wait memorable date? Oh s***, I thought you meant…”

    Me: “Ha, that’s alright, sir; do you have it there?”

    Customer: “What’s your memorable date? You sound nice; you must have one.”

    Me: “My boyfriend surprised me with a trip to Paris for my birthday last year. That was pretty memorable I guess.”

    Customer: “Jeez, your generation sucks. Paris!? You can’t beat a roll in the hay in the back of a third hand car in Charing Cross. I’d show you that!”

    Me: “Okaaaaaaay anyway, moving on.”

    When The Dog Is Smarter Than Their Owner

    | MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am outside with a small, but very nervous and dog-aggressive dog. He is new to our kennel, so I am trying to spend some time with him to bond, so he will feel more comfortable with my coworkers and me. He has just let me pet him for the first time all day, which is a huge step forward. A client drives up the driveway and gets out of his car with his Labrador retriever. He begins to open the ‘Employees Only’ gate.)

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but this area is employees only. Also, I’m working with a very nervous dog, which can be dangerous. I don’t want anything to happen to you, your dog, or this dog.”

    Client: “My dog is really friendly. I’m sure they would get along just fine.”

    (The client begins opening the latch to the gate.)

    Me: “Sir, please don’t come in here.”

    (The dog I am working with begins growling and assuming an aggressive stance toward the man’s Lab.)

    Client: “My dog can hold his own against that little thing.”

    Me: “Sorry, but I can’t risk you, myself, or either dog being injured. Please stay on the other side of the gate until I can get this one inside. I’ll help you as soon as I get back.”

    Client: “I’m sure it will be fine. Just let them play!”

    Me: “No. Even if this dog was extremely friendly, there’s at least a 90-pound difference between these two dogs, and I wouldn’t want your dog to accidentally step on this one. Stay right there. I’ll be back in just a minute.”

    (The client opens the gate, and his dog pushes through and charges towards the small dog. I lift up the little dog, which is barking and snapping at the Lab, and trying to squirm out of my arms. He manages to scratch my face from my hairline to my jawline, barely missing my eye. Meanwhile, the Lab is jumping on me, scratching my legs and stomach hard.)

    Me: “SIR. PLEASE GET YOUR DOG OUT OF HERE AND TAKE HIM TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE!”

    Client: “Fine, whatever.”

    (He leashes his dog and moves him while I put the little dog back. He is obviously agitated, growling at me through his fenced in area. I get the owner of the kennel to talk to the client about his behavior.)

    Owner: “My staff told me what happened here. Didn’t she tell you not to let your dog in?”

    Client: “I told her my dog wouldn’t get hurt!”

    Owner: “That isn’t the point! She was doing trust exercises with a nervous new dog! You just undid all of her work!”

    Client: “No, I didn’t! He seemed fine!”

    Me: *to owner* “The dog just growled at me and tried to bite me through the fence. He wasn’t doing that before.”

    Owner: “Oh, my gosh, [My Name]. You’re bleeding everywhere.”

    (I look down and see that the small dog has scratched my arms during the struggle, enough to make me bleed a little, and my legs are starting to bruise and bleed from the Lab jumping on me. However, my face is worse. I see a few drops of blood drop onto my shirt from my forehead.)

    Owner: “I need to get my employee cleaned up. Please take your dog elsewhere. I don’t need any clients who refuse to listen to my employees, who are trained professionals. Please go board your dog elsewhere.”

    Client: “She’s not bleeding that badly! God! I just wanted my dog to play with that dog! If your employee would give him a chance, they’d get along just fine!”

    Owner: “Get your d*** dog out of here before I call the police and every kennel in town, telling them what you did.”

    (After some arguing the client left with his dog. We never saw him again. The scratches on my arms, legs, and stomach weren’t too bad. However, I do have a small scar just below my hairline from the little dog.)


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