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    Link, Nyu, And Sephiroth Walk Into A Bar…

    , | Derby, England, UK | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (There’s an anime convention near to where I work. A bunch of them come in while I’m on the front counter. All of them are in costume.)

    Me: “Great costumes, guys! You had a good day?”

    (Link from Legend Of Zelda is the first to speak up.)

    Link: “Yeah, it’s been amazing, thanks!”

    (I spot one of their friends, a disabled girl, dressed as one of my favorite characters. I call out to her.)

    Me: “Oh, wow! It’s Nyu! You look adorable! I think you win for best costume of the day!”

    Link: “Thanks for that; no one has guessed correctly all day and she’s been pretty upset about it! I think you pretty much just made her day!”

    Me: “My pleasure!”

    (I turn to the girl.)

    Me: “No one could guess your costume, sweetie? Guess they don’t watch the cool shows, huh?”

    (The girl smiles, and begins to answer, but she’s cut off by a random customer who’s come storming over towards us.)

    Customer: “Alright, that’s enough of that! I’M here now, so you can stop catering to that [disabled slur] and show me some respect!”

    Me: “Sir! Please, there’s no need to be so harsh to another customer! If you do not tone it down a little, I will have to ask you to leave!”

    Customer: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Why the f*** should I tone it down?! SHE shouldn’t be here, and YOU should start showing me more respect, b****, or I’ll see what your manager has to say about this!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I was always taught that respect was earned, and that you must always respect others. Since you are unable to do this to me or this poor girl you have insulted, then I have no reason to show YOU any respect. Please leave.”

    Customer: “WHAT THE F—”

    (He cuts himself off as he suddenly finds himself surrounded by various different anime and game heroes, all complete with replica weapons.)

    Sephiroth: “I believe the lady asked you to leave, so scram.”

    (The guy all but runs out of the store. ‘Link’ pulls out an ocarina, and plays a medley of various video game songs for me as a thank you. It makes my night!)

    Related:
    Morpheus, Tarantino, And The Green Lantern Walk Into A Bar
    Superman, Rocky Balboa And ABBA Walk Into A Bar

    The ‘E’ Stands For Evil

    | USA | Books & Reading, Technology

    (I work for the USPS help line. It’s 6:30 am, and the Postmaster General has just announced that they are cutting delivery of regular mail to five days per week, and packages to six.)

    Me: “This is [post office]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I was listening to the radio station in Cleveland. WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME USE EMAIL?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “The radio in Cleveland says that this Saturday, all mail is getting thrown out and you aren’t going to deliver mail no more!”

    Me: “Well, sir, that isn’t what—”

    Customer: “They said it’s because all us old folk have to use EMAIL! I’m 75 years old and I can’t use email! It’s not fair!”

    Me: “Sir, I assure you that mail WILL be delivered, so you don’t only have to use email.”

    Customer: “GOOD! The people who died for their country on the Pony Express want you to know how disappointed they are that you use email!”

    Me: “Thanks for the input, sir.”

    Having A Light Bulb Moment, Part 2

    | USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    Customer: “I wanted to know is it possible that I can disconnect this service from another account?”

    Me: *confused* “You’re trying to disconnect your account?”

    Customer: “I’m trying to disconnect someone else’s account, because their bills keep coming to my mailbox.”

    Me: “You’re trying to cut off someone else’s lights because their bills keep coming to you?”

    Customer: “Well… um… I probably shouldn’t do that, should I? I’ll just… take it to their door.” *click*

    Related:
    Having A Light Bulb Moment

    Common Sense Playing Truant

    | OH, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, School, Top

    (I am a junior in college. I’m working retail over Christmas break. It’s early afternoon on a weekday.)

    Customer: *huffs up to me* “They really shouldn’t let you work at this hour. Getting an education is more important than some low-rent job.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t mean to be rude, but what are you talking about?”

    Customer: “You’re, what, 15 years old? They shouldn’t let kids your age work at all, but especially not during the school day.”

    Me: “Oh, sorry for the confusion, ma’am. I’m actually 21, and a junior at [university about 300 miles away]. We have a very long holiday break, so I’ve been off classes for a few weeks now.”

    Customer: “That’s not possible. I need to speak with your manager.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I know I look somewhat young, but I really don’t think it’s necessary to speak to my manager. I’m really, truly a college student on winter break.”

    Customer: “I’ll find your manager myself!”

    (The customer storms off. A few minutes later, I hear my manager over my headset.)

    Manager: “[My name], any chance you have your student ID on you?”

    Me: “I think so… want me to bring it up front if I have it?”

    Manager: “If you could.”

    (I go get my student ID, and bring it to the front of the store.)

    Me: *to customer* “Here’s my student ID, ma’am.”

    Customer: “You must be one of those high school students who takes college classes, too. It’s not possible for you to as old as you say you are. This store should be fined for letting you work during the school day.”

    Me: “Ma’am, my university is hundreds of miles away. You think I commute several hours back and forth every day to take advanced classes?”

    (My manager tells me to go back to work, and I see the customer huff out of the store a few minutes later. A few more minutes pass.)

    Customer: “There she is, officer; arrest her for truancy.”

    Me: “Oh. My. God. You got mall security over this?”

    Mall Security: “If you let me see your driver’s license, I’ll kick her out of the mall for the day, and ban her from your store.”

    Me: “Fair enough…”

    (She was not invited back to our store.)

    Dollar A Box

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