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Thou Shall Find Lovecraft Online, Ramen

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Geeks Rule, Religion, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I’m a waitress in a popular buffet chain restaurant. I am serving a middle aged customer who is wearing a shirt that has a picture of Cthulhu and the Flying Spaghetti Monster in a heart. Beneath it is the caption ‘we met on the internet’.)

Me: “That’s a great shirt!”

Woman: “Thanks. I think it says a lot about the kind of people you find on the internet.”

Me: “How do you mean?”

Woman: “You know, how there’s nothing but monsters online.”

To see the t-shirt design mentioned in this story, visit the NotAlwaysRomantic Extras section, which can be found here!

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The Cake Is A Lie, Part 4

| WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(My grocery store bakery has started a new display in our chilled sweets case, showcasing a whole cake on a pedestal with a slice of it on a plate, along with it’s price on a tag that is clearly labeled ‘Display Only’. These cakes, since they are clearly not sold, are not changed out very often. I notice that one of the plates is behind the display cake, which I find odd. My manager also notices and laughs.)

Manager: “Did you notice this?”

(My manager holds up the slice that had been placed in back of the display.)

Me: “Oh yeah, I noticed it was in an odd spot. What’s up with it?”

(My manager brings the plate over to show me. The piece of cake has a bite taken out of it, and the fork displayed along with it is dirty.)

Manager: “A customer must have tried to eat it!”

Me: “Wow, those cakes have been in there for ever!”

(To prove a point, my manager takes the fork, and pokes at the cake. It is quite literally rock solid; it even sounds rock solid.)

Manager: “They didn’t get very far! They must have taken that one little bite and realized it was inedible.”

Me: “How the heck did they get to it?”

Manager: “Well, the front window does swing open with some effort for cleaning but…”

Me: *laughs again* “I know it says ‘display’, but come on. Display does not mean ‘sample’!”

(We can only guess that a customer tried it after the bakery closed for the day!)

The Cake Is A Lie, Part 3
The Cake Is A Lie, Part 2

Very Shy To TMI

| USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

(I am a cripplingly shy teenage girl, in line at a dollar store. The elderly customer behind me has noticed my shirt, which says ‘Top Ten Reasons I Procrastinate:’, and is otherwise blank.)

Customer: “Hey, I like your shirt! You know, I wanted to procrastinate, but I kept putting it off.”

Me: *laughs nervously*

(The man starts putting his items on the conveyor belt.)

Customer: “We’re gonna have fuuuuun tonight.”

(I glance back and notice that he’s buying 10 bottles of baby oil, and nothing else. I turn bright red and turn away.)

Customer: *laughing* “Aw, I think I scared her.”

(An elderly woman has just come up behind the elderly customer.)

Woman: “What’s that?”

(The customer explains what’s just happened to the woman—his wife.))

Woman: “Oh! Haha!” *she walks up to me* “You see, things tend to dry out when you get older!”

Modern Scammers Work Double Time

, | WI, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(I’m a crew member at a fast food joint, while my uncle is the general manager at a sit down restaurant across the street. I’m working drive thru.)

Customer: “Hi, I just came through a few minutes ago, and my burger was all wrong, plus my fries were cold.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. Just come up to the window, and we’ll get it all fixed up.”

(She pulls up, and I don’t recognize her at all. I don’t see a bag from us in her car either.)

Customer: “I also didn’t get my soda either.”

(Now I know she’s lying, because I’ve been in drive thru all day, and I never poured an extra soda. My manager just says screw it and give her what she wants. After I got off, I went up to my uncle’s restaurant to sit and chat. I tell him about the woman.)

Me: “I would have noticed someone wearing fleece pants in this heat!”

Uncle: “Uh… I’m pretty sure she came here.

Me: “WHAT!”

Uncle: “This lady came in. She was wearing fleece pants and a college sweatshirt. I see her looking at a menu. I speak up, and she says her salad was wrong and her wings were cold. I don’t recognize her from before. I ask for a receipt, and she doesn’t have one. I ask what kind of salad and what kind of wings. She looks at the menu for a few more minutes. I just wanted to get her out because we had big orders in the kitchen. So she got about $25 out of me.”

Me: “You did better than me! She got $7 from us! Did you forget her soda?”

Uncle: “YES! Yes, we did!”