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    Archive for 2013

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    Weekly Roundup: Dumber In Summer!

    | Themed Giveaway | Roundups

    Weekly Roundup: Dumber In Summer! When the weather warms up, do brain cells take a dip (and not in the pool)? In this week’s roundup, we share five customer stories that take place during the summer!

    1. Not All Visitors Stink (2,325 thumbs up)
    2. Lost In No Translation, Part 4 (1,363 thumbs up)
    3. Somehow, The Great Indoors Doesn’t Have The Same Ring To It (1,155 thumbs up)
    4. In Need Of A Worldly EdUKation (1,731 thumbs up)
    5. Parenting The Parents (2,318 thumbs up)

    PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Trouble Brewing, Part 5

    | Champaign, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (I am working the Friday night shift at a gas station located on the campus of a big university. The city’s liquor law prohibits the sale of alcohol after midnight. I’m working by myself at 3 am, when a customer with a look of urgency and intoxication comes barging right in.)

    Customer: “Dude, I have a huge party at my apartment and we just ran out of beer! I need like six cases!”

    Me: “Sorry, buddy, but we stop selling alcohol at midnight.”

    Customer: “I’m desperate! There are like 100 people at my place, and a ton of hot b*****! If I don’t get more beer soon, they’ll leave! I’ll give you a $20 tip if you sell me some.”

    Me: “Sorry, even if I were to try to sell you some, I couldn’t since our registers also block all sales of alcohol after midnight.”

    Customer: “How about if I just walk out with two cases, and ‘accidentally’ drop $40 on the ground on my way out?”

    Me: “That would be stealing, and I’m not okay with that.”

    Customer: “Okay, what if I stuck my hand in my pocket, and pretended to have a gun…”

    (The customer proceeds to stick hand in his jacket pocket and make it look like he’s holding me at gunpoint.)

    Customer: “…and ‘robbed’ you for some cases of beer. Then you would chase me out, and while chasing me outside, I would ‘accidentally’ drop $40?”

    Me: “I couldn’t let you do that either. First of all, I would be required to immediately call the police and file a police report for a robbery. The police would then get your face from the store cameras, easily track you down since you live close by, and put you in jail. Is this party worth going to jail over?”

    Customer: “I’m sorry for bothering you dude. I really don’t have a gun. I just wanted to get some beer for this party really bad, and didn’t want to come back empty handed. Please don’t call the cops!”

    Me: “I’ll forget this even happened if you leave immediately.”

    Customer: “See ya!”

    Me: “Bye!”

    Related:
    Trouble Brewing, Part 4
    Trouble Brewing, Part 3
    Trouble Brewing, Part 2

    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 10

    | Finland | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m chatting with my friend in a grocery store, completely minding my own business. Another customer approaches us.)

    Customer: “Can you please help me to find [item]?”

    Me: “Umm… I don’t know where to find it…”

    Customer: “It’s pretty much like this, but a different shape and brand.”

    (The customer holds up another item, and continues talking for a while. I’m trying to interrupt her, but she’s giving me the exact specs and some more.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; but I don’t work here. Unfortunately I have no idea where to find it.”

    (She looks at me with a puzzled look on her face. At this point I realize that my shirt is red, and not completely unlike the uniform that the shop assistants are required to wear.)

    Customer: “Are you sure? You look like you work here.”

    Me: “Yeah, I’m quite certain. Please read the back of my shirt. The store wouldn’t probably accept the message, would they?”

    (My shirt is from a local rap artist with a slogan that translates to “steal from your boss”.)

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 9
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 8
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 7
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

    Beauty Is In The Eyeglasses Of The Beholder

    | Robeline, LA, USA | Bizarre, Love/Romance

    (A customer approaches the counter with a soda just as I’m wiping my eyeglasses.)

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “Sorry? No what?”

    Customer: “No! You’ve got to put your glasses back on!”

    Me: “Yeah, I know. I’ve got to wear them because I’m nearly blind.”

    (I slide my glasses back on.)

    Customer: “No, it’s just that you’re much too pretty without them. You’re better off if you keep them on.”

    Me: “…What?”

    Customer: “Yes, you have to keep them on or the men will be hitting on you in droves! You’ll have to have a stick to beat them off!”

    (I hold up my left hand and point to my promise ring.)

    Me: “No, this usually stops ‘em cold.”

    Customer: “NO! The glasses are what stops them!”

    Me: “Okay… So, that’ll be $1.77, sir.”

    (The customer pays and returns to normal. However, as he walks out the door…)

    Customer: “I’M TELLING YOU IT’S THE GLASSES!”

    UK Needs UV

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Geography, Health & Body

    (I am working at trade show booth. I have very fair skin and often get remarks about it. I have been chatting with a fellow American customer for nearly 10 minutes.)

    Me: “Thanks so much for stopping by! I hope you enjoy the magazine. Did you have any other questions for me?”

    Customer: “No, no, thank you! Well, wait … are you British?”

    Me: “What? Ah, no… no I’m not.”

    Customer: “Really!? But…but you’re so PALE!”


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